The Responsibility Project^®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

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• April 18, 2008 by S. Wade

  This movie brought many emotions to the surface that I had buried deep inside for years. My father left us when we were only 3, 2 and 1. He was a drunk and died that way when I was 17 years old. I never had the chance to meet him, or tell him how I felt. I guess I still hold on to some of that anger even now, or maybe it's jealousy that I didn't have a father to raise me. There is one thing I can give him now: my forgiveness. After all, he is the man who gave me life, and he is my Dad. Maybe he's not around to hear me say it, but I believe he watches over me and my sister. So, this is for him ... I forgive you, Daddy.

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  • May 31, 2010 by pete

    My life story is quite simular to tghe one I just read. So I also would like to tell my dad that I forgive him. He's dead now b ut I do forgive him.

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  • June 22, 2010 by carol

    wowowow i watched the film and brought tears to my eyes,and like the story i read ,is alot like the realationship i had with my own father,he was a drunk had left my mother and i ,i was very young it brought farness between us.Near the end we were getting along but never really shared much of our feelings wit hone another,then one day i got a call the he had past on,i was sad angry and most of all i never got to say all i wanted to nor a good bye.i know he watching over us all but i wish i could bring back time,loves u dad rip.it isnt easy to live on when you lost some one close to you.For me ive went through it three times and it never gets any easier.

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    • August 4, 2010 by Bongo

      This clip brought out a great deal of emotions as it is similar to the childhood that I had with my father. I watched and cried as I saw myself in that girl and it is a difficult trial a child can ever encounter.

  • July 24, 2010 by VELONIKA VALOA.....

    its time to forget n to forgive.....this story brings tears to my heart....don't leave things too late...its now or never...we will always be a family.....

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• April 20, 2008 by Bob Perks

  Every time I read, hear or see something regarding our inability to forgive, it hurts my heart. In my own writing, I believe love and forgiveness are my driving points and inspiration. I once read, "Forgiving frees the forgiver" My friend, "I Wish You Enough" Bob

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  • April 24, 2010 by Marita Kameroff

    I try to tell my heart and mind to forgive my hurts in life, but when I think of them or hear things related to what hurt me (in the past), I get angry and am unable to forgive when I KNOW I should and NEED to. I ask all of you to pray for me to forgive all those who hurt me and go forth to living a life of true love towards those who interfered in my life.

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    • April 30, 2010 by Ron Wilson

      Just keep trusting in Jesus ! OK He will make it alright if you keep the Faith. I know that's easier said than done,but Jesus will give you the peace that you need to make. I have to keep reminding myself of that.

    • May 22, 2010 by Abeona

      Forgiving allows you to be free and to not forgive you are creating bondage for yourself; I always say to not forgive makes us bigger than our creator since HE forgives us daily. You can read more on my blog at: www.blog.makegirlfriends.com

    • July 15, 2010 by Adriana Morgan

      Marita, Ask God to please forgive those who hurt you, just like Jesus did, ... forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. I pray that you will soon have the joy that forgiveness brings. May God bless you.

    • July 16, 2010 by Yvonne Pardue

      I feel your pain because I have been through so much pain with my family. I took care of my father before he died with cancer 10 days before my daughter was born. My mother would not do anything for him and had an affair which hurt him deeply. I watched him suffer for 3 years which built up much hate and resentment for my mother. When he died I told her that she was already dead as far as I was concerned. I promised her when she was old and sick that I would not take care of her because of the way she treated my father. I can only tell you that although I still had a relationship with my mother after my father died I had that deep seeded hatred in my injured soul; me and my 2 oldest siblings had a falling out with our 2 youngest siblings over my mom. I did not go see her for 9 months when my brother called and told me about her obituary in the newspaper. God can make your heart like it was when you were a small child and did not know how to hold a grudge or how to hate. I am praying for you to ask God to take away your pain as he has mine. I have to live with the fact that although I really loved my mother no mater what she did that she died without all her children at her side thinking 3 of them hated her. God gave me many signs just weeks before she died but no I was right and if she cared she would call me. I would give anything to have the oppotunity that you do to talk and to forgive while she was still living but I held her in my arms and begged her to forgive me after she died. Now my siblings still are not talking but I have relationships with all my siblings and please pray that they will forgive each other so we can all be a family again. You will not regret it if you forgive , just please talk to them before it is to late. I will help you any way I can. Email me back and I will tell you how I was able to let the pain go. Forgiving your father will help heal your soul. May God be with you!

