Posted on April 8, 2008 by Kathy McManus in Internet, Parenting Comments (47)
The Nanny Diaries
On a hot afternoon in New York City, my friend Miriam was sitting at a grassy public venue, watching her child play alongside other kids in the care of various moms and nannies.
A long-time New York resident, Miriam is fully aware of the city’s urban imperative: mind your own business.
But she couldn’t help but notice the crying of a nearby baby, approximately nine months old, strapped in his stroller facing the sun, while his nanny ignored him and chatted with another nanny.
The minutes passed…5…10…15…the baby’s skin got redder, the crying persisted, and the nanny’s only response was to periodically bark, “Shh! Be quiet!” while brusquely shaking the baby’s stroller.
And that is when Miriam decided she had to do something: she had to stop minding her own business.
In New York, where the number of scary nanny stories surpasses the number of scary subway stories, an increasing number of citizens are posting reports about bad nanny behavior on a blog called I Saw Your Nanny.
The posts—complete with date, time, location, physical descriptions of nanny and child, and sometimes a cell phone photo—will stop the heart of any parent who recognizes his or her nanny or child: I saw your nanny …grabbing your boy by the ear and twisting him…mistreating and roughly handling your 3-5 year old girl…fell asleep right on the bench where she was sitting with her back to your son.
Launched in August 2006, the blog has sparked a debate about the obligations—and limits—of personal responsibility. Critics contend that it’s potentially libelous for strangers to publicly attack a nanny’s professional performance.
But that didn’t stop Miriam from confronting the nanny about the neglected baby. “She told me to mind my own business. Then she started yanking the baby in the stroller. That’s when I told her I was calling 911.”
Aware that NYPD was on its way, the nanny bolted to leave the location, still yelling, “Mind your own business!” Miriam ran ahead of the woman and snapped her picture with her cell phone. But by the time the police arrived, the nanny was gone.
Tell us what you think: When is it right to stop minding your own business and start minding someone else’s? How far would you go in reporting disturbing behavior by a nanny or anyone else?
Comments (47)
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Communicate, don't Confront
Upon seeing the child in distress Miriam should have walked over in 2 minutes, not 15, and started a conversation with the nanny in a non threatening manner. You said she “confronted” the nanny. Confrontation brings on a defense reaction. A suggested opening: “Hi, may I talk to him? I remember when my baby was this age and got fussy in the sun. The sun doesn’t bother me so I didn’t figure it out. It’s so hard to take care of all their needs isn’t it – someone helped me out by telling me that 5 minutes in the shade will stop the crying. I don’t want you to have to go through what I did so I’m passing this info on. Hey, look he’s quiet now – you must be a really good nanny.”
We all need help sometimes.
Thanks for your comment; Maybe the nanny was a little less knowledgeable and needed help understanding that babies are people too. I know that with my first son, (now I have 3 boys) I had to cultivate the ability to think about the Golden Rule and wonder what it’s like to be him so I could be a better mom. It takes time and experience to be unselfish enough to nurture another human being whether you’re a mommy like me, who works on weekends while daddy is home with the kids, or a caregiver.
You catch more flies with honey
I was going to say exactly the same thing. When we confront someone; we challenge the person’s intellect. However, if she had simply walked over and started a quick conversation while getting the baby out of the sun, which was the main goal, she would’ve gotten a lot further with her.
Remember the old saying: “you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”? All she had to do was be polite and considerate of the other woman while accomplishing her main goal. The objective would be the same but the outcome would be different. Thank God for southern hospitality!
ANY LENGTH
If I were to see a child being mistreated by anyone,including a parent,I would definitely report it to the appropriate authorities.Of course this would not include a little smack on the butt type of thing.In the case of the nanny in the park, I would have followed her and found out who the parents were and notified them about the incident.
find the parents no matter what you have to do
Terrence,
That isn’t always possible. I have been there and done that. With my own child. Yes, if you can find the parents on your own, do it. I had a friend leave a note with the doorman for the parents when she was able to follow a nanny home. Me, I had to take my own child to a pediatrician, so after an hour following the nanny, during which time, she also went to a Mandies clothing store and parked the child against a wall, I had to leave and head the opposite direction.
nanny diaries
it is always right to protect children. it is always right to err on the side of caution. if there’s nothing to worry about, no need for defensiveness. Hillary Clinton said it best “it takes a village…”. Gail
Do SOMEthing
I probably would have turned the child around myself so the light wasn’t in his face. I’m a go-getter myself. But Miriam was definitely in the right. When there is a child’s needs on the line… especially one so young. Babies can’t tell us what’s wrong, they can’t change their own positions, they can’t defend themselves in any way. It is up to the adults in their lives, and those around these children, to do something for them.
