White Lies: When do they start to yellow?
Do these pants make me look fat?
We all tell white lies, but when we do, are we being irresponsible?
And when we tell white lies as parents—I’ll leave work early for your soccer game—are we harming our kids?
“Don’t feel bad,” says psychologist Alan Hilfer. “We all tend to lie to our children on a regular basis.” Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. Those kinds of little white lies, which stoke kids’ imaginations and make for happy memories, are apparently pretty benign.
In fact, our ability to tell white lies actually starts when we are young children and our parents and other adults coax us to spare the feelings of others—Tell grandma how much you love the book she sent you.
According to Professor Victoria Talwar at McGill University, not only are junior’s white lies OK, they’re actually a positive developmental milestone that all children need to achieve.
Such “pro-social” lying shows that kids have developed sympathy and empathy, which are important aspects of social communication, says Professor Talwar. Her revealing hidden-camera tests with children show that fibbing is part of normal brain development.
So if lying starts as normal, when are white lies no longer white? Is the current political trend of “misspeaking” something less than lying? Is bluffing OK? White lies have no place on the reality game show Moment of Truth but wouldn’t one be preferable to admitting the truth on national television that you’d prefer to be married to someone other than your spouse?
Tell us what you think: At what point do white lies start to yellow? Can lying ever be responsible? Do we need to go cold turkey on white lies and learn to value the truth?
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Santa?
Assume you are a Christian. Substitute the name, “Jesus” for “Santa.” Now how do you proceed?
Richard Bruce | 1 year, 2 months ago
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Santa and Tooth Fairy
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny are all real. They are real! You guys are just non believers!
Jason Gardner | 1 year, 2 months ago
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Lies are wrong
Lies are wrong. They hurt your kids and you – it doesn’t matter what they are.
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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WHITE LIES
I’ll keep it simple. The white lies
I was told were the best, Santa
Claus, tooth fairy etc. I am a grandmother today and my mother
is still alive and I let her know
that, that part of my childhood was
priceless. We were very poor but
my parents white lies gave me
great memories. I love to see my
grandchildren enjoy their childhood.
What pertains to adulthood is altogether a reality of what you believe to be the truth.
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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mom
I don’t like lies. I don’t tell them to my kids. they know nothing of the Easter bunny, or Santa Claus. As a child when I found out the truth about these fictional characters I was hurt by my parents dishonesty. So I always try to tell the truth.
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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lies can hurt
Little lies, white lies are fine like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, but lies to get out of something can hurt and they normally do. Sometimes they can hurt more than getting punched or kicked. Some lies just hurt. So be careful
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Marianne McDonald | 1 year, 2 months ago
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lies do count
All lies count no matter what the circumstance. Don’t play with lies, and also god don’t like liers.
Anonymous | 1 year, 1 month ago
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Funny!!!
I never knew that white lies were good for us!! I always thought they were bad!!
Anonymous | 1 year, 1 month ago
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MaryAnn, if you had a loved one, suffering from low self-esteem issues because of a overweight issue, was very insecure about her entire self, and you knew she was very fragile about the subject of her figure, and she would asked you the “do I look fat” question, I really doubt you would tell her the exact truth, even if you put it in the least hurtful terms
Adriana Sosa | 1 year, 1 month ago
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