  • July 14, 2010 by belle

    It's really hard to forgive someone that had done something to you that deeply rooted in your soul;.....My father is still alive but the pain inside of me still hurts, it's just not that easy to forgive him, especially that i blame him for the hardships i'vebeen through and he wasn't even there to protect me...Such a long story to state the reason..ANyway, i guess it's just normal to forgive saomeone at the time that person will already die or dying, Yes, i don't want that to happen but at the same time for now i just can't seem to forgive that easily...Still thanx to this film..very inspiring..

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• April 25, 2008 by Jeff Payne

  I think this girl told herself that her father was dead so many times it unfortunately became her truth. What a fabulous job of directing. I loved this film. I have a similar past and could really relate to this. The art direction and the editing is wonderfully haunting. The ending perfectly restrained. Life is indeed a messy affair but this film rightfully suggests that with a bit of humility forgiveness can push back the shadows of bitterness enough for love to grow once again.

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• April 30, 2008 by Brenda Mays

  This was truly an emotional film. Having grown up with a loving father, I can’t imagine my childhood without him. The daughter was fortunate that she had the chance to talk with her father before he died. We should all take advantage of opportunities to forgive the ones that hurt us, as well as ask for forgiveness from the ones we have hurt. Forgiveness puts an end to painful memories. It helps you to bring about closure so you can move on with your life.

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  • September 21, 2008 by Beth Lawrence

    My father was a child of an alcoholic and never forgave him. As a result, even though he had become sober, my sister and I were never able to see and meet our grandfather while he was alive. I know my parents thought they were doing the best thing, but I truly wish I could have met him. In this case, I had to forgive my parents. I just hope that Dad finally found forgiveness in his heart for his Dad.

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  • July 11, 2010 by Yolanda Jordan

    I read your commit about you having trouble to forgive, I've been there but trust me I found out that I was only hindering my self by not for giving because that person that done me some wrong was resting at nite living there life not giving a second thought as to what they done to me, but when I prayed each time it came on my mind I gave it to god, it was then and only then that I begin to start forgiving and grow because we dont know what we were put here for but god does and if we gonna be what he has planned for us maybe we had to experience this pain in order to help some one else and if whatever was done to you the person that done it can not fool god . God will see to it that that persons reap what they sowed. So you smile , pray and keep living in peace and have a clean heart you will be rewarded. dont worry about what people say and think they can't help us get our crown that waits on us , so why should we invests our concerns into some one that cant help us at all. It dont matter what man thinks or say, man will always put us down and reminds us of the past whenever they wants us feeling bad about situation of the past, but am telling you dont let man have this kind of control over your life, let god have control and use your past experience as a testimony and be blessed try this. I guarantee an event will take place in your life and you will know that noone did this but god. take care be blessed

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• May 11, 2008 by Dan England

  I can speak to this from the fathers perspective. I have lost my daughter due to something similar to this. I couldn't stay with her mother. She blew our money and partied all night, and slept every day. She lied to me, assaulted me, stole from me, and cheated on me. Eventually, I had to go. It's funny, I see this from many different angles as it applies to my life. But I miss my baby. I can't watch this video...it kills me.

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  • May 14, 2008 by vickie

    Interestingly enough, I was forced to leave my home with my son because his father blew our money and partied all night, would come home and harass me all night when I had to go to work the next day, and then he would sleep all day -- and would not keep a job. He lied to me, assaulted me, stole from me, and cheated on me. Like you, I had to find the strength to go ...so my baby could have the good life I always intended for him. It sounds like you have left your daughter with a mother who does not put your baby's best interest first ... or she would not have mistreated you that way. Since you say that you 'lost' your daughter, maybe it would be good now to take the responsibility and go find your daughter and assert your parental rights. It sounds to me like she deserves to have a loving father on her side. Sure, you may not be able to stay with the mother, but you could sure be in close proximity and keep the watchful eye over your daughter. Of course, it will probably take forgiving her mother to be able to take this major step, but I bet your life will be renewed by doing so.