RIGHT ON Miriam!!
Reciprocity
Wouldn’t you appreciate it if you were helpless and being mistreated and somebody stepped in on your behalf? Prior to Americans getting more involved in each other’s lives, women were raped and beaten by their own husbands to an even greater extent than today; children were abused and neglected by their families at alarming rates (when is the last time you saw a kid with rickets at the playground?).
There is a thing called social pressure. Peer pressure. External social control. All societies have it. Churches have it. Even the counterculture has it. We decide that we like to see clean, healthy, well-dressed children. Families who cannot live up to these standards are not welcomed into the fold of the majority, who do. If we were to go back to facing forward and ignoring the plight of others, we would not be doing society any kind of service.
Hindsight is 20/20
We all have excellent hindsight. The truth has been exposed in shows on Dateline and 20/20 called, “What would you do”. The reality is that the majority of people will not and do not intervene. This is not to say that five minutes later, they don’t regret their lack of action. For this reason, I think the I Saw Your Nanny blog is a brilliant idea. The other reason is sometimes people don’t want to be the messenger. Ever hear the thing, “don’t shoot the messenger”. I had a nanny in my building who yelled all of the time at the 6 year old. I didn’t know enough about the parents to know if they would care, so I sent them a letter regarding their nanny’s behavior (Obviously because I lived in the building, I had their address). Two days later, five days later, 3 weeks later, the nanny was still there. There are a lot of parents who employ bad nannies and don’t care and don’t want to deal with it. I am glad I did not risk the comfort of my living environment to go face to face with one of them.
Responsibility is the Parents!
I would have to agree mostly with “Communicate don’t confront”, as soon as you confront someone, especially in a finger-pointing, tongue lashing type attitude, it doesn’t matter to the other person that they are doing something not acceptable, you see most people when confronted this way will automatically shut you off. Meaning they will refuse to listen to reason, they become emotionally charged and you can forget about introducing reason to a person once this has happened. It’s a human preservation mode.
Second, most women will hate me for this but since this website is called, “The Responsibility Project” I feel I need to bring something up that no one will talk about.
Why are “Nannies” raising other “Families” children? Since the mother carried and gave birth to their children, doesn’t it make sense that they should take “Responsibility” of their children? Meaning, THEY should be caring for their children not a stranger! I think that it’s very selfish of these parents to not work hard like the rest of us have to when it comes to child rearing, and let’s not forget this type of “neglect” breaks down the family center, making the glue weak and susceptible to callous behavior. Yes it’s hard to rear children, we’ve been doing it without “nannies” for centuries. Mothers if they are not single of course, need to take the time and stay at home with their children, teach them to be “Responsible” adults. And no, staying at home isn’t something to look down on, it takes more patience, and bravery to take on a full time motherly role. Good luck to everyone!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU, Kina for saying what I’m thinking.
Parents responsibility
No problem Terrance, I figure someone’s got to say it.
not my definition of responsibility
Yes, parents need to be responsible for raising their children — teaching them values and such. But some mohers work because they are single, and some work because their husbands don’t make enough to support the family. And others, like myself, work because they enjoy working and find fulfillment in contributing the community, as well as the family finances.
I think I am just as responsible as you are — I chose a nanny with my same values, and I teach my child and do his homework with him and show him that women don’t have to be hidden away in the home. I am the one who tucks him into his bed at night and prepares his meals (the nanny just heats them up), and I take him on trips to the zoo and amusement parks and teach him to ride his bike.
Not all women are the same. It’s irresponsible to expect all women to find completion in the home — to have little life outside of their family. For some women, this leads to depression. It’s just another form of oppression. Women should do what comes best to them. In our family, I work because that is what keeps me happiest and allows me to take the best care of my children. Plus, I provided a job to a single mother who really loves children and finds fulfillment in drilling ABC’s for eight hours a day. lol…
Parents responsibility
Well Dani if you look back at my post I did make the comment that unless you are single there is no reason why one can’t be raising your own children.
