stories
Parenting-Tough Decisions Change Lives
It was a bright and sunny day but all I saw was dark clouds as I sat inside the school psychologist’s office looking with my son’s test results. “Your son’s behavioral problems can cause him to get in serious trouble later in life if they are not dealt with now. There are jails full of people without impulse control”, she said. Imagine finding out one day that your child has serious emotional problems and delays, after balancing a high pressure career and motherhood for so many years.
That day, I was devastated to find out the news. My bright and energetic son could read sentences and count to 30, but couldn’t control himself enough to be in the same room with other children. He couldn’t handle daycare, or a regular preschool classroom. Simple questions were tough for him to answer. I felt like a failure, like giving up, like the hours I spent as a mom teaching and nurturing him had done nothing for him.
“Even if you quit your job and work with him all day long he’ll still be the same. It’s his personality. It doesn’t matter,” family told me over and over. “We’d hate to see you quit. You have so much potential. We don’t want your talents to go to waste,” my boss at work told me. I was making more money than ever before in my career, but it no longer felt right.
That afternoon I looked in my handsome son’s bright blue eyes and saw my reflection. If I didn’t try to help him, who would? He’d had different daycare teachers over the years, even a relative who had cared for him during the day. After a time I came to recognize the tight lipped smile they had as he arrive each morning, the way he was left sitting alone when I dropped by to check on him. You couldn’t pay someone else enough to care. Not with the heart of a mother.
I gave my boss my resignation over the phone that afternoon. It was the toughest decision I had ever made. I didn’t know how I would make enough to pay my share of the bills I was responsible for, or how I was going to help this little boy I loved. It is nearly a year later, and we have been working hard together, my little boy and I. He is able to sit in class during circle time and makes friends on the playground. He is learning to speak articulately and express himself. We have spent hours learning, interacting, talking, playing, making mistakes and starting over, both of us. I have learned much myself. I learned to run my own business from home, but more importantly, to be this little boy’s confidante, his teacher, his safe refuge. Because of my sacrifice, there is hope where there once was despair for this boy.
Parenting is full of tough decisions, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. There are times when we have to decide what is most important in life.
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Comments
Two comments really
First of all, I read this because I saw that it referred to a school psychologist and that is what I do. I think the psychologist referred to is totally unprofessional and in no way should she have made a prediction about this child’s future based on the limited information she had at her disposal. It’s true that prisons are full of those who lacked impulse control; but, in those cases the lack of impulse control goes far beyond a behavioral issue and becomes a lack of conscience and a refusal to take responsibility. As a member of the profession, I apologize to the mother who never should have heard test results in such a heartless and unfeeling way. Telling the truth is often about telling your OWN truth and that is what I fear this psychologist was doing.
My other comment is to say that, regardless of the reason, nothing in the world can replace raising your own children and spending those precious years with them. I was fortunate enough to stay home until my younger son was in school full time and then had a job that put me at home the same time my children arrived home from school. Sure, there were things we gave up. But, was it worth it? My younger son was killed by a drunk driver at 23 years old. I will not be able to share the rest of my life with him – but I shared 23 years with him as closely as he could tolerate and still become a man. No regrets.
CAC | 1 year, 1 month ago
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Evangelist and Parenting Facilitator
This mother made a good and appropriate decision. Parents leaving others to care for their children all day, most days maybe one of he reasons our children are not learning appropriately and are being labeled with all these emotional problems.
Lou McGlothian | 1 year ago
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Round of applause
WOW! That was a true sacrifice. You are a great woman!
agc | 1 year ago
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mother
I have seen those eyes, and heard those words, and felt that hurt, that confused, and didn’t know what to do. Sometimes, when you read stories like this it makes it sound like a mother is left so many choices..so much time to decide..so much information. Sometimes..it’s just heartache, and everyone pointing the finger, and you left there standing..for the rest of his life…looking into those eyes..
Serenity | 12 months ago
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tenn prency
Teens sometimes don’t think, but what they don’t know, is that baby can change their lives.
rosanna martinez | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Congratulations
You figured out the most important job there is … raising our children. My son is 22 and we have dealt with serious issues from the age of 13. Most of the family gave up on him. I never could quit loving and encouraging. I am now seeing wonderful improvements and know that it could have been so different if I had passed him off or given up.
Karen Arnpriester | 11 months, 3 weeks ago
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Good Choice
Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am a new mother (10 months) and already there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my son. When there is an issue and your child is involved, there really isn’t even a question of what to do. That’s what mothers are. You made the right choice, what a wonderful mother.
Jodi | 11 months, 2 weeks ago
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Mommy's sacrifices
To be a real mom is to make sacrifices for your children’s well been. Even if that means you have to put your life on hold for them. I truly believe you made the right thing by devoting your life to your son and by helping him. You took the time to understand that he had a problem and did not just blowing it off or ignore the fact he needed help. You truly are a great mom.
martha | 11 months, 2 weeks ago
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good job
I think its great that you are doing that for your son. I have a wonderful father that probably thinks that I don’t care about how much he has tried to help me through times of my bad behaviors. I love him very much for it.
Henry Rhodes III | 11 months ago
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How my sister handles a free spirit
Just because your son has problems does not mean that he is destined for failure. I have a sister who has a son who is a free spirit. I am not so sure what the answer is about career choices and the free spirited, but I know that with my sister, her son does very well with a small part time job. My nephew took the GED and did some Drafting classes at Community College.
You might want to start a trust fund for your son and check into GED classes for him. People who are free spirited do best in jobs that have flex time or in areas where they can set their own hours (maybe, for example, your son might want to start his own business when he is older). I know also that free spirits do well around animals, such as horses, and that this is also therapeutic. I know that free spirits also do well with painting, leather work, iron work or music.
My little boy is free spirited, and we put him in a daycare where the rules are no nonsense. Our problem is that we can’t get him to behave at home!
Good luck,
C Horn
Catherine Horn | 10 months ago
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