The Nanny Diaries
On a hot afternoon in New York City, my friend Miriam was sitting at a grassy public venue, watching her child play alongside other kids in the care of various moms and nannies.
A long-time New York resident, Miriam is fully aware of the city’s urban imperative: mind your own business.
But she couldn’t help but notice the crying of a nearby baby, approximately nine months old, strapped in his stroller facing the sun, while his nanny ignored him and chatted with another nanny.
The minutes passed…5…10…15…the baby’s skin got redder, the crying persisted, and the nanny’s only response was to periodically bark, “Shh! Be quiet!” while brusquely shaking the baby’s stroller.
And that is when Miriam decided she had to do something: she had to stop minding her own business.
In New York, where the number of scary nanny stories surpasses the number of scary subway stories, an increasing number of citizens are posting reports about bad nanny behavior on a blog called I Saw Your Nanny.
The posts—complete with date, time, location, physical descriptions of nanny and child, and sometimes a cell phone photo—will stop the heart of any parent who recognizes his or her nanny or child: I saw your nanny …grabbing your boy by the ear and twisting him…mistreating and roughly handling your 3-5 year old girl…fell asleep right on the bench where she was sitting with her back to your son.
Launched in August 2006, the blog has sparked a debate about the obligations—and limits—of personal responsibility. Critics contend that it’s potentially libelous for strangers to publicly attack a nanny’s professional performance.
But that didn’t stop Miriam from confronting the nanny about the neglected baby. “She told me to mind my own business. Then she started yanking the baby in the stroller. That’s when I told her I was calling 911.”
Aware that NYPD was on its way, the nanny bolted to leave the location, still yelling, “Mind your own business!” Miriam ran ahead of the woman and snapped her picture with her cell phone. But by the time the police arrived, the nanny was gone.
Tell us what you think: When is it right to stop minding your own business and start minding someone else’s? How far would you go in reporting disturbing behavior by a nanny or anyone else?
Add Comment Share This
Comments
We all need help sometimes.
Thanks for your comment; Maybe the nanny was a little less knowledgeable and needed help understanding that babies are people too. I know that with my first son, (now I have 3 boys) I had to cultivate the ability to think about the Golden Rule and wonder what it’s like to be him so I could be a better mom. It takes time and experience to be unselfish enough to nurture another human being whether you’re a mommy like me, who works on weekends while daddy is home with the kids, or a caregiver.
Joyce B. | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Fontana
No problem Terrance, I figure someone’s got to say it.
Kina Barnum | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Fontana
Well Dani if you look back at my post I did make the comment that unless you are single there is no reason why one can’t be raising your own children.
Second I do contribute to my community, just because my family chose to for me to stay home with my children doesn’t mean that me or others like me DON’T contribute to our community’s. In fact I work at home, I have my own business so I can help my family and still contribute to my community.
Third I don’t hole myself up in my home, I believe in excersize to be healthy along with socializing in group settings. I take classes at night and my child and I have daily play dates.
Fourth throw out all the stuff you learned about women’s oppression. It has done a lot for us in the past when it first started but now it’s all about breaking down the family, looking down on women who are SAHM. My children are going to be every bit social, intelligent,creative,wise and will be able to function in this society just like everyone else hopefully better. No one ever thinks about those famous people who were home schooled or had the mother stay home with them, for example Sandra Day O’Connor our female associate justice of our supreme court was taught at home by her mother, later lived with grandmother and attended all girls school and then went onto college. I applaud her mother and grandmother who were brave to do this for her. Abraham Lincoln was taught at home by his mother, he self-taught himself Law and became very good and eventually became our 16th president. So you can say what you want bottom line if a parent can do it then do it, raise your children don’t abandon them to someone else. It just makes sense to me.
Kina Barnum | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Indeed
I am a stay-home mom. I left a blooming career to take care of my daughter and my family, and it was a decision made out of recognition that vows and parenthood demand sacrifice and personal humility to be done correctly. It’s not about me. What IS about me is the volunteer work, hobby pastimes, and from-home continuing education I pursue. I am hardly a shut-in with an apron over my clothes and dark circles under my eyes as I scrub and iron under the oppression of a family that doesn’t appreciate me. Seriously…that’s what women who choose work over their responsibilities to the family seem to think of when they picture staying home. The image they paint if a SAHM’s life stops just short of shackles and illiteracy. I don’t “drill ABC’s” or anything else all day. I play with my child. I teach her. I cook with her. I read with her. I study my own interests while she naps or does her own thing. I contribute through volunteer work, and I maintain friendships and a social life. I’m not to be applauded. What I’m doing is to be expected. It’s what moms are for. It’s what a mother is supposed to do. If you don’t want to be the one raising your kids…then please explain to me why on earth you would choose to have any.