Second I do contribute to my community, just because my family chose to for me to stay home with my children doesn’t mean that me or others like me DON’T contribute to our community’s. In fact I work at home, I have my own business so I can help my family and still contribute to my community.
Third I don’t hole myself up in my home, I believe in excersize to be healthy along with socializing in group settings. I take classes at night and my child and I have daily play dates.
Fourth throw out all the stuff you learned about women’s oppression. It has done a lot for us in the past when it first started but now it’s all about breaking down the family, looking down on women who are SAHM. My children are going to be every bit social, intelligent,creative,wise and will be able to function in this society just like everyone else hopefully better. No one ever thinks about those famous people who were home schooled or had the mother stay home with them, for example Sandra Day O’Connor our female associate justice of our supreme court was taught at home by her mother, later lived with grandmother and attended all girls school and then went onto college. I applaud her mother and grandmother who were brave to do this for her. Abraham Lincoln was taught at home by his mother, he self-taught himself Law and became very good and eventually became our 16th president. So you can say what you want bottom line if a parent can do it then do it, raise your children don’t abandon them to someone else. It just makes sense to me.
Indeed
I am a stay-home mom. I left a blooming career to take care of my daughter and my family, and it was a decision made out of recognition that vows and parenthood demand sacrifice and personal humility to be done correctly. It’s not about me. What IS about me is the volunteer work, hobby pastimes, and from-home continuing education I pursue. I am hardly a shut-in with an apron over my clothes and dark circles under my eyes as I scrub and iron under the oppression of a family that doesn’t appreciate me. Seriously…that’s what women who choose work over their responsibilities to the family seem to think of when they picture staying home. The image they paint if a SAHM’s life stops just short of shackles and illiteracy. I don’t “drill ABC’s” or anything else all day. I play with my child. I teach her. I cook with her. I read with her. I study my own interests while she naps or does her own thing. I contribute through volunteer work, and I maintain friendships and a social life. I’m not to be applauded. What I’m doing is to be expected. It’s what moms are for. It’s what a mother is supposed to do. If you don’t want to be the one raising your kids…then please explain to me why on earth you would choose to have any.
Indeed
Exactly Amy, I don’t think people realize in the 50’s SAHM all they did DO was clean, they sent their children off to school and they WERE oppressed to stay at home and be maids, these days, SAHM has a different meaning. Most homeschool and are involved constantly in their children’s lives, in fact I do basic cleaning and my husband doesn’t care all he cares about is if his children and wife are happy and his children are learning to be capable children/Adults.
teasing
I was teasing when I said that Nikki drills ABC’s all day. I really, really was. I realize that she does much more than that. I KNOW. It really amazes me all that she does with my boys — things I could never do. She has the patience of Job, and really challenges the boys to be better people. I’m amazed every day at the things she does with my boys. I don’t have half her creativity or knowledge about kids. I want you guys to know that I was NOT trying to diminish what SAHMs do.
I actually didn’t choose to have my boys. They were all surprises (even while I was on BC). But I decided to keep them because their father and I love them. I can give them a good life. I teach them, read to them, play with them, cook with them. But I have to admit — I like working. When I was a SAHM, I wound up clinically depressed. Not just because of staying home. But it contributed. So I did what was best for my boys and got someone who can do things like salt dough crafts (which I had no idea how to do before Nikki showed me). My boys have learned more and met more people with Nikki than they ever did with me. And I am able to carry on what she starts.
It's not the same
If you feel that caring for children is oppressive…then don’t have them. It most certainly is NOT the same or equally responsible of you to have a nanny raising your kids…and you know that, which is why you got defensive and started throwing “oppression” and “little life outside the family” in. Children are not an accessory to “complete” their parents’ happy adult picture. There is NOTHING wrong with being a career woman and finding your fulfillment in your accomplishments outside the home. Nothing at all. There IS a problem with abdicating your responsibility as a parent for your own fulfillment. 6 years at home and another 12 being there when your kids are home from school is the job description. If you don’t want to do that job…don’t apply.
