Complications - Worth Fighting For

I am sorry this pains you so much; but I definitely understand the internal turmoil — and need to seek counseling (as another poster suggested to you) myself. But I am confused … you say you pay your child support, so why are you not granted visitation or custody (where there would be very limited interaction with the mother, just picking up and dropping off?)

In my situation, I refuse to file for child support because it is now calculated as %-age of incomes and my income is so much more than his (unemployed most of the time now), that his responsibility would be the minimum — which is only like $75/month. And even if he didn’t pay that amount on time, I could never refuse to allow him visitation. This is because the court system I am in truly believes a father’s contribution can extend well beyond monetary support. So, I simply haven’t told him that the protection order I have against him doesn’t preclude him from demanding his parental right to visitation with his son. I only know this because I petitioned the judge to include my son on my TPO and SHE refused, indicating that may interfere with his rights as a parent. So, the court system I am in does NOT necessarily side with the mother in every respect. So, what would I suggest you do? Ask for a review of your child support amount (laws have changed in the past few years that could drastically change what you pay) and when you do, request supervised visitation or, assuming you are ready for it, you can get a lawyer and pursue joint custody. Given that you should be able to find the police report documenting that she admitted to assaulting you and you did not press charges against her, you should have a pretty good case. If none of it works out, yes, you may feel even more defeated.

On the other hand, maybe the feeling of fighting for knowing your child/grandchild will be exuberant. If your daughter bonded with you for over a year and wanted you to kiss her mother, it is most likely that she has fond memories of you tucked away in her mind and she will look for you when she is older (and when she finds you, you can show her the paperwork proving that you did your best to try to be there for her in every way).

vickie | 1 year, 9 months ago
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Forgive

This was an amazingly well done film. Thanks and congrats to everyone involved.

Forgiveness can be a hard thing to do sometimes. There is rarely ever a one-sided story. Forgiveness and understanding can bring warmth back into our lives. Not only must we forgive each other, but ourselves as well.

My heart and prayers go out to those in need. Thank you again for making this.

Chris Schultz | 1 year, 8 months ago
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Always in my heart

One of the saddest moments in my life was when my daughter told me that she did not have a father; that her father was dead. It’s been a few years now and she refuses to forgive me. Guess I was not there for her and her brother as they were growing up. As to why I was not there, I am not going to blame anyone but myself. God only knows the pain and emptiness that exists in my heart because of it.

I have two younger sons now from a recent relationship and I am attempting to not make the same mistake again. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, I might have to once again leave them. Becoming homeless makes it harder to be there for them. I will give it all as I will cease to exist before giving up.

To my daughter: you are always in my heart.

AL VILLALOBOS | 1 year, 8 months ago
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To forgive or not to forgive

As a general rule I believe forgiveness is extremely important. However, I also know that it isn’t just something you can do. Maybe if it were something small like your best friend staining your favorite shirt. Forgiveness is easy then but here’s the truth, speaking from personal experience: this kind of forgiveness takes years. You can’t just say “I forgive you” and then all the anger and resentment disappears. You have to work through it. You have to figure out what exactly you have to forgive them for. It doesn’t just work this way. The woman might have made the trip to see him but for years she’ll have to work on her own emotions and how she feels about his leaving. She got closure… not forgiveness.

Lee | 1 year, 8 months ago
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selfless

One thing everyone needs to keep in mind is forgiveness isn’t something earned — It is a selfless act no matter what has happened, whether the person asks you or not to forgive. Through that, you can touch the surface of what real love is. Not expecting anything in return even if you forgive and they either don’t care or don’t know for that matter. To do this, all you have to do is want it and remember you’re not better then anyone else. The difference is choices we make.

rebecca c | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Help me to forgive

I have hurt someone who means the world to me, one of my children. I have also hurt someone who I cared for very much. I was faced with something that at that time I could not handle. With the limited experience at life I had (I was 21), and not being very mature I was not able to put all the facts together and to think through the options and do the right thing. I know that I did the best I could with the information that was given to me at the time, and in no way did I hurt them on purpose, but that does not make this any easier. I have always taken responsibility for my actions. I have no one to blame but myself.

