Should You Drink With Your Kids?
Parents are frequently encouraged to share more activities with their kids. But should drinking alcohol together be one of them?
“I was 14 the first time I got falling down drunk”, Time Magazine reporter John Cloud admits in a recent article examining underage drinking. Back then, Cloud says, such antics were viewed as a “right of passage.” Today, however, an increase in the number of young hard-core drinkers has heightened concern. So is it time for parents to take a different approach toward kids and alcohol?
“At first it sounds a little nutty,” Cloud says, “but you might consider drinking with your kids.”
Drinking with your kids at home, Cloud writes—which he cautions is not the same as buying them alcohol for a party—is “a good way to teach responsible drinking behavior.”
The idea is to present alcohol not as an “alluring risk,” but as part of ordinary family life.
Addiction expert and psychologist Stanton Peele says he started giving his daughter “a few sips” of alcohol as a child at family meals. The key, Peele says, is not to make “a big deal about it.” When the girl turned 16, she was allowed to have a full glass of whatever the adults were drinking. “A second glass probably doesn’t make sense,” Peele explained, “but making hard-and-fast rules creates the sense that alcohol is some magical potion.”
But for many families, “demystifying” alcohol by consuming it with their teenagers may produce a parenting hang-over. And there is additional concern that alcohol could hurt teens’ developing brains.
Tell us what you think: Can parents teach responsibility by drinking with their kids?
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Comments
That's absurd
First of all, it’s still illegal to provide a child with alcohol – even if it’s not for a party. Secondly, in a family with an overwhelming susceptibility to being an alcoholic, I wouldn’t think this “opening Pandora’s box” to be a very good idea. Alcohol is a “magic potion,” for some folks – a magic potion akin to poison. Alcoholism doesn’t develop because parents had strict rules about not drinking.. it just rears its ugly head after you begin drinking. I’m the only.. the only one in my mom’s family who can honestly say they are not an alcoholic – the only reason is because I have never drank alcohol. The biggest help in deciding this, though, was having my parents drink in front of me – so, feel free to do that and make an idiot out of yourself. Then maybe your kid will avoid alcohol altogether. It’s really stupid to suggest that folks do illegal things with children in order to promote responsibility.
Candy Cook | 1 year, 4 months ago
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Boston
We teach our children in many ways, including by example. Our children learn how to respond to things like injuries, bad news, rudeness, in part by how parents react and behave. So, since alcohol is a part of our culture, and it’s here to stay, what better way to show our children how to drink responsibility then to show them ourselves?
I wouldn’t recommend a parent with a drinking problem trying this, but by showing children how to maintain a healthly relationship with alcohol, maybe we can reduce the risk of alcoholism and excessive drinking in their future. Isn’t some cautionary education better than nothing for all young people?
We really do need to teach our children, that is, our older children, how to drink in moderation, to never drink and drive, not to drink when one day they become pregnant, only to drink while eating, to drink water along with alcohol, to drink out of the proper glass, to drink to celebrate special occasions, to always have a clever, cheerful toast in mind, and not to call attention to yourself while drinking.
You know from being a teenager that most things that you were denied you found intriguing. You wanted access to it to solve the mysteries around it. Knowledge is power. We should teach our older children how to enjoy alcohol and how to protect themselves from its misuse, the same way we teach them how to be responsible with an automobile, electricity, fire, money, etc. so they have power over it and it never over powers them.
twkae | 1 year, 4 months ago
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That's absurd - Part 2
I agree with Candy’s comments and would like to add that I hope your approach wouldn’t be the same regarding teaching your children about sex. Too many parents want to be a friend to their children instead of the parent because it just isn’t as fun being the bad guy sometimes. But, that is definitely the RESPONSIBLE thing to do.
Mary Pierson | 1 year, 4 months ago
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Yeah, teach your kids to break the law
What a completely preposterous idea. I’m not completely against drinking, and would have no problem with parents drinking with their kids, once their kids are 21. For whatever reason the law was made, we need to respect it or do something to change it, not give our children permission to break the law, just as long as your doing it with “responsible” (yeah, right) adults present. A responsible adult would not condone such behavior. Teaching your children to be responsible with alcohol would include being a good example themselves with alcohol, talking to your kids about the consequences of being irresponsible, and teaching them to respect the laws about it. It is absurd to break the laws to teach them responsibility. What kind of idiot thinks that makes sense?
Tinkerbelle1978 | 1 year, 4 months ago
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Ravenna
I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for. I think drinking is okay with my own children with common sense. If a Dad is getting into trouble with the Law and losing jobs all the time. The kids see the problem. On the other hand like myself I’ve kept the same job for years don’t drink and drive. Don’t bother others. My kids see that and know what is right and wrong. What I dislike most is other people/groups being judges of whats good for my Family.
Raymond Kelly McElhiney II | 1 year, 4 months ago
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Learn by example
As underage drinking is illegal at this time I would say that leading by example would be a good way to teach our children about “responsible” drinking. If you try to hide your drinking or deny it then your children may see that as the only way to drink, however, if you have a drink or two in front of them and show them how to be responsible, IE… not driving, not fighting, etc. then isn’t that a far more effective lesson?
J.D.N. | 1 year, 4 months ago
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Alcohol Consumption with Children
Alcoholic parents often do not acknowledge that they are in fact alcoholics, and here in lies the ability to make a sound and clear choice of acceptable behavior. Alcoholics in general have a line of reasoning miles long to justify their choices and the resulting fall out from those choices. Parents who think they can teach their children about alcohol by drinking with them are deluding themselves and it is abdicating the role of the parent. Parents need to be brutally honest with their motives for this life lesson. This generation is obsessed with protecting children, with car seats, seat belts, helmets, and so on, that they can then rationalize drinking with children makes no sense at all. The human brain continues to develop until age 25. Beyond the occasional religious ceremony providing a child with alcohol is a poorly thought out decision.
Lucy O'mally | 1 year, 4 months ago
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lead by example 2
I agree with Lucy and in going back and reading my own post I felt I needed to clarify a little of what I said, I believe that if my husband or I have a drink or two in front of my kids and make sure I am still behaving responsibly myself that they will learn by watching me more than if I were to pretend to them that I never take a drink at all. Knowing that they are smart enough to know differently!
J.D.N. | 1 year, 4 months ago
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Removing the taboo
My parents did the same with me when I was 15-16 years old (I am now 28). When I got to college, other kids were enamored with this new activity that they had never been allowed to participate in and that was so taboo. And we all know when something is taboo…we want it more. I wasn’t that way. It wasn’t a big deal to me – being exposed to it early and understanding that alcohol is to be enjoyed and not overdone – made my college experience far less dangerous than others.
Lauren | 1 year, 4 months ago
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This is a European idea
Many Europeans drink with the family and have no problem. It’s my opinion that giving it to a young adult or even a child might do some type of damage not to their brains but the liver and kidneys that have to filter it. I sometimes cook with wine and have given my children cough syrup and we know mouth wash has it already in the ingredients so why use your child as a guinea pig?
I believe with good communication and a good relationship with your child they will tell you what they are doing and when they want to try something, hopefully they will be enough but I wouldn’t just give it to them as a child.
sandra preston | 1 year, 4 months ago
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