Vicious Responses
Mothers are not enemies because of choices made and these “I know better than you, this is your job description, so do as I do” are not helpful dialogs. Women should advocate for each other and respect the choices made. I’ve done both: I put myself through BA and grad degree with 2 kids as a single, divorced mom. I had to work lots of jobs. No nannies, no child support. It was a struggle. My 39 yr old recently thanked me for his happy childhood. I said, “Happy? It was tough, we were poor and I was always busy.” He said, “you never complained. We were happy.” When I married again, there was a 3rd child. I was now 38 and could be a stay at home mom. I loved every minute, it was an amazing adventure. But it ended in divorce and because I had been out of the work force I was financially marginalized even with all my degrees. Women do not have easy choices, you may not think of divorce, but now I work with divorcing women who have gone from 2 or 3 homes to an apt because they left the job market. Having a career and money of your own can be very important. Optimize the choice you make, and make friends with the working mom, the stay at home – we’re all moms and we need each other. One day a SAH may want to return to work and the manager you befriended may want to change jobs and hey – networking works! I can’t believe 28 years since grad school and this fight is still going on. Its time for a change.
Life is difficult . . .
with or without children. As a man with two children and a highly successful working wife, I agree completely with Ann. My 3-yr-old daughter says she wants to be a Supreme Court Justice (OK, probably because of my love of the court and our justice system) and a mom. She should be able to be both just as my son should be able to have a full-time career and be a dad. It is unfair for either SAHMs or WMs (working moms) to frame the discussion with a dichotomy that is freedom v. oppression OR good parenting v. neglect.
We have much too learn from other countries and history where families are more involved due to several generations living together (I also think this will soon be identified as an important issue due to its impact on our carbon footprint, but that is another discussion).
This post is about taking responsibility as a member of a community. It should not have become about why some women make the “wrong” choice. Life is difficult and choices always have downsides. We should do what is in our power to help both SAHMs and WMs face fewer downsides.
See...that's not the point
It’s not about helping the mothers. It’s about what is good for the kids. People have completely lost sight of the fact that parental responsibility isn’t about the PARENTS and their choices/desires/dreams. It’s about raising the kids in an environment best suited to them. Staying at home does not preclude making your own money and pursuing your own dreams. It simply changes the field of choices you have during those first few developmental years. I still contend that this entire “debate” is about selfishness and materialism. It has everything to do with women, mothers, fathers, and their financial/personal desires…but all it SHOULD be about is the children and the fact that people don’t seem to think they need to be raised by parents anymore. It doesn’t take a village. It takes responsible parents. Hiring a nanny to do the “job” who has good enough references, the right value system, and the requisite first aid skills has never, does not, and never will be a substitute for the security of a caring home with a mother and father who are there to parent. It preserves the mother’s freedom and the father’s ability to live in a two-income situation, but it doesn’t serve anyone else. You can talk about what women deserve all you like, but this is supposed to be about what the kids deserve and are not getting.
Fiscal responsibility
Making money is critical to raising a family, it doesn’t represent greed. In many parts of this country it is impossible to be fiscally responsible without 2 incomes. I am a big believer in birth control, abortion and limiting the size of one’s family for environmental reasons as well as others. The world cannot take so many people as some families go on making. However even one child is expensive, especially with college costing $50K a year. Many parents can’t afford rent or a mortgage and saving for college without working. Greed does not drive most working mothers. I highly recommend Montessori schools over nannies and wish more parents had this available for them. However, nannies and schools are not substitutes for mothering. To define them as such is creating a narrative that doesn’t exist. They aid, assist, and enrich the parenting process. Not all nannies are good, and neither are all stay at home parents. Some are thoughtless and cruel and shove kids in front of TV. Good parenting is not defined by where a parent spends their time. There is no logic in this discussion when people define good mothering by place.
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Finally someone sees the bigger picture, and I thought most people were too short-sighted to figure out it’s about the children, you’ve proved to me that not everyone is selfish.
Being a parent is hard work and if you can financially be a SAHM or SAHD then just do it. We need better future leaders for America. Thank you Amy.
Misunderstood
I think I’ve been slightly misunderstood…
I wasn’t saying that caring for children is oppressive. I was saying that forcing a women to stay home when that is not best for her or her family is oppressive.
I have tried to stay home with my boys — none of us were as happy as when I work. Like I said, it contributed greatly to depression — and depressed mommies have a tough time doing what’s best for their babies (kids in general).