I had dated a girl who I cared for very much, at some point in our relationship we parted ways. I moved about 30 miles away and we did not see each other except occasionally when I came down to the little town where she lived. I received a call about 7 months later saying I should come down to see her. She told me she was pregnant and the child was mine. I wish I could remember what the first thoughts that came to my mind but I can’t. We talked about getting married and raising our child. I took her to the doctor where she said some things that gave me my first doubts about wither the child was mine. The more time passed the more I doubted what was going on. The voices I choose to listen to where telling me that the child was not mine. I really wish I had taken the time to talk to her so I could have seen it in her eyes and we could talk this whole thing out. Instead I choose to run. I was very angry and confused and I really did not know what to think. I spent the next few months running from all the people who had any part in this. In February of the next year, she had a child and at some point after the birth I could feel that the child was mine. I really don’t know how to explain any other way but I knew in my heart that this child was mine. I made a feeble attempt to try to talk to her and try to work this all out. I was told that there was no way I was getting back in to just forget it. Without any understanding of what this all really meant and without any help from anyone I let her go.

About 5 years later I was living in another state when received a call from her mom. I was working midnights at the time so I was in bed. My wife answered and tried to get me up but it did not work. She went back to the phone to see if she could take a message but she said that she would call back. I tried to find out what was going on through a few friends I still had where they lived, but before they got back to me someone called me a few days later to say she had just passed away from cancer. I cannot begin to tell you how I felt I had no Idea what I should do. I can’t begin to tell you what I was feeling she was gone and my child was without her parents. How could I let this happen why was I so weak and so unable to do the right thing 5 years ago? Now what am I going to do!!! I know what I wanted to do was to go and get her no matter what. I wanted her with me! Unfortunately for me I signed a letter stating I would not come after her and try to get custody. I was so confused, so sad, so mad at myself for ever letting this happen. I wanted to see her so bad but how could I call them and let them know what I was thinking and how I felt when they just lost their daughter, I thought they would hate me even more for trying to come back just because of what had happened. The only thing I had going for me was that she had a grandparents who I knew would love her and take care of her.

It’s 14 more years later and I’m trying to get into her life she is now 20 years old. I found her on myspace; I saw a picture of her for the first time, since I saw a picture of her when she was only 2. She is so beautiful. Her aunt, her mom’s sister is very bitter and is telling her to have nothing to do with me. I had my chance and I threw it away. She is telling her that by seeing me she is tarnishing the image of her dead mother. I got the chance to meet her a few months ago and what a beautiful girl she has turned out to be. I am so thankful that her grandparents raised her so well. My meeting her has only infuriated her aunt even more and now my daughter won’t speak to me or send me any e-mails. She has told me that she thinks her mom would want her to do what see wanted to do. She has also told me that this would be so much easier on her if her aunt would support her just as her grandparents have. I’m trying to remain strong but it is so hard. I don’t know what to do.

I know that I’m supposed to forgive myself for what has happened but how do you do that? How can I take all the pain out of my heart? How do you forgive yourself for hurting so badly one of the most important things in my life my child? How can I make her understand how sorry I am? I have explained to my other 3 kids that they have a sister that they never knew about. How do I make them understand how this has happened? How can I look them in the eye after I have talked so strongly about being responsible in everything you do in life?

Mike Willman | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Forgive and Forget

My father was a child of an alcoholic and never forgave him. As a result, even though he had become sober, my sister and I were never able to see and meet our grandfather while he was alive. I know my parents thought they were doing the best thing, but I truly wish I could have met him. In this case, I had to forgive my parents. I just hope that Dad finally found forgiveness in his heart for his Dad.

Beth Lawrence | 1 year, 6 months ago
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