White Lies: When do they start to yellow?
Do these pants make me look fat?
We all tell white lies, but when we do, are we being irresponsible?
And when we tell white lies as parents—I’ll leave work early for your soccer game—are we harming our kids?
“Don’t feel bad,” says psychologist Alan Hilfer. “We all tend to lie to our children on a regular basis.” Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Those kinds of little white lies, which stoke kids’ imaginations and make for happy memories, are apparently pretty benign.
In fact, our ability to tell white lies actually starts when we are young children and our parents and other adults coax us to spare the feelings of others—Tell grandma how much you love the book she sent you.
According to Professor Victoria Talwar at McGill University, not only are junior’s white lies OK, they’re actually a positive developmental milestone that all children need to achieve.
Such “pro-social” lying shows that kids have developed sympathy and empathy, which are important aspects of social communication, says Professor Talwar. Her revealing hidden-camera tests with children show that fibbing is part of normal brain development.
So if lying starts as normal, when are white lies no longer white? Is the current political trend of “misspeaking” something less than lying? Is bluffing OK? White lies have no place on the reality game show Moment of Truth but wouldn’t one be preferable to admitting the truth on national television that you’d prefer to be married to someone other than your spouse?
Tell us what you think: At what point do white lies start to yellow? Can lying ever be responsible? Do we need to go cold turkey on white lies and learn to value the truth?
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say no to lies
There is no justification for any lies. They are neither little or big, black or white they are lies period.
ramona fletcher | 1 year ago
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Pharisaic Drivel
I believe that anyone who claims him or her never lies, white or otherwise, is already a liar. A full-fledged, honest-to-badness liar! Of MAGNITUDE ONE! A member of that holier-than-thou insensitive, pompous moral bigot society wielding the sanguine hatchet of “TRUTH” while, in simple, brazen, phony, sanctimonious piety, are attempting to present themselves as clothed in pure white linens to conceal their own corruption underneath.
And THAT’s the truth!
WolfPup Brun | 1 year ago
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United States
I think lying to children about childhood fantasy ‘Santa ,tooth fairy,etc’ is a lot different than lying to your spouse. As adults we should be able to receive criticism as adults, not children. I weigh 230 pounds yes I’m fat, big deal. I am the one in control of my body and weight. Lying to your child telling them you’re going to their game and not showing up, yes that’s wrong, but if adults are gonna lie about little things, they will lie about bigger things that could put their relationship and or jobs in jeopardy.
Candy | 1 year ago
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white lies with impact on society
Those so called white lies keep on giving me the creeps. Let me explain what bothers me. A friend has a 9 year old that comes home from school and has homework writing a book. Now here comes the white lie: mom writes the book, uses the computer, even puts a picture on the cover and says to her son, “Ooooh I am so proud of what you have done.” ??????????????? Now this kid goes to school where there are bound to be kids that did all this really by themselves and showed up with a story that has no beginning or end, but at least these 9 year olds did it themselves. Now comes the kid with wonder mom and takes all the credit. How do you think those other kids feel? Also mom does not only leave it to this assignment but helps this kid through school. Then this kid becomes somebody’s boss and he has to kiss ### to a guy who does not even know why he is the boss, and has no clue of half the stuff he is supposed to know becouse of mom, the queen of white lies. And trust me there are a hell of a lot of them in high positions now, that make things difficult for those who know but have no voice.
cedric | 1 year ago
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Husband Lying
I don’t understand but he lies about the smallest things. eg. He lied when I asked him if he bought an Ipod, he did buy one but said he didn’t. His excuse was he though that i would get mad. He has the same excuse all of the time, but he never gives me the opportunity to even get mad, because he lies and never tells me. He lied about a book that cost four dollars. He bought it.. yet he told me that his dad gave it to him because his dad was finished reading it. I haven’t approached him on that one. I think that he has a serious problem. I can’t take it personal, i don’t think… but I do.
dotte | 12 months ago
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What started A Little White Lie?
Am just wondering what started the saying “A little white lie.” Where does the saying come from and why is it white and not blue? I know what it is just not its origin.
Rita Bower | 11 months, 2 weeks ago
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what if
So telling little white lies is OK? But what if those little white lies begin to get bigger and bigger and you cannot stop them from happening, what then?
cairn | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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Santa Claus
I have been teaching my kids that Santa does exist, but not the way I was taught. I teach them to be Santa. They give a present to someone that doesn’t get presents at Christmas; and they write on the present “from Santa”. I watched my little sister’s heart be broken when she found out there was no Santa and didn’t want to put my kids through that. If someone was to give my kids a present and said it was from Santa I let it go, but I am not the one to play Santa. My youngest daughter had fun being Santa this last year and I enjoyed seeing her face when she was able to play Santa rather than get from Santa. I think this will show the kids how to give as well as receive. I pray they will pass it on to their kids.
Bonnie Jean | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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Lying
Lying sometimes is acceptable as long as you’re not hurting anyone. But as long as you will eventually tell the truth.
Crispulo A. Geronimo | 10 months, 2 weeks ago
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Lying
It’s a good and informative course.
Crispulo A. Geronimo | 10 months, 2 weeks ago
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