Just because I CAN stay home doesn’t mean I should. What’s healthiest for my kids is that they have a caring person there to help them, that they know mommy loves them and will always be there if they need her, and that they have a happy childhood. When I am depressed, my kids are not happy. It’s just that way — I’m incapable of caring for my children when I’m depressed. I mean, seriously depressed. Not just a little sad or tired. Clinically depressed.
So sure… I could stay home. But it’s not always the best thing for the kids. That’s what I was trying to say.
You are absolutely right!
I commend you for your opinions and I agree wholeheartedly. Why bother to have children if you don’t intend to raise them yourself. There is a thing called birth control.
Intervene by being Helpful...not Hurtful
No one can stop all these self-centered brats who choose to have children to “complete” themselves from giving birth and then outsourcing for someone else to parent them. Since that is the case, if you REALLY want to help a child, in a case like the example here, the correct method is not to start by getting in the woman’s face and accusing her of being horrid. Look, I have a child. Some days, I’m a Stepford Mom, and some days, my nerves are worn a little thin. This woman could have been dealing with colic all morning and…being frustrated…not realized that the child was crying about something tangible this time. We don’t KNOW that’s not the case, and so it’s wrong and—I think—horrendously arrogant to approach her without giving benefit of doubt. Saying with a smaile, “Excuse me, Ma’am, but I think she’s crying because the sun is in her face,” and then gently pulling the visor on the stroller down to shield the baby is a MUCH better way to deal with that situation than accusing the woman of criminal neglect, calling 911, and making a scene. It’s also more EFFECTIVE in helping the child.
People deserve benefit of doubt…especially those caring for small kids.
Not Doing Her Job
The nanny was hired to take care of the child. She was failing to do her job. Miriam watched to see, obviously hopeful, that the nanny would get back to her job. When she didn’t she knew she had to do something. As someone else stated, it’s never wrong to protect a child. And I like the idea of I Saw Your Nanny. I bet there are spouses out there that would like I Saw Your Spouse, or how about I Saw Your Teenager?
If I was the mother of that child I would be glad that someone intervened on my baby’s behalf.
People are horrible!
That this poor baby was in plain sight and just in the sun is horrible. This woman is paid to take care of this child, and she is visiting and completely neglecting this baby. Shame on her! Good for the woman who intervened and made this nanny pay for what she did!
Caregiving Is HARD work.
Caregiving is hard work. Seriously. You’d be surprised at the number of people that think that teaching a kid to not eat things off of the ground, to walk, to talk, to use the toilet, to read and to self-soothe is easy. It’s not. It’s hours on end of missed heartbeats because even though you thought the floor was clean, the little nipper managed to find and swallow THE ONE THING you couldn’t see on the floor. It’s not easy. It’s your heart jumping in your throat every time that precious little baby stumbles to the floor while trying to walk on his/her own for the first time. Knowing that the floor is soft has never made it any easier for me. It’s not easy. It’s frustration raising like bile at the back of the throat because kiddo will say “Dada” over and over but his/her version of “Mama” sounds like “Guy-ng guy-ng”. It’s not easy. It’s wanting to cry after the kid has had their third diaper blow-out in a ROW and there are no outfits clean enough to clothe him/her. It’s not easy. It’s the aggravation of trying to read the child a book while struggling to keep them from turning the page. It’s not easy. It’s the minutes that feel like hours as you listen to a kid scream when it’s time to go to bed. It’s not easy. It can wear on the nerves. While I don’t condone that nanny’s actions, it’s definitely possible that Miriam caught that nanny on a bad day. Granted, someone DEFINITELY should have stepped up on behalf of that baby, I definitely feel that opening a dialogue would have been preferable to confronting the nanny in such a way that it ticked her off to the point that she started yanking the baby around. Who knows how that baby was treated after the nanny’s encounter w/Miriam?
Hard....but impossible?
I have three kids. Don’t tell me how hard it is to raise kids. There is no excuse for neglecting a child. We are the voices for children. They can’t say hey, you’re too rough, or maybe, I’m in the sun please think of me too (instead of talking and ignoring me). If I pay someone to care for my child, I expect them to do their job.
I Never Said That It Is Impossible
First of all, I don’t know you in real life, so I’m somewhat skeptical when you say that you have three children. It’s all too easy for a person to claim something over the internet that just isn’t true.