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    • May 28, 2008 by Dan England

      I find it interesting, and very poignant that the cause of the father's departure is not clearly defined in the film. Is it because he was asked to leave, or because he had to leave for his own sanity? Did the hero of the story (the mother) turn out as she did because of the influences of her mother? Were her impressions of her fathers drinking (which are not substantiated by the later interview with Melissa) a result of her filtered view of history, with the blanks filled in by her mother? Or did she only see her own mother’s view of the story because she was unwilling to see the other side because of her own feelings of abandonment (as the film implies)... How much of this situation led to her current relationship failures (as is clearly evident in the film)? I believe that to cope with situations that are complex, sometimes the wrong message is communicated by adults. They attach themselves to their children, as they are unending sources of love and adoration, and forget that children, no matter how young, understand their parents’ relationships. They observe that's how they learn. The greatest heartbreak in my life was when my 1 1/2 year old was trying to get my and her mother to kiss when we were having a "restrained" disagreement. She kept pressing our heads together saying "Kiss...Kiss"...She could sense the relationship ending... But, with a court system that sides with mothers, and a social services system that enables them, and a society that without error believes in the one-sidedness of any relationship dispute...what recourse is there but to leave? I will always be there for my daughter. But, should I risk a woman who assaulted me, run the risk that she learned her lesson about admitting she assaulted me to the police...and next time she'll lay to the police so I sit in jail? I am by far against physical or emotional abuse of any sort, but what would you tell me if she was a he, and I was a? Get away from him...that's what you would say. Yet, as a father, I am seen as a downcast...a lowlife...I pay my support and then some...I didn't run out. I just couldn't stay around. Will the mother in this story end up being my daughter? Will I not know my own child and my own grandchild? Likely...thanks to the judicial system and our social prejudices. I can't go on...as before...this video kills me... So, I ask...what is the responsible thing to do?

  • May 30, 2008 by Beth Prenot

    The roots of those deep heart tearing pains can be pulled out and replaced by love of living. I am not a counselor but a veteran of 12 years of depression and severe anxiety. My spouse displayed none of the faults cited. We have 4 beautiful adult children, but I for one had unconscious pains tied to every interaction and have discovered what they were, examined them and flown them into the wind like a frisbee. Please seek out help. Life really is worth it. I was totally taken by surprise by what I discovered but once discovered my reasons for acting the way I had were obvious. Finding out how to stay in each present moment as it occurred started me on a path of healing. Your path may be totally different. Good Luck.

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    • June 11, 2009 by Walter Manning

      Thank you for your response to Dan. It helps me realize that there are still good people around.

  • August 1, 2010 by Chris

    Dan I can totally relate. My husband has had much of the same issues. When I met him over 15 years ago he thought he was the worst person and father. In reality he is the most amazing, gentle, and loving man. He faithfully paid above and beyond in child support, buying school clothes (that she would take back and return for cash), provided insurance, etc.etc. He tried to maintain his relationship with his children, but his ex would not allow it. Now 15 years latter I am of blame of it all in their eyes and they hate me beacue they have been lead to believ ethat he picked me over them and this was never the case. When in fact I took them to all their doctor, dental, and vision appointments for the first 8 years we were together and until I had enough of the abuse of her showing up at our house on a whim, creating scenes, and making my own children fearful of the site of her and where she was going to show up next. Her art of verbal abuse and manipulation has haunted us for 15 years. She even did something totally horrifying to try to stop out wedding so many years ago and it involved my 8 year old son and the daughter (3). The lengths she was willing to go to still amazes me. But you know what? I have prayed for her and the children since the day I met my husband and will continue to do so. I have forgiven all and have to believe God has a plan in all this. In fact, I have been encouraging by husband to try to reconcile with his children who are now 18 and 20. I hope an pray it is possible. I have watched his paid over the years, I have watched the way his children have trated him, I have watched the way his ex wife has treated him, and Ihave watched in silence at those tears he could not shed. No one should every have to endure the pyscological and verbal abuse that he has.

