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Caring For Mom
I’m 43 and am married with 2 kids. I take care of my 87 year old mother who has dementia and a lot of other medical issues. She has been bed bound for 4 years. I had to quit my job and all my time is taking care of her. My family has really given up a lot to for me to care her. I have 4 other siblings who live less than 5 miles away from us who don’t help me at all. I was bitter for along because none of them have helped me with caring for her. I could have put her in a nursing home, but I love my mom so much I just couldn’t put her in that cold lonely place. She deserves better than that. Let me tell you a little about my mom before she got ill. Our dad died about 35 years ago and she had to raise us alone. I’m the youngest of 6 and I was 5 when he died. My mom took care of us kids with little money, but she did the best she could. It’s been hard for me but it’s so worth it. I could feel sorry for myself but what does that get you? Nothing. I just remind myself of what my mother had to do when we were kids, and it gets me through the day.
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CARING FOR MOM
I am surprised that no one has commented on your post re: Caring for mom. So I will comment and tell you that you are to be commended for caring for your mother. I am sorry that you are feeling bad and its understandable with so much responsibility on your shoulders. Your siblings, in my opinion are very selfish to not even help out with her care and all I have to say is this: there is really a special blessing for someone like you who has sacrificed so much just so not to put your mother in a home. She stood by you and you stand by her and in the grand scope of things you will have more time with your beloved mother. I hope that eventually everything eases…and I hope that you continue to care for yourself as you care for your mother. Take care.
ElleG | 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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Caring for Mom
There are many of us who have “sacrificed” our lives to care for an aging parent. Being a part of this group, I can tell you that the sacrifice is not in vain. You may never hear the words “thank you”, but you will have peace of mind and spirit in the knowledge that you did what you believed to be the right thing.
Also, since you have children of your own, you have given them the opportunity to witness what true responsibility and love involve. Children learn by example and the example you are providing for them is invaluable and will serve them well as they grow into adulthood.
Your siblings may have abandoned you and your mom for their own personal and perhaps selfish reasons, but I urge you not to make their behavior your issue. Eventually, if they have consciences, they will have to deal with their guilt about not stepping up. Forgive them and find peace in knowing that your actions were motivated by genuine care and concern.
Deb W | 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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Caring for Mom
I am 24, I used to work full time, but recently have my days cut down to two at work. I am a full time student with 5 classes/ 19 units, and I have a 3 year old baby girl. My husband and I have taken it upon ourselves to take care of my mother who is diabetic and Schizophrenic. I love my mom very much, but I feel that my father should be caring for her. I feel overwhelmed with pressures at school, work, at home with my husband, and that it is not a good idea to have my mother around my daughter.
i love my mother, but she says things and does things that would normally put anyone else on edge. I hope my father gets to care for her soon because I am at my breaking point and I feel terrible saying it, but I can’t live my life this way anymoe.
Growing up was traumatic. My father did the best thing he knows how to do, leave and avoid the problem or drink. Then he cheated on my mother, and left my two suisters, my mom. and me to fend for ourselves. Now that things are tough, he seems very forced to come back and take care of her again.
I understand your frustrations, but I need help, too.
I too have been dealing with two siblings that want to wash their hands of our poor mother.
nelly pulido | 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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to: Nelly Pulido
Having a close family member with mental illness such as schizophrenia can be devastating. It’s a difficult diagnosis for a professional to manage, let alone a young wife and mother and student, such as yourself. You may have to ask yourself the difficult question, which will be the focus of your efforts; your mother, or yourself and your family? No one has a right to judge your decision, except your daughter. If you feel your young family is at risk, a question worth answering is; what would your mother want for you in her right mind?
Don’t know if that helps, but I do know something about the effects of schizophrenia on family members.
e hart | 6 months, 2 weeks ago
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CARING FOR MOM
The demise of a Mom is so difficult to handle. I had to give up my lively hood, my home and all things dealing with a normal life when it was time to take care of my Mom in her last days. She was bed ridden, had a feeding tube, was on two oxygen machines going full blast twenty four hours a day. It was so hard to handle but I know the “Man that can” and He did. My precious Jesus gave me the strength and guidance to take care of her and to return to her some of the love she had given me. My mother passed away but I would do it all over again if I could. May God’s grace comfort and keep you.
harriett smith | 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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I care for my mother also
My mother said to me: “Daughter, today and always, please know that I see you, I see the path you’ve made that’s all your own, I see many unique gifts and talents you have to share, I see your brilliance, your enthusiasm, and how deeply you care and hurt sometimes, I see your hard-earned wisdom, your soft pure innocence, your courage and compassion, your unconditional goodness, I see what a difference you make in this world, and I hope you know how much I love you, and how proud I’ll always be to have a daughter as wonderful as you”.
I love my mom.
Shonda Grogan | 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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Caring for Mom
The other people who commented addressed some of the emotional and ethical issues, to which I say “ditto.” There are also some practical considerations in giving care. I know our local Alzheimer’s Association helps caregivers of people with dementia learn about these things and how to get help. You could check in with your chapter. For example, they will know who can help pay for help in the home. Also, your state may have programs to help children who give up their incomes to care for parents. For example, in Ohio, where I live, a new program lets your mother’s home care money be used to “hire” you as her caregiver. (The program is called PASSPORT.) That doesn’t really pay you for all your time, but it does give you a small income of your own. Also, although your intention is for her to not go to a nursing home, if she needs one for a short time at the very end, you will be left homeless when her house is sold to pay for the nursing home. In Ohio, the house can be signed over to you as part of her Medicaid spenddown. The Alzheimer’s Association is of real help to caregivers, giving emotional support and education. (Now for my own ethical statement: I work for the Alzheimer’s Association, but I don’t think that makes my comments self-serving, because my comments are accurate, I don’t benefit from the programs mentioned, and most of our services are free because of donations and grants.)
Cheryl | 6 months, 3 weeks ago
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educator
I love and iknow that GOD loves and is smiling at you. His word says honor thy father and thy mother. You are obeying. He also says obedience is better than sacrifice. Do some research on the internet and find what kind of help you can receive for families who are taking care of love ones in their home. Don’t become resentful. This is the time for to still enjoy your mom. You have already gotten over one hurdle you got your mom living with you. Now what you need to do is find out how to improve the quality of life for you and your family and your mom. Take some time and devote it to GOD. He is a near and present help.
miller | 6 months, 1 week ago
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thats good
awww i understand how you feel you doin alot and going to get alot of blessin because you helpin some one who need it god got a plan for you im 17 and i see how strong yuo and are and i wanna be like you and be responsbility
jasmind jones | 6 months ago
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Mrs.
I appreciate your good and generous gesture to take care of your Mom .I am from India and live in USA but the best gift that anyoffspring can give to their parents in gratitude is the service, in any form .Keep it up.I know how challenging it woul dbe for you but if you are ambitious one day you will rise up to build your career. In the past I had taken care of my Mom for 3 months and lost my Professor job and I was taking care of the family and after a break of 20 years I am back to work So if I can do it you can do it too and be motivated. Give the unconditional care and love that you need to give. You will get experience in the filed and can start as a Homemaker and Companion job in the Health field and if you are determined and excell in your work they will support you for education.
Usha Kommuru | 5 months, 4 weeks ago
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