Second Life: First Divorce?
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, in…cyberspace?
Does the age-old marriage vow of fidelity need to be updated to make husbands and wives responsible for their behavior online?
Infidelity is “just as painful, whether it’s electronic or physical,” says an expert in how the internet affects relationships. “For awhile there was this impression that as long as it’s online, it doesn’t matter. But research has shown it’s not a separate world.”
In what is said to be the first case of its kind, a woman is now divorcing her husband after catching the animated character he created online having a fictional affair in a computer role-playing game with an animated online character created by a woman he’d never met.
“It’s cheating, as far as I’m concerned,” said the 28-year-old aggrieved wife.
The couple, married for three years and living in England, originally met online as fans of the cyberspace community Second Life, a game in which players create animated fantasy alter egos called avatars, and act out virtual lives with virtual relationships. It was in Second Life that the husband’s avatar strayed, though he says, “I don’t think I was really doing anything wrong.”
That one cartoon character cheating on another cartoon character could trigger a real-life divorce caught the attention of psychologists around the world. A British newspaper reported that counselors had found “an increasing number of people whose real-life relationships were falling apart because of what was happening in their parallel, unreal worlds.”
“If you travel in that territory,” warned a San Diego psychologist, “it is unmapped,
unchartered, unpoliced, unsupervised. Somebody’s going to get hurt…I don’t think that people are fully aware how deeply they can hurt one another with these types of games.”
Tell us what you think: Where does personal responsibility begin and end when it comes to the actions of fictional online characters? Should cheating with an avatar even be considered as grounds for divorce?
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I was caught doing this very thing
I was first cheating on aim, then it moved into Second Life. Then my husband of 5 years found out about it. We had been together 10 years by then. Cheating online, having an affair online, is just as devastating online as it can be in real life. If any of you are Christians, it says in the bible, adultery is lusting after another in your mind and heart. My husband forgave me, we worked things out, and now I stay away from any of that crap because I saw how I must have hurt him. I am still playing SL, I even own a clothes designing store.
I have seen some people say “It’s just a game , it’s not cheating.” Yes, Second Life is just a game, but when people start treating it as their life, then it becomes much, much, more. Some people I have met do treat it as their life.
Mrs still | 1 year, 1 month ago
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Yes, please
It is cheating. I have been in Second Life for long time and experienced it in my own skin. It hurts and stays with you for long time. Maybe it is more painful than in real life. I may even know you from Second Life. “For God’s sake – it is a game” heard that already. My life was upside down for more than five months.
Second Life is not a game as you react with real human fillings. It is a real person behind that stupid keyboard!
Beata | 1 year, 1 month ago
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maybe it is true
Yes, we get bored over a period of time with the same partner in real life and the same, I guess, in Second Life. We are hurting each other on that game too much.
Beata | 1 year, 1 month ago
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Ms.
Yes it is cheating, even when it is done online. Second Life as from my experience is feeling of real humans, not some avatar, with no brain. I experienced meeting a man online, he was married and after awhile his wife had a problem with it. He abided by her wishes for him not to be online on Second Life. I understand her feelings. I asked on many occasions how she felt because I knew in my heart if I were his real life wife, I would be very hurt. So eventually it came to pass and he no longer came on Second Life.
Any moron needs to wake up and realize it doesn’t matter what you act out it’s the thought that goes behind it. If you can sit here and be with someone else, namely another avatar and do special things for your avatar, but not your wife or husband you’re really stupid. Life relationships can be very good as long as each other keep things a live and adventurous!
Amy | 1 year ago
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My husband has told me he wants a divorce after he went to Brazil to meet his new girlfriend from Second Life.
