Should You Drink With Your Kids?
Parents are frequently encouraged to share more activities with their kids. But should drinking alcohol together be one of them?
“I was 14 the first time I got falling down drunk”, Time Magazine reporter John Cloud admits in a recent article examining underage drinking. Back then, Cloud says, such antics were viewed as a “right of passage.” Today, however, an increase in the number of young hard-core drinkers has heightened concern. So is it time for parents to take a different approach toward kids and alcohol?
“At first it sounds a little nutty,” Cloud says, “but you might consider drinking with your kids.”
Drinking with your kids at home, Cloud writes—which he cautions is not the same as buying them alcohol for a party—is “a good way to teach responsible drinking behavior.”
The idea is to present alcohol not as an “alluring risk,” but as part of ordinary family life.
Addiction expert and psychologist Stanton Peele says he started giving his daughter “a few sips” of alcohol as a child at family meals. The key, Peele says, is not to make “a big deal about it.” When the girl turned 16, she was allowed to have a full glass of whatever the adults were drinking. “A second glass probably doesn’t make sense,” Peele explained, “but making hard-and-fast rules creates the sense that alcohol is some magical potion.”
But for many families, “demystifying” alcohol by consuming it with their teenagers may produce a parenting hang-over. And there is additional concern that alcohol could hurt teens’ developing brains.
Tell us what you think: Can parents teach responsibility by drinking with their kids?
Add Comment Share This
Comments
Ravenna
The National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984 states that revenue will be withheld from states that allow the purchase of alcohol by anyone under the age of 21. Some states do not allow those under the legal drinking age to be present in liquor stores or in bars (usually, the difference between a bar and a restaurant is whether food is being served). Contrary to popular belief, since the National Minimum Drinking Age Act of 1984, few states specifically prohibit minors’ and young adults’ consumption of alcohol in private settings. As of January 1, 2007, 14 states and the District of Columbia ban underage consumption outright, 19 states do not specifically ban underage consumption, and an additional 27 states have family member and/or location exceptions to their underage consumption laws.
Federal law explicitly provides for religious, medical, employment and private club possession exceptions; as of 2005, 31 states have family member and/or location exceptions to their underage possession laws.
Underage purchase of alcohol, though illegal in all fifty states, is not a felony, but a misdemeanor. See underage drinking in the United States.
Raymond Kelly McElhiney II | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Yes, I remember
The feds changed the drinking age—as well as the voting age—to 18 because they were drafting 18-year-olds to go to war. You could fight and die, drive a car, but not drink or vote. It was ridiculous. They changed it back to age 21 to make all states consistent, so that teens would not cross state borders to drink. Better to have made them all 18, in my humble opinion.
Although I consider myself a liberal, which too many means in favor of big government and laws “for your own good”, I note the similar root of “liberal”, “liberty”, and “libertarian”. There are areas in which the government has little, if any, business in intruding: those dealing with strictly private matters, such as what one does in one’s own home or with one’s own body.
Sally G | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
What are stats on European disease?
I don’t think that Europeans have a higher rate of kidney or liver disease that can be traced to alcohol in teen years, but I haven’t researched it. Has anyone else? If, as I believe, it is not a problem in Europe, then it probably wouldn’t be here in the U.S.A. Again, I haven’t looked into any scientific studies, if there are any, but would appreciate from hearing from anyone who has.
Sally G | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Couldn't have put it better.
That says it all.
Sally G | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
My own experience
My father is an extremist Christian and outlawed any drinking by kids what so ever. This attitude made drinking something that “grown ups” do and every kid I knew wanted to be grown up. My mom couldn’t care less and while living with her I found my self at 15 choosing a Coke over a beer because it just sounded better at that particular time.
I don’t really know what is best for every child, only what would work for kids with my personality type. My personal opinion though is that if you’re old enough to decide to join the military and risk your life defending the constitution, you should be able to have a beer, at the absolute minimum, at the base enlisted bar, if not elsewhere. Another thing is, I don’t think the nanny-state will keep people from becoming alcoholics if they are determined to be.
Dean Harris | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Additional thought on using alcohol
American society maintains a belief that children will grow up and behave responsibly irrespective of what they are exposed to during their formative, developmental years. Society does not expressly make this claim but our policies and our collective actions negate anything we might say to the contrary. We expect children will become responsible parents and citizens, use alcohol, motor vehicles, and guns responsibly, and, vote rationally and intelligently. Yet, honestly, what does our society (and culture) proactively do to ensure that children grow into socially responsible adults?
When children and young adults misbehave, society is ready and willing to throw them in jail or ostracize them in some other way for antisocial behavior. Children mimic the adult world but they often act contrary to the manner adults wish them to…a contradiction for sure. Raising children therefore isn’t easy and sadly most people are unprepared for the job by temperament and experience. My heart goes out to any single mother because bearing all of the burdens of child rearing must be a heavy and terrible weight (not without its rewards but still a tremendously difficult task).
