I'm the other end...

Mike,

I am the Daddy to child who is not mine. I had my doubts, as you did, and took the DNA test, and she’s not mine…yet she is. Children are the greatest gift God provides, as I see you know from your writing.

Right now I’m paying for a custody battle to be sure the “father” never sees her again in his life without supervision because once his mother asked for child support, he (being military) decided he wanted to play legal games. Not knowing legal is a game of chess. He never paid anything for the child, even after DNA proved otherwise. Basically, he’s a dead beat dad.

We’ve been setting this up for years…me mostly, but with my ex. I’m not with her now, but even after “we” didn’t work this out, she’s still my daughter, and he’s still not a fit father.

He’ll lose custody, visitation, and have to pay child support. That still doesn’t make it right. Even though I’m daddy, I’m not father…and that hurts my heart the most.

I know somewhere deep down that eventually he’ll mature, and when he does…how will I react? I was there when she took her first step, not him. I was there when she spoke her first word, not him. I’m still not father, just “daddy” and I wouldn’t try to tell her different.

In reality, what it comes down to is what is right for the child. She needs to know where she comes from and sometimes that’s not easy. Sometimes it takes time to be able to explain.
Right now I just want my daughter back. I have given 4 years of my life to her and so has her mother. Her father has been with her less than 100 days in her life and he’s paid support and visited her less than that. He’s even saying he doesn’t care and he’ll sign over rights as long as he doesn’t have to pay support.

She’s my child and I love her. If I lose her again, I feel your pain, because not only have I lost my daughter, I’ve lost my hope…my family, and my future.

Perhaps this gives you another perspective?

Me

Dan England | 1 year, 5 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

From the other side again

I don’t know if my first submission will pass approval, but I want you to know that you have turned out to be an honorable man and the actions you took have been honorable. What’s most important is that your child knows you care.

I have personal conflicts with a situation like this because I’m a father for a man who wasn’t a father, but that doesn’t mean that the father is NOT the father.

You are doing the right thing. Let her know you are there; let her know you care. If the mother did her job right, she never forgot about you. I never plan to replace the father of my daughter…only to be “daddy”. If he gives up, that’s on him…not me. I love that child, and I will love her forever.

What you have done, you can only ask forgiveness from her. If she does or doesn’t: you did the right thing. I respect daddies who care…and you sir, do. Don’t worry, if she doesn’t see it now, she will. You are still her father.

God bless you.

Dan England | 1 year, 5 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

re, from the other side-I'm on the other end.

Dan,
Thanks so much for your comments. I’m not sure why but my computer won’t let me reply to your post so I hope you get this. I will say that this is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I try so hard to put myself in the other side to see how they may be feeling but it is hard. Unless you live it you don’t know what the other person is feeling or thinking. In my case I have always cared and loved my daughter but for so long I just didn’t get what all this really meant and by the time I did I felt it was too late for me to try to talk with them. I realize now what I fool I really was.
The thing that hurts me the most is that her Aunt who had a lot to do with raising her after her mom passed away is seemingly using her mom against me and her. Saying that by seeing me she is ruining the memory of her mom and I’m sure countless other things as well. I don’t think thats fair to use her in this way. I have, I guess used her mom in ways too but I think in good ways. I tried to explain to her that her mom and I really cared for each other and that she was conceived in love, something I will always believe in my heart. Maybe that’s wrong but I needed to understand how I felt for me in my heart so I could start to make some sense of all of this. I have always loved that girl and I always will. When we met she said so many things that made me believe she wanted to start some kind of relationship. We were so close and now we are so far away. I think that by wanting a relationship with me she thinks that she will be stabbing her aunt in the back!!! My other daughter who is 18 now doesn’t understand much of this told me last week she could not stand to be around me because she hates to see me this way. She said that she hates my other daughter because she won’t see me or talk to me. We spent 2 or 3 hours talking with each other about the situation so I could help her understand how my daughter may be feeling. After that she sent her a very nice message telling her she is there for her if ever she needs her. I don’t know how to handle this and I’m not sure what to do next. I have just found out that my mom needs me to take her to where my daughter lives to see her brother who is having surgery next week. Do I let her know I’m coming into town? Most of the time I’m so confused that I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess I would tell you to keep an open mind about this man who is the “father”. People do change. I don’t know your whole story but I’m with you and will be praying for you!!!!!

god bless you
Mike

Mike Willman | 1 year, 5 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

Father

It is much easier to forgive when you are not the one forgiving. Forgiving for not being there is nothing. Try forgiving for having to knowingly be at a loss for being able to spend time with your daughter when the wife is the one that lied and cheated. There are people in prison wrongfully and there are fathers that are wrongfully denied custody of their children……I will be one of those soon. Will I forgive her? Never, may she be tortured one day with a loss that is as equal to mine! Forgive? Never!