He has been there a few times now and still will not admit to her at all. So I say Second Life has a few glitches in it. Ha ha.
lebaz zabelin | 1 year ago
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I have just recently started going on Second Life (SL), and my best friend’s wife is on there as well. My best friend got her hooked on SL since he found it before her. After a while it did start to get to him a little bit. But her answer was this, “Honey I love you and I keep my real life out of SL as much as possible, and this is just a way for me to do things that are not humanly possible in real life.” She has met a lot of people in SL that can’t tell the difference between the two worlds and I will agree at that point, it is cheating. But when you are on there doing the same things that she does, then i don’t find it is cheating. Plus, there are some things you can find there your partner just can’t give you. Take my friend’s wife for example. She is a hot lesbian vampire in SL, and that is something she can’t do in real life and her real life husband can’t give her. I have also heard people bringing in God and the church and all of that. If you are so strong in your religion then what are you doing in places like that. Wouldn’t sins of the flesh and all that be included in cyberspace. I think places like SL are for those of us that don’t have a problem with committing a sin here and there and are ready to pay the piper for it, and ask for forgiveness on our death beds all at once. There are people out there that can tell the difference between SL and real life and don’t let the two crossover. So why ban something that keeps so many people having fun. If you are not adult enough to control your gaming habits, then you should go back home to mommy. For those that lost someone to the game then I just want to say this, “if they left you then they never loved you no matter for whatever reason they did leave.” So it’s not the game’s fault if there wasn’t anything there for a real strong relationship. For those that leave someone for another gamer, get a real life before you get in to Second Life or any other online chat/game!
Redneckthug | 1 year ago
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Online "Cheating"
Everyone has different ideas of what cheating is…I mean yes, if you take your fantasy world to real life and you’re already with someone, that would be considered cheating….However I see it more like #### and there are many people in this world who view #### alone as cheating, I have not that issue……..
I’ve been with the same man in real life for 12 years and I will never leave him, however he has his kinda #### and I have mine……….
I feel that if you have an open relationship and the each person knows what the other person is doing, then what is the harm in a lil fun…….
Kendra | 1 year ago
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I think it's cheating
Second Life is an excellent game that brings a lot of opportunities for a lot of people. But lets be realistic. There are people who can’t tell the difference. After 8-15 hours of playing the game they become engrossed in it. The people, the conversation, the beautiful scenery. The possibilities are endless. One has to be very careful when playing these online games. The relationships and connections made are very real. I became attracted to a man whom I would otherwise never have gotten with in RL. We were from “two different worlds” and were at opposite sides of the country. He ended up picking a girl from Spain over me and when I lost him, it hurt something terrible. I still think of that man to this day. Life continues, but I often think how he is doing and whether it worked out for him and that girl. He was different from what I was used to but his words, the things he said, and the experiences we had were amazing. I can see how if I were with someone it would definitely hurt the other person I was with. Although I feel I live a satisfying life, Second Life has been rather exciting and inspiring. Bottom line yeah its a game, but it can be very real and a married person having an affair online is cheating. There is a real person behind that avatar. You can’t forget that!
Oren | 1 year ago
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You are right in a way
The avatars in second life are based or backed by a real live person. So in that aspect you are a 100% right.
But still my main point I was trying to get at is that you can not blame the game itself for any of it. The game is just there for people to have fun on and do things not possible in real life. When you blame the game for the stuff that happens you are going in the same direction as the people that say, “guns kill.” It is never the guns fault, but only the idiot behind the gun. Since when has any of us seen a gun just jump up and start going on a killing spree by itself.
My friend’s wife seems to have touched a lot of people’s heart on second life, but she plays responsibly and always tells people not to get emotionally attached to the real person thoughts. She is only there to have fun playing the game. And so long that she says that up front and that the people she meets knows that for her it is just a game then I do not see anything wrong with what she does.
She is also an Escort girl in the game. She and several like her are in real relationships but don’t seem to have problems in those relationships. My friend knows what she does on there, and has no problems with it. Her heart isn’t in the game but at home with him. So I wouldn’t consider it cheating.
Basically all I am getting at is that it is sad to hear people use a game as an excuse for a failed relationship. The game didn’t make the people get on and have cyber sex with out their partner’s consent. That person would have done it either way if they had the chance. So I feel that if people do stuff like that and in that way then there was already something missing. So let’s all just be adults about this and have some fun while we still can.
Redneckthug | 1 year ago
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Allison, I know how you feel, mine did the same thing he met her in the game and went to see her in Brazil and told me he was just going to visit her and her husband hahahaah
And has been back more times and now we are divorcing. This is his second marriage and I hope if she comes up to the us,t he has to pay with lots this time.
SUSAN | 1 year ago
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