Amy | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Fontana
Exactly Amy, I don’t think people realize in the 50’s SAHM all they did DO was clean, they sent their children off to school and they WERE oppressed to stay at home and be maids, these days, SAHM has a different meaning. Most homeschool and are involved constantly in their children’s lives, in fact I do basic cleaning and my husband doesn’t care all he cares about is if his children and wife are happy and his children are learning to be capable children/Adults.
Kina Barnum | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
It's not the same
If you feel that caring for children is oppressive…then don’t have them. It most certainly is NOT the same or equally responsible of you to have a nanny raising your kids…and you know that, which is why you got defensive and started throwing “oppression” and “little life outside the family” in. Children are not an accessory to “complete” their parents’ happy adult picture. There is NOTHING wrong with being a career woman and finding your fulfillment in your accomplishments outside the home. Nothing at all. There IS a problem with abdicating your responsibility as a parent for your own fulfillment. 6 years at home and another 12 being there when your kids are home from school is the job description. If you don’t want to do that job…don’t apply.
Amy | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Vicious Responses
Mothers are not enemies because of choices made and these “I know better than you, this is your job description, so do as I do” are not helpful dialogs. Women should advocate for each other and respect the choices made. I’ve done both: I put myself through BA and grad degree with 2 kids as a single, divorced mom. I had to work lots of jobs. No nannies, no child support. It was a struggle. My 39 yr old recently thanked me for his happy childhood. I said, “Happy? It was tough, we were poor and I was always busy.” He said, “you never complained. We were happy.” When I married again, there was a 3rd child. I was now 38 and could be a stay at home mom. I loved every minute, it was an amazing adventure. But it ended in divorce and because I had been out of the work force I was financially marginalized even with all my degrees. Women do not have easy choices, you may not think of divorce, but now I work with divorcing women who have gone from 2 or 3 homes to an apt because they left the job market. Having a career and money of your own can be very important. Optimize the choice you make, and make friends with the working mom, the stay at home – we’re all moms and we need each other. One day a SAH may want to return to work and the manager you befriended may want to change jobs and hey – networking works! I can’t believe 28 years since grad school and this fight is still going on. Its time for a change.
Ann | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Life is difficult . . .
with or without children. As a man with two children and a highly successful working wife, I agree completely with Ann. My 3-yr-old daughter says she wants to be a Supreme Court Justice (OK, probably because of my love of the court and our justice system) and a mom. She should be able to be both just as my son should be able to have a full-time career and be a dad. It is unfair for either SAHMs or WMs (working moms) to frame the discussion with a dichotomy that is freedom v. oppression OR good parenting v. neglect.
We have much too learn from other countries and history where families are more involved due to several generations living together (I also think this will soon be identified as an important issue due to its impact on our carbon footprint, but that is another discussion).
This post is about taking responsibility as a member of a community. It should not have become about why some women make the “wrong” choice. Life is difficult and choices always have downsides. We should do what is in our power to help both SAHMs and WMs face fewer downsides.
Randy Yale | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
find the parents no matter what you have to do
Terrence,
That isn’t always possible. I have been there and done that. With my own child. Yes, if you can find the parents on your own, do it. I had a friend leave a note with the doorman for the parents when she was able to follow a nanny home. Me, I had to take my own child to a pediatrician, so after an hour following the nanny, during which time, she also went to a Mandies clothing store and parked the child against a wall, I had to leave and head the opposite direction.
jennysuffern | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Not Doing Her Job
The nanny was hired to take care of the child. She was failing to do her job. Miriam watched to see, obviously hopeful, that the nanny would get back to her job. When she didn’t she knew she had to do something. As someone else stated, it’s never wrong to protect a child. And I like the idea of I Saw Your Nanny. I bet there are spouses out there that would like I Saw Your Spouse, or how about I Saw Your Teenager?
If I was the mother of that child I would be glad that someone intervened on my baby’s behalf.
Kimberly Purcell | 1 year, 11 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
< 1 2 3 4 > Last » (10 pages)