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• May 24, 2008 by Carrie

  A while back I saw a behavioral therapist for a short fifteen minute session. She changed my life forever. She explained to me the steps of the grief process: 1. Shock 2. Denial 3. Sadness 4. Anger 5. Healing She said that to get through any loss, all five steps must be worked through. Look up the definitions of each in a dictionary sometime for clarity. This is an example of someone stuck in 1 and 2 to avoid the sad and angry. Someone that is never able to heal. Here's one for you that I'll just give away though: forgiveness - to let go of angry feelings. Wow. Think about that! That's deep. You can't heal from any loss - job, person, or item - ANYTHING without forgiveness. As a Christian that speaks volumes. It is food for thought. One of my favorite sayings: “It's not about the years in your life. It's about the LIFE in your years.” Love this. What wonderful directing! Well done.

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• May 25, 2008 by Barbara Trettner_Balog

  The Story was really great i lost my father 11 years ago to cancer. And I could have done so many things different. thank you. I had the BEST FATHER in the world.

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  • March 30, 2009 by Kimberly Faye

    The message in this film is far reaching into the fabric of our culture. Unresolved traumatic memories hijacks present choice, steals hope, and holds one hostage to the past. Unless and until reconciliation occurs, the cycle continues. My dad passed away Fourteen years ago. When I think of him, I’m reminded to weigh my choices in light of the legacy I want to leave behind. In light of this, I am challenged to consider the consequence of my choices as far reaching into the lives of my loved ones and others. My Dad’s choices, some of which are revealed in my book (in press), "THE DAY THE LILY DIED: Memoir of a Broken Brain," remain a crucial part of his legacy. Yet many more follow him. I will never in this life have the opportunity to share my forgiveness with my Dad for his negligence and emotional abandonment. I suspect he died never knowing how frightened I was and how indelibly his actions marked my behavior, or how much forgiveness was warranted. The power of forgiveness transcends our ability to know how far the grace of God can reach—even beyond the grave. What I mean by that is when I cried out to the Lord for strength to forgive my Dad I did it because I understood that when he wounded my heart, it penetrated the heart of God. The power of forgiveness isn’t necessarily in the exchange between two people. The power of forgiveness is in acknowledging the only One who is able to impart reconciliation through grace; that unmerited favor that is bestowed upon me by one and only one act of myself, the act of faith. The power of forgiveness comes when I present my disappointment, anger, fear, and resentment to the Lord with a full account of how deeply the offense marked my life and the choices I made as a result. I love the ending of this film – leaving the rest to our imagination . . .

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• June 26, 2008 by Chris Schultz

  This was an amazingly well done film. Thanks and congrats to everyone involved. Forgiveness can be a hard thing to do sometimes. There is rarely ever a one-sided story. Forgiveness and understanding can bring warmth back into our lives. Not only must we forgive each other, but ourselves as well. My heart and prayers go out to those in need. Thank you again for making this.

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  • June 28, 2008 by Beth Prenot

    Yes, Chris, we must always forgive both others and ourselves the moment we feel pain or sense another is in pain. To do otherwise only spreads the pain further or destroys us. We are all humans, all make the best most compassionate decisions we can at the time we act. Just as important as it is to forgive others and ourselves it is important to admit or errors. The parent who refuses to acknowledge his or her own errors does an injustice to their children by causing the false belief that perfection is attainable or desirable as a goal. The friend or acquaintance whose actions have caused pain and fails to apologize places a large barrier which both individuals must constantly move around. Forgiving and apologizing go hand in hand. They help us get along, enjoy the brief life we have on earth, stay healthy, and recognize our inner connectedness. What could be nicer.