That said, I agree that a caregiver or a parent is supposed to be a voice for a child that can’t speak for themselves. However, caregiver burnout is a very real condition. (You can google it). It’s due to caregiver burnout that respite caregivers were created. A responsible parent/child looks for caregiver burnout in their child/adult dependent caregiver. A caring spouse looks for caregiver burnout in their husband/wife. A caregiver that is suffering from burnout is not going to be as responsive to a child’s needs as a caregiver that has the proper amount of rest and social interaction within their peer group.
Skeptical
You’re right. I do, however, have three kids…my daughter, Sophia, was born 8-5-96 (and although married, my husband helped very little, I was 18-so I know what burnout is from that experience) my son, Elijah, was born 1-23-02 (with one lung, a congenital birth defect with no known cause-I went through almost losing him in a surgery that was done while he had viral pneumonia at six months old. Talk about burnout-try being at your maybe dying infant son’s side every waking moment while taking care of your five year old daughters needs. I pray nobody else has to go through what I did those months) and my last child, Nathan-is six months old, born 10-16-07.
I do know what burnout is-because I’ve been there, and have been through worse as a parent than simple “burnout”. I am the traditional parent who stays home and does the lion’s share of child care, and always have been. I do get burned out-as to date, I have not had an outing with anyone-husband or girlfriends or alone-since my son, Nathan, was born. I understand this nanny being burned out-after all, I’ve been the wife isolated at home and burned out from listening to kids shows on TV all day everyday for twelve years in august. I am simply saying that we are the ones who have to speak up and protect our most precious national resource-our children, the future of this nation and world.
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Congrats on being the traditional parent Celeste. Though all the caregiver had to do was pay attention to the child’s needs very simple to decode the crying when the sun is shinning in your face, sometimes I’d like to cry when the sun is in my eyes. Anyhow keep up the good work in your parenting endeavor. Just remember to take time out for yourself and remind your husband you NEED at break.
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Thanks for saying congrats..you’d be surprised at how people think you are living the life of luxury, and you DON’T work. It’s hard work to do all that needs to be done for everyone, all of the time.
I am, however, going out sometime this month with my best friend. I have waited long enough! I might, however have to take the baby. He’s breastfed, and won’t do the bottle. But, it will be nice to talk to another adult! And you’re right. I believe too, that this nanny could have realized that the baby simply needed to be moved out of the sun. Simple to do. I am happy someone stepped up.
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Awww..no problem and no kidding I get the whole “you are being suppressed by your husband finger wagging” The difference between yesterday’s SAHM and today’s is yesterday the mom’s didn’t home school. All they did was send the kids off to school and clean, cook and other stuff I’m sure, and if the wife wanted to work, she was made to feel guilty for wanting that. That in my opinion is oppressive. If you can financially do it, then be a SAHM, if not, well we do the best we can in between. Have fun with your friend.
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There is no excuse for child abuse and neglect. Never.
Nobody can replace a loving mother.
This only proves to me I was right all those years not using a nanny, babysitter, or daycare. Nobody will take care of your kids as well as you do-their mother.
I salute this woman... and seriously disagree with
It never ceases to amaze me. There is always someone in the crowd who is going to critique the woman who tried to stop the baby baking in the sun and excuse the nanny doing it.
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We also need to consider Justin that this article was written from one person’s point of view and she got her information from another person. Perception is a very tricky thing we need to learn to remove ourselves from the emotions and think of the other possibilities.
I disagree.
I would agree if we were trying this case or getting to the bottom of something. But what I was referring to is the inclination on the part of certain people to take the facts as presented at face value and infer responsibility to certain parties based upon that. The first comment was saying what the person intervening ‘should’ have done. This wasn’t questioning any particulars. It was attacking a Samaritan. Frankly, what I am saying is I am more willing to offer the benefit of the doubt to the person acting on behalf of another than the person indicating negligence. Further, I think the stance taken (by them, not you) speaks more of their own views on responsibility than the case at hand. Frankly, that someone should have to carefully and gently say “You’re hurting that baby” in an inoffensive way to be rather ludicrous.
Really?
