It's still illegal to drink with a minor

It’s still illegal to drink with a minor. I don’t care what you are trying to teach them. Now, if folks want to teach responsible drinking at a legal age, go for it. But, until a kid turns 21, the ONLY responsible drinking is NON ALCOHOLIC. It would be illegal and therefore, irresponsible to include them in drinking alcoholic beverages.

Candy Cook | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Boston

Here’s a suggestion for those of us who want to educate our children about drinking responsibly, but don’t want to break the law.

Substitute non-alcoholic beverages like sparkling grape juice in place of Champagne. The ritual of celebration with the popping of the cork and the tiny bubbles can still be enjoyed.

The point is to teach (and therefore protect) our older children, not intoxicate them. We need to train them that you don’t drink alcohol the same way you drink soda or tonic – sipping verses drinking; tasting and enjoying verses re-hydrating, etc.

twkae | 1 year, 7 months ago
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It is a Parent's Responsibility

To NOT make things taboo so that kids will be tempted to overindulge and harm them as soon as they cut the apron strings.

Drinking at our house was neither a ritual nor an everyday thing, nor did we drink to get drunk. When our children were in their teens, many of their schoolmates, under the constraints of “Don’t you EVER let me catch you drinking!” – simply didn’t get caught – until my husband or I, EMTs, worked on them after their fatal or near-fatal wrecks or parties. Our children knew the dangers of drinking, and drank wine, beer, and liquor IN MODERATION with us from their teens. When they all left home to go to college, they frequently were the designated drivers, and one was a resident’s assistant and took care of the other students in the dorms. She knew the symptoms of alcohol poisoning as well as drug overdose, and held peoples’ heads over toilets, got them into bed, or called the ambulance as situations directed.

All of our children were raised with common sense and that some things were a fact of life, and didn’t need to be explored on the sly, away from Mom and Dad’s judgment. By making sure that they knew that overindulgence in drinking, drugs and multiple sex partners were damaging to their emotional and physical health, they had a greater self respect and a tendency to not indulge or overindulge. No we did not have sex with them or do drugs with them; but waiting till they were of an arbitrary “legal” age to have a drink with them was foolish. If Americans would take a hard look at their silly self-righteousness for one second, they would realize that their counterparts in Europe have it right – the more restrictions you lay on your child, the less responsible they are when they leave your feathered nest. Maturity only comes with full information on actions and consequences, and the ability to make an informed and intelligent decision.

Bea Jones | 1 year, 7 months ago
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What's absurd is "That's Absurd"

The illegality of a parent providing alcohol to a child varies from state to state and it is not always illegal.

If you want to know what’s absurd, it’s America’s puritanical attitudes that permits people to carry guns and join the military to kill people yet prohibits them from having a beer on a hot day. Children abuse alcohol because society encourages them to do so by its silly prohibition. We have four children over the age of 20. Each child was exposed to responsible alcohol use beginning at age 15 and none have ever had an interest in excessive use of alcohol in large part because we removed its prohibitive mystique. It never occurred to us to worry about the legality of what we were doing with our children because the only thing that matters was/is their welfare, which remains a parental not a societal responsibility. Further, what society or our neighbors thought of our child rearing capabilities never mattered. Public stupidity and hypocrisy were and remain frequent topics in our home and our children were encouraged to ask questions and think beginning at a very young age not mindlessly follow orders. Your views on alcohol use reflect you’re very negative experiences in life just as our experiences created different less extreme views. I do regret that your experiences were so negative and sympathize with your feelings but have you considered the possibility that your parents drinking in front of you may have had little to do with your prohibitive attitudes, which may have been influenced their abuse of the substance? Most European nations have liberal laws governing the use of alcohol and they have lower rates of abuse than the US but then parents often introduce their children to wine at a young age thereby taking the mystery out of drinking. Prohibition and puritanical attitudes have never had much of an impact on American drug or alcohol use; in fact, they have had quite the opposite effect. Elimination of substance abuse requires education and rational policy and presently, the US has very little of either.

Roger H. Werner | 1 year, 7 months ago
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legal does not equal right

Throughout history, there has been a long succession of bad laws. Whether it was the authority of Roman men to control life and death for their wives, children, and servants, or the arbitrary decision on the part of modern government that once someone turns eighteen they magically become a responsible adult, the fact remains that laws are made by humans, and that humans are not infallible. I’m sure that for the Roman lawmakers, it made perfect sense to allow infanticide if the father didn’t like the look of his child. Likewise, modern society sees nothing wrong with turning people loose at eighteen just because they’re eighteen. It’s been almost two and half years since I turned eighteen, and I personally have yet to feel any more adult and responsible than I was at seventeen.