If we wish children to grow into responsible adults then we ought to consider developing laws that reflect life’s realities and human nature not what society thinks they ought to be. Our drug, alcohol, and tobacco laws are teleological in nature and hence patently unworkable, and, therefore, they should be rewritten to reflect what is. At the very least, these laws ought to reflect consistency…today, a person may smoke when they’re 18 but not drink…why is that? The same person may drive a car, buy a rifle or shotgun, or enlist in the military yet be denied a drink….because he’s “underage?” We have no problem sending an 18 year old boy to fight and perhaps die but we have the termerity to tell the same boy he isn’t responsible enough to have a drink? We wouldn’t have a drinking problem if American society accepted the reality that our kids will follow the general path we lay out for them. If we wish them to drink responsibly then we should begin teaching them how to do it when they are impressionable and willing to listen not attempt to force an unworkable hope down their throats when they reach a rebellious age (and lock them up when they don’t obey society’s arbitrary dictums). Beyond basic academic education, it isn’t society’s job to teach children how to do drink or behave in a socially acceptable fashion; traditionally, that’s the roll of parents.
From what I have seen, parents haven’t been fulfilling their job for quite some time but I don’t blame parents entirely for this breakdown. Society hasn’t troubled itself to support parents in any meaningful way for perhaps 30 years; yet, it makes considerable demands on parents, including de facto requiring families to have two working adults to stay above the national poverty level; society rarely bothers to concern itself whether its demands are reasonable or even achievable. Government passes laws, our leaders thump their chests over how responsible society has become under their tutelage, and then they point a finger when public policy fails to work. Failure is blamed on the influence of Hollywood and/or television, the education system (i.e., teacher’s unions&), homosexuals, women’s liberation, liberal social values…whatever. Rarely is public policy reconsidered as a cause for failure and it is almost never faulted for being poorly conceived or simply wrong-headed.
As far as I can tell, the last time this county formally reconsidered a social agenda was the repeal of the Volstead Act and Prohibition. The alcohol, drug, and tobacco problems we have today are partly caused by poor parental example but the greatest impediment to improving what many perceive as socially irresponsible behavior is failed public policy and our political leadership’s unwilling to accept that it has in fact failed miserably. Nothing in this country will change until we own up to these failures and find a different path to follow.
Roger H. Werner | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Society, Alcohol, and Drugs
Very little consideration is given to the teens, especially those disadvantaged are who are arrested on minor drug charges once and are sent to jail, where they of necessity socialize with serious adult criminals, and then are released with a criminal record. Thus they are virtually unable to find a legitimate job. One wrong decision, or being at the wrong place at the wrong time, has had an out-of-proportion effect on their entire future, as they seem to have no option but crime. The new Mayor of Newark, New Jersey, a relatively young political activist named Corey Booker, has been working for a solution to that problem, advocating for difficult, disciplined rehab alternatives to jail time for these individuals, working with local corporations to hire these young men and women. There are a number of companies who have signed on, and time will tell how well this works, but I applaud his efforts, and hope they succeed and will be copied in other areas. (I saw Mr. Booker interviewed on Caucus NJ on PBS). As it appears we cannot rely on our federal government to create this type of programs (as it seems we cannot rely on them to make the environmentally responsible decisions), we must rely on local and state governments (notably California on the environment) to lead the way.
Sally G | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Thinking for one's self
All people and that includes mature children should be taught to deal with situations according to conscience. Granted, society passes laws but can you or anyone honestly claim that all such laws are reasonable, fair, or even Constitutional? Our government is torturing people in our name, which is patently illegal but they do it any way. Any law that is unreasonable can and should be ignored. Black people didn’t gain their civil rights because whites willing granted them. They began by refusing to sit in the back of the bus and by demanding equality in the face of official racism. White people of conscience joined in the struggle and the civil rights movement was born. Roe v Wade and the environmental movement didn’t begin with our political leaders either. Politicians are always behind the curve and they respond to public pressure for change. I believe in selective non-violent disobedience to stupid and silly laws that do more harm then good and I have always encouraged my children not to be afraid to stand up for what they believe in. And I agree completely that parents should begin teaching their children socially responsible behavior when they are quite young. Any parent who believes they can do nothing for 18 years and then expect their children to know proper behavior is delusional.
Roger H. Werner | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Freedom and drugs
Alcohol is a drug, one of the worse. It is also part of Americana. Just like freedom of choice. I think each person must try to manage drinking. Who better to introduce and share the experience, but family? But let the dice roll.
Bill Duckworth | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
The Status Quo is not working
Under the status quo, the US is one of the few countries that have a drinking age of 21, and the rationale behind such a movie is that the higher the age limit, the people who are less mature stay away from alcoholic beverages and we have a safer community.
Unfortunately this is simply not the case. Even with several government education programs, many kids often go through underage drinking, and some even start binge drinking before the age of 21, which is extremely unhealthy, and can lead to aggressive behavior that can hurt other innocent people.
Why is this? Naturally because the US goes for abstinence rather than experience and awareness, for students and teenagers in general, drinking is often considered an extremely ‘cool’ activity, which has created a situation where a lot of high school parties and such often involve alcohol. It is the student’s perspective of alcohol that I believe is the true cause of underage drinking.
This is why I believe that parents should indeed drink with their kids. Now, I am not suggesting that all parents should take their children with them the next time they go to a bar, but I believe that parents should be allowed to choose how they would educate their children. By allow parents to introduce their children to alcohol in a controlled environment, it is inevitable that there will be a change in the way that teenagers view drinking, which means that during their high school and college years, drinking won’t necessarily be considered that big of a deal.
Karl Shrugged | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
< 1 2 3 4 5 > Last » (15 pages)