You don’t think that gently stepping in to make sure that the kid is removed from the sun and the nanny is informed in a way that she will receive…is preferable to making a scene that will humiliate a complete stranger who WILL get defensive and turn off to anything you have to say? I’m sorry, Justin, but if you do it my way, the kid gets protected from the sun and his irresponsible caregiver is not provoked to retaliate against the child. Your way…you get to feel like a righteous hero, but you’ve further endangered the baby, who is still in the care of the irresponsible nanny…who you have now enraged. I completely disagree with you, and my solution to the problem had nothing to do with insulting a Samaritan; it had to do with entering a situation that you don’t know everything about with caution and respect for all parties involved. Flying off in a righteous hero-frenzy without all the facts is never the best response, even if it comes from the best intentions.
What?
I actually thought the initial described approach of the Samaritan detailed in the article was fairly mature and responsible, but you’re right. My mistake: expecting maturity or concern for this woman’s ward before the conversation she was having was most unfair of me. Yes. You’re right. I was clearly mistaken. How can we compare something trivial such as a baby’s safety or well being to this nanny’s feelings or yours? I must’ve gotten caught up in hero frenzy. Maybe we should educate the public more on this, now that you’ve set me straight. After all, we can’t have people bothering nanny’s with improper communication just to save a paltry baby or two. Thank you, again.
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Good point Amy pretty much what I wanted to say in my previous post but alas I was tired. I try very hard to not fly off the handle when it comes to situations like this article. It’s always best to approach the person in a non-threatening manner. I’m sure if the person that approached the nanny started out positively maybe the nanny would have been more inclined to listen. That’s how I operate anyhow. I don’t know how other people respond, but if someone came up to me like the good Samaritan did, I may not respond so nicely back.
Second, we need to look at how the article is specifically laid out. It’s meant for us to respond to how the author and her friend perceived the situation. How does the author know that maybe the nanny started out having the stroller not facing the sun and over the course of minutes, the sun constantly moved across the horizon. I’m not siding with the nanny; she should of checked to see why the child was crying. My point is the article was written to give us a certain mental picture. Since it was her friend that saw what happened, it is natural for someone to give facts that she perceives and not the whole picture, just part of it. Happens all the time, in the news, in schools…our perceptions are one sided.
What took you so long?
I feel that it is always your responsibility to do something in the case of children. Children cant step up and say STOP or tell you that they need help, it is not in their characters to do so. So when you see a child being mistreated you need to stop taking the easy way out and say something. If someone were treating my children improperly, I would hope that someone would help them. I am never one to mind my business when in that situation. I don’t care if it is their Mom or their Nanny. I agree you have to know what behavior is actually hurting the child and what behavior is acceptable discipline, but for Gad sakes a burning 9 month old child….If the ones who can say something don’t, then who will?
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Oh yes I agree we should always be responsible when it comes to children, however we should step outside the situation and look at it for what is really going on and then make your move, hopefully in a mature manner. If that doesn’t work yes calling 911 and getting a picture may help. I’m curious though if there were any other witnesses, I would like to find out what they observed.
oooooook lol
Y’all are taking a billion tangents on the subject. There is no need to attack each other over parenting styles just as ANN has previously stated, because every child and every home will be different.
To answer the original question, I would intervene on a child’s behalf in a diplomatic and efficient way, especially considering I’m by no means a confrontational woman. I live in the South and it is VERY common practice to mind other people’s business when it comes to children. If my son is in distress and he’s not in my presence then I expect whoever he is around to address his issues. I’m very quick to quiet a crying child, regardless of who they’re are with, simply because a quiet child relieves EVERYONE. My motives aren’t always altruistic but I do my best at tear intervention.
Not wanting people to help with the job of parenting is our society’s problem now. Too many people have the mentality that “It’s not MY kid so it’s not MY problem”. So many people get their nose in a cloud when it comes to receiving help because whether parents acknowledge it or not, we ALL need help with our kids, regardless of how great we think we and our methods are.
So you can choose to be super mom and that’s all good and dandy. But for the ones who can’t pull that off, for whatever reason, by all means feel free to utilize the “village” that surrounds our families for support. Either way, it all shapes our children…our future. If you see a child in need, then help out by any means necessary.
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Agreed Mia, though the tangent thing doesn’t bother me, I find the more I learn the better. I can handle the changes in topics and I still think the article was written one-sided.