Like a few other people who’ve commented, my parents were of the “teach enjoyment in moderation” school. They took this approach with my younger brother as well. We’ve turned out rather different, but then we’re different people. Having had the option of a glass of whatever with dinner since age fourteen or fifteen (see how little it matters? I don’t even remember how long it’s been), I’ve developed a taste for the better and generally more expensive stuff, which now that I’m living on my own means I barely drink at all because I’m spoiled. My brother, who takes after our rather neurotic maternal grandmother, never recovered from his knee-jerk reaction brought on by early conditioning from the DARE program during elementary school. He refuses to touch alcohol at all. In fact, he scolds me and my parents when we have beer or wine with dinner. At no point has he been forced to partake, but the option remains if he ever gets over himself.

An excellent historical example of what happens when you try to eliminate something is the Prohibition of the 1920’s. The brewery, distillation, and selling of alcohol was banned by law, and so it went underground. Underground, the industry came under the control of organized crime, which is why the 1920’s were so famous for gangsters. The consumption of alcohol actually went up during Prohibition, not down, and many people were killed and injured due to the hidden nature of the industry. My aforementioned neurotic grandmother, who granted was not born until 1929, had an aunt who, until her death quite recently, was probably one of the last people to know who really killed Bugsy Siegel. No, she didn’t tell anyone, at least not that I know of.

When it comes to legality, most of the time people should just use common sense. Don’t steal stuff, don’t kill people, don’t drive when you’re not in your right mind. As I’ve said, just because something is the law doesn’t mean that it’s right. Huckleberry Finn, you may remember, decided that he was willing to go to hell for “stealing” Jim by setting him free. According to law and society, Huck would have been expected (and required, even) to return Jim to slavery. However, by the end of their journey, Huck had realized that the law and society were wrong, and was able to do the right thing, even though it went against what he had been taught.

In a less clear-cut example, I have a good friend who is seventeen. Her younger brother is a violent maniac, and her parents are so busy feeling sorry for him and dealing with his issues that they ignore their very bright, very sensible, and very vulnerable daughter. There have been numerous occasions where I’ve been talking to my friend and she mentions off-hand that her brother did something to her hand last week, and it still hurts. When I ask if she’s seen a doctor about it, she says that her parents won’t take her. If I were to try and get her medical care, the doctor or what have you would most likely refuse to treat her if her parents weren’t present because she’s underage. She doesn’t want to be taken by child services because she wants to stay in school so she can become a special education teacher. This also means that she can’t apply for emancipation, since she’d have to support herself and that would affect her ability to go to school. Forget the fact that her parents have announced that she’s being kicked out of the house on her eighteenth birthday, which is in January, in the middle of what will be her senior year of high school. She’s a really bright kid, and it would be an undeniable tragedy for her to be doomed to a life of minimum wage jobs just because her parents are self-absorbed idiots.

Age restrictions on things like drinking and the ability to make decisions are arbitrary numbers created by those in power. “How old should you be before you’re considered old enough to make informed decisions?” “Oh, I dunno… eighteen’s a good number. Make it eighteen.” Everyone is different. I know people who were more responsible at fifteen than others are at thirty. You need to think about mental age, not just physiological age. You get a similar problem with the mentally disabled. Say you’ve got a ten-year-old whose mind will never develop past the age of six months. She has no use for reproductive rights, and she will need constant care for the rest of her life no matter how old she gets. She will never be independent, so why is there an age limit on benefits for the families of people with disabilities? My youngest brother is fifteen, and has moderate to severe autism. He’s never going to be able to live independently either, and my parents won’t always be able to take care of him. The state where my parents live provides a respite worker who comes on the weekends and takes him around swimming, shopping, and visiting. My brother loves it, and one of his few vocabulary phrases is “I want Tony”, the name of his respite worker. Unfortunately, the state is only obligated to provide services until my brother turns twenty-one, after which we’re on our own. I suspect that we’re expected to institutionalize him at that point, an idea that I’m not too crazy about for my baby brother.

Laws are human constructs. They have nothing to do with sense, or morality. Just because something is the law does not mean that it’s right.

Garen | 1 year, 7 months ago
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American Intolerance

Remember when the legal drinking age was 18? I remember drinking with my parents when I was in high school. I remember relatives drinking. It actually made me not want to take part in these activities and by the time I was 21 and did take part in these activities it never led to harming myself or anyone else. In Europe children regularly drink wine with dinner and may have a pure German beer on holiday. Why is it that Americans have to make so many laws that dictate what you can and can’t do? And why does this country imprison more of it’s citizens than any other country in the world? Is it because we have so many ridiculous laws to break?

cursmello | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Legality

My understanding of the law is this: in many (most) areas it is perfectly legal for a parent to serve their own child alcohol in their own home.

Karen Winter | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Missing the point

Many of you are completely missing the point of teaching our youth to be responsible and make wise decisions. Do you really think that loving parents would be teaching their children to break the law as opposed to not being a foolish person? You must let them know that talking on a cell phone while driving, STDs, guns, violence and drug abuse are also just as wrong. You must teach that the consequences are not worth the risk of hurting or killing yourself or others. What age should we be teaching our young people to not commit suicide? Age has nothing to do with being a responsible person. If you wait until too late to address these issues, 21 may be the anniversary of your child’s death.

Debbie Evans | 1 year, 7 months ago
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