White Lies: When do they start to yellow?
Do these pants make me look fat?
We all tell white lies, but when we do, are we being irresponsible?
And when we tell white lies as parents—I’ll leave work early for your soccer game—are we harming our kids?
“Don’t feel bad,” says psychologist Alan Hilfer. “We all tend to lie to our children on a regular basis.” Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Those kinds of little white lies, which stoke kids’ imaginations and make for happy memories, are apparently pretty benign.
In fact, our ability to tell white lies actually starts when we are young children and our parents and other adults coax us to spare the feelings of others—Tell grandma how much you love the book she sent you.
According to Professor Victoria Talwar at McGill University, not only are junior’s white lies OK, they’re actually a positive developmental milestone that all children need to achieve.
Such “pro-social” lying shows that kids have developed sympathy and empathy, which are important aspects of social communication, says Professor Talwar. Her revealing hidden-camera tests with children show that fibbing is part of normal brain development.
So if lying starts as normal, when are white lies no longer white? Is the current political trend of “misspeaking” something less than lying? Is bluffing OK? White lies have no place on the reality game show Moment of Truth but wouldn’t one be preferable to admitting the truth on national television that you’d prefer to be married to someone other than your spouse?
Tell us what you think: At what point do white lies start to yellow? Can lying ever be responsible? Do we need to go cold turkey on white lies and learn to value the truth?
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tell the truth
tell the truth may sometimes hurt but telling a little white lie can come back to haunt you
janie mundy | 10 months ago
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Situational Ethics
Not all lies are bad.
If I see a woman hiding from a predator who wants to rape her, should I reply honestly when he asks where she is hiding? Or would it be better to mislead him and send him away from her?
Communication is just a tool that we can use to promote justice or evil. We must use our intellect and reason to apply ethical principles to fit the circumstances of each situation. Granted, in many cases, it’s not easy to discern.
Stephanie Little | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Telling the truth - what is truth?
In my opinion, truth is in the eye of the beholder, just like beauty. What is the truth for you may not be for me. It is as each person sees reality. Just because several people “agree” something is “this way” or “that” way does it make it THE truth? The only truth we know is that everything is relative.
So why not to teach this concept to children since it is the reality as to how society “lies” about white lies? The truth is that everyone lies. Why not to accept it?
t geurts | 9 months, 1 week ago
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Mr.
Is it just me, or do most of the comments on here seem to be written by hired writers? Does that mean they are posting comments about lying that may be lies?
John Q. Mann | 9 months ago
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Wife lyinng ...
Why does someone tell an untruth and then get mad when you don’t believe them? It’s hard to explain. It’s more a contest to make you believe them when the truth would be better for them to tell you. It’s a problem for us and has driven us apart. There seems to be no end to it. How do you cope with it?
jim | 8 months, 2 weeks ago
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Keeping a secret truth
In the Catholic teachings it says, “if truth is virtue and lying is a sin”, what do we do when we know a secret truth? Are we obliged to reveal it as part of our duty to bear witness to the truth? No, the catechism explains that there is no unconditional and universal “right to the communication of truth”. In other words, there may be times when it is not appropriate to reveal truthful, but confidential information. How do we know when it’s O.K. to keep a secret, and when it is a sin? Charity and respect for the truth must determine whether something should be kept secret. No one is bound to reveal the truth to someone who does not have the right to know it. Like confidential information between a doctor and patient or lawyers and clients, must be kept private, if it keeps someone safely from harm, example (leaving an abusive spouse). If you know someone is being abused and they tell you in confidence they are leaving that spouse, do you tell the other spouse, or do you say “oh you know you should tell your spouse, it’s not right and the truth will set you free”.
karen arsenault | 8 months, 2 weeks ago
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Maniging Lies
I lie to my Grandmother and she doesn’t like it. I need money for my family and I sneak and call my teacher, and I’m going to do that today. Sometimes she asks me if I have been calling people. I lie and say no! She gets on me for that and whips me.That gives the ability to teach me the right lesson.
Diamond Newsome | 8 months, 2 weeks ago
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Lying brother
I need help in dealing with a older brother who lies about everything. My brother lies about how much money he makes to what the weather is outside. It has become so bad, to where I do not trust him with my own car or personal things. Recently, we had an argument over me not leaving him the keys to my car when I went away on vacation. He became very upset with me and began to yell and curse at me. I don’t feel comfortable leaving my personal things with someone I don’t trust. How do I deal with someone who lies about everything? I need your help.
natasha letman | 8 months ago
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Truth or Lies
Most of the commentaries express my own opinion about “white” lies, vs. “black“lies. Clearly, there are times when “white” lies are appropriate to save someone from great hurt or humiliation; even for those of us who do have better than average ability to communicate. It is not an intellectual choice we are discussing, it is one of human nature and pathos. I was married to a wonderful man whose only fault was the inability to face controversial issues…and so, inspite of the fact that I told him clearly and directly, that as long as I was given the benefit of the truth there was nothing I wouldn’t stand-by him and support him in. His lack of self-confidence and his fear of disapproval and ultimate abandonment because of it (started way-back in his childhood and never got professional counseling)…caused him to mask the truth if it was unpleasant. Those kinds of lies lead to pain and hurt for both parties, particularly, because most times they are discovered and are far worse to deal with at that level, than if the truth would have been known in the first place. Lieing for any serious or major issue is always a detrement to any relationship and should always be discouraged. Truth, may not always set you free, but the alternative is often too destructive to risk!
Ellen Owen | 7 months ago
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i ikes
i love it
nicke09 | 6 months, 2 weeks ago
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