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• June 26, 2008 by AL VILLALOBOS

  One of the saddest moments in my life was when my daughter told me that she did not have a father; that her father was dead. It’s been a few years now and she refuses to forgive me. Guess I was not there for her and her brother as they were growing up. As to why I was not there, I am not going to blame anyone but myself. God only knows the pain and emptiness that exists in my heart because of it. I have two younger sons now from a recent relationship and I am attempting to not make the same mistake again. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, I might have to once again leave them. Becoming homeless makes it harder to be there for them. I will give it all as I will cease to exist before giving up. To my daughter: you are always in my heart.

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  • August 27, 2008 by Dan England

    A mother, god bless her, has an enduring natural relationship with a child. A father, does not. I feel your pain, in the sense that I believe there are many good men who want to be good fathers, but situations do not allow. This film destroys me emotionally every time I watch it, not because I don't know if I am a good father, because I know I am, but, because of the lies about me her mother will spread, and my worry that I will become that man to my daughter. The "drunk loser"...who the worthless mother pawns off her own faults upon. Life is far deeper than that, and this film reflects it perfectly.

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• July 12, 2008 by Lee

  As a general rule I believe forgiveness is extremely important. However, I also know that it isn't just something you can do. Maybe if it were something small like your best friend staining your favorite shirt. Forgiveness is easy then but here's the truth, speaking from personal experience: this kind of forgiveness takes years. You can't just say "I forgive you" and then all the anger and resentment disappears. You have to work through it. You have to figure out what exactly you have to forgive them for. It doesn't just work this way. The woman might have made the trip to see him but for years she'll have to work on her own emotions and how she feels about his leaving. She got closure... not forgiveness.

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• September 8, 2008 by rebecca c

  One thing everyone needs to keep in mind is forgiveness isn't something earned -- It is a selfless act no matter what has happened, whether the person asks you or not to forgive. Through that, you can touch the surface of what real love is. Not expecting anything in return even if you forgive and they either don't care or don't know for that matter. To do this, all you have to do is want it and remember you're not better then anyone else. The difference is choices we make.

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• September 12, 2008 by Mike Willman

  I have hurt someone who means the world to me, one of my children. I have also hurt someone who I cared for very much. I was faced with something that at that time I could not handle. With the limited experience at life I had (I was 21), and not being very mature I was not able to put all the facts together and to think through the options and do the right thing. I know that I did the best I could with the information that was given to me at the time, and in no way did I hurt them on purpose, but that does not make this any easier. I have always taken responsibility for my actions. I have no one to blame but myself. I had dated a girl who I cared for very much, at some point in our relationship we parted ways. I moved about 30 miles away and we did not see each other except occasionally when I came down to the little town where she lived. I received a call about 7 months later saying I should come down to see her. She told me she was pregnant and the child was mine. I wish I could remember what the first thoughts that came to my mind but I can’t. We talked about getting married and raising our child. I took her to the doctor where she said some things that gave me my first doubts about wither the child was mine. The more time passed the more I doubted what was going on. The voices I choose to listen to where telling me that the child was not mine. I really wish I had taken the time to talk to her so I could have seen it in her eyes and we could talk this whole thing out. Instead I choose to run. I was very angry and confused and I really did not know what to think. I spent the next few months running from all the people who had any part in this. In February of the next year, she had a child and at some point after the birth I could feel that the child was mine. I really don’t know how to explain any other way but I knew in my heart that this child was mine. I made a feeble attempt to try to talk to her and try to work this all out. I was told that there was no way I was getting back in to just forget it. Without any understanding of what this all really meant and without any help from anyone I let her go. About 5 years later I was living in another state when received a call from her mom. I was working midnights at the time so I was in bed. My wife answered and tried to get me up but it did not work. She went back to the phone to see if she could take a message but she said that she would call back. I tried to find out what was going on through a few friends I still had where they lived, but before they got back to me someone called me a few days later to say she had just passed away from cancer. I cannot begin to tell you how I felt I had no Idea what I should do. I can’t begin to tell you what I was feeling she was gone and my child was without her parents. How could I let this happen why was I so weak and so unable to do the right thing 5 years ago? Now what am I going to do!!! I know what I wanted to do was to go and get her no matter what. I wanted her with me! Unfortunately for me I signed a letter stating I would not come after her and try to get custody. I was so confused, so sad, so mad at myself for ever letting this happen. I wanted to see her so bad but how could I call them and let them know what I was thinking and how I felt when they just lost their daughter, I thought they would hate me even more for trying to come back just because of what had happened. The only thing I had going for me was that she had a grandparents who I knew would love her and take care of her. It's 14 more years later and I'm trying to get into her life she is now 20 years old. I found her on myspace; I saw a picture of her for the first time, since I saw a picture of her when she was only 2. She is so beautiful. Her aunt, her mom’s sister is very bitter and is telling her to have nothing to do with me. I had my chance and I threw it away. She is telling her that by seeing me she is tarnishing the image of her dead mother. I got the chance to meet her a few months ago and what a beautiful girl she has turned out to be. I am so thankful that her grandparents raised her so well. My meeting her has only infuriated her aunt even more and now my daughter won't speak to me or send me any e-mails. She has told me that she thinks her mom would want her to do what see wanted to do. She has also told me that this would be so much easier on her if her aunt would support her just as her grandparents have. I'm trying to remain strong but it is so hard. I don't know what to do. I know that I’m supposed to forgive myself for what has happened but how do you do that? How can I take all the pain out of my heart? How do you forgive yourself for hurting so badly one of the most important things in my life my child? How can I make her understand how sorry I am? I have explained to my other 3 kids that they have a sister that they never knew about. How do I make them understand how this has happened? How can I look them in the eye after I have talked so strongly about being responsible in everything you do in life?