Anonymous | 1 year, 1 month ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

How to forgive?

How to forgive? I am an adult and as a child went through a very bitter divorce. My father wasn’t part of my life and it hurts everyday to know that I don’t know what it’s like to be daddy’s little girl. I have made attempts on several occasions from my teenage years to the present and I would like to know “How do you pick and choose your children” About five years ago my father only spoke with my older brother mind you I am the ONLY girl and I have a younger brother. My mother as well as my father kept this relationship a secret. I found out from my niece whom was 7 at the time. I was hurt beyond belief till this day my mother kept me away from my father as a child. Now being a responsible adult I make my own decisions. I recently saw my father and we spoke and that question came up. How come you spoke with only one of your children and you have three? He wouldn’t answer me. And on top of that he gave me his phone number and said I will wait till you call me. I am torn. Do I want to have a relationship with him? Why hasn’t he called me? Do I forgive him for all the hurt? Does he understand how I feel? I have so many questions……

Nadine | 1 year, 1 month ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

Forgiveness beyond the grave

The message in this film is far reaching into the fabric of our culture. Unresolved traumatic memories hijacks present choice, steals hope, and holds one hostage to the past. Unless and until reconciliation occurs, the cycle continues.
My dad passed away Fourteen years ago. When I think of him, I’m reminded to weigh my choices in light of the legacy I want to leave behind. In light of this, I am challenged to consider the consequence of my choices as far reaching into the lives of my loved ones and others.
My Dad’s choices, some of which are revealed in my book (in press), “THE DAY THE LILY DIED: Memoir of a Broken Brain,” remain a crucial part of his legacy. Yet many more follow him. I will never in this life have the opportunity to share my forgiveness with my Dad for his negligence and emotional abandonment. I suspect he died never knowing how frightened I was and how indelibly his actions marked my behavior, or how much forgiveness was warranted. The power of forgiveness transcends our ability to know how far the grace of God can reach—even beyond the grave. What I mean by that is when I cried out to the Lord for strength to forgive my Dad I did it because I understood that when he wounded my heart, it penetrated the heart of God.
The power of forgiveness isn’t necessarily in the exchange between two people. The power of forgiveness is in acknowledging the only One who is able to impart reconciliation through grace; that unmerited favor that is bestowed upon me by one and only one act of myself, the act of faith. The power of forgiveness comes when I present my disappointment, anger, fear, and resentment to the Lord with a full account of how deeply the offense marked my life and the choices I made as a result.
I love the ending of this film – leaving the rest to our imagination . . .

Kimberly Faye | 11 months, 3 weeks ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

Family

I am about 50 years old, and I had three families, in my life time and i find myself fighting with God and the system, why? Do familird not stay together anymore. My ex- tell me that people just fall out of love and there is no family. Iif they lose the shine you just need to get a new one, that is from a 45 year old lady.

Paul loza | 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

I Can Be Better

My relationship with my Dad deteriorated as he allowed himself to be swept away by alcoholism. I forgave him his frailties and always felt, even as a teenager, “There but for the grace of God go I.” I am glad I could forgive him and I am grateful too for the sacrifices my Mom made to rear me and my brother alone. Thus, my own father experiences compelled me to be as good a Dad as I could and can be, to my daughter and to my son. Though this heart-tugging film does not mirror my life, it does inspire me to be even a better Dad than I am now. For that I am grateful to these talented, under spoken film makers.

Tom Burch | 9 months, 1 week ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

Thank You

Thank you for your response to Dan. It helps me realize that there are still good people around.

Walter Manning | 9 months, 1 week ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

Family

This is a very emotional movie. I like it. If someone hurt you, try to forgive him. If you hurt someone, try to say sorry.

Cadatal, Jefferson Daodaoen | 9 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply

 <  1 2 3 4 5 >  Last » (7 pages)