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  • September 23, 2008 by Dan England

    Mike, I am the Daddy to child who is not mine. I had my doubts, as you did, and took the DNA test, and she's not mine...yet she is. Children are the greatest gift God provides, as I see you know from your writing. Right now I'm paying for a custody battle to be sure the "father" never sees her again in his life without supervision because once his mother asked for child support, he (being military) decided he wanted to play legal games. Not knowing legal is a game of chess. He never paid anything for the child, even after DNA proved otherwise. Basically, he's a dead beat dad. We've been setting this up for years...me mostly, but with my ex. I'm not with her now, but even after "we" didn't work this out, she's still my daughter, and he's still not a fit father. He'll lose custody, visitation, and have to pay child support. That still doesn't make it right. Even though I'm daddy, I'm not father...and that hurts my heart the most. I know somewhere deep down that eventually he'll mature, and when he does...how will I react? I was there when she took her first step, not him. I was there when she spoke her first word, not him. I'm still not father, just "daddy" and I wouldn't try to tell her different. In reality, what it comes down to is what is right for the child. She needs to know where she comes from and sometimes that's not easy. Sometimes it takes time to be able to explain. Right now I just want my daughter back. I have given 4 years of my life to her and so has her mother. Her father has been with her less than 100 days in her life and he's paid support and visited her less than that. He's even saying he doesn't care and he'll sign over rights as long as he doesn't have to pay support. She's my child and I love her. If I lose her again, I feel your pain, because not only have I lost my daughter, I've lost my hope...my family, and my future. Perhaps this gives you another perspective? Me

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  • September 23, 2008 by Dan England

    I don't know if my first submission will pass approval, but I want you to know that you have turned out to be an honorable man and the actions you took have been honorable. What’s most important is that your child knows you care. I have personal conflicts with a situation like this because I'm a father for a man who wasn't a father, but that doesn't mean that the father is NOT the father. You are doing the right thing. Let her know you are there; let her know you care. If the mother did her job right, she never forgot about you. I never plan to replace the father of my daughter...only to be "daddy". If he gives up, that's on him...not me. I love that child, and I will love her forever. What you have done, you can only ask forgiveness from her. If she does or doesn't: you did the right thing. I respect daddies who care...and you sir, do. Don't worry, if she doesn't see it now, she will. You are still her father. God bless you.

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