Parents Gone Wild: Time Out for Soccer?
When parents act irresponsibly, should they get a time-out?
A group of soccer parents in Bethesda, Maryland was recently ordered away from the game and exiled to a nearby hill, where they needed binoculars to see their daughters play.
The banishment was punishment for the adults’ “unsportsmanlike” conduct at a Washington Area Girls Soccer League match, where a parent loudly accused a referee of making a bad call. The league has levied fines against parents in the past for over-the-top behavior, but some have simply paid the money without lowering the volume.
So when the parent raised his voice at the ref, and others piled on in an “aggressive” tone that culminated with one yelling at the referee’s daughter, “Your father should be fired,” the league’s disciplinary committee deemed that collective punishment was in order. All parents of girls on the Bethesda Legacy team were sidelined to the hill for two games, guarded by an additional ref who made sure none ventured within 100 yards of the playing field.
“For parents to be shrieking on the sidelines and belittling people goes against everything we’re trying to do,” said the league president. “It’s not acceptable behavior.” The disciplinary committee’s report noted that parents’ “egregious” behavior has “no place in youth sports.”
Chastised parents were tight-lipped. “It’s embarrassing,” said one. “This is seventh grade soccer.”
“We’ve got to shut up and keep going,” said another. “You just have to sit on the sidelines and not say anything.”
But some questioned this latest entry into the parental playbook. “Since when did it become a crime to yell at the referees for a bad call?” a Bethesda resident wrote in a letter to the newspaper editor. “In my view, parents are simply expressing their passion.”
Tell us what you think: Is it irresponsible for parents to yell at their kids’ referee? Where do you draw the line between expressing “passion” and unsportsmanlike behavior? In this case, does the crime fit the collective punishment?
For information about creating positive sports experiences for kids, log on to ResponsibleSports.com. Sponsored by Liberty Mutual, the site offers parents and coaches tips, tools, and advice designed to help maximize their kids’ youth sports experience. Parents can also take part in online discussions, asking questions and sharing experiences about how best to help kids apply the life lessons of sports—on and off the field. Because, as The Home Run reminds us, there’s more to the game than winning.
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I have coached, managed, refereed, or umpired in youth sports for the past 15 years. Some leagues pay a small stipend to their referees, but for many it is a volunteer effort. Some people not only volunteer but pay for their equipment and training courses out of pocket. I can’t tell for sure, of course, but I would be willing to bet that most people on here who are defending the parents have never served as a referee or a coach. Even extremely competent officials are going to make bad calls now and again. If an official is obviously inept, there are channels that parents can go through to have that person replaced. Abusing the officials on the field in front of the kids is NEVER appropriate under any circumstances. Until you are willing to get on the field and do it yourself, you should watch the game and keep your mouth shut unless you are cheering for the kids. Thankfully, more and more leagues are requiring parents to sign rules of conduct agreements when they sign their kids up.
Ronald Applewhite | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Parent
You’re right. Parents should be able to enjoy watching the game. They should have to hear grown adults yelling at a 14 year old ref about how horrible of a job they are doing or yelling at their child about how pathetic they are and why they should have stayed home.
When parents complain so violently about about the game, I usually direct them to the free Referee clinics offered on the weekend and tell them to give it a try. Because we all know that they can do a much better job.
However, it is the responsibility of the refs to uphold their authority and eject parents and coaches who take it too far.
And remember, depending on the state in which you live, it may be a felony to assault a referee. Cool off and enjoy the game or find something else to do.
Vince Montoya | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Referee
As a veteran referee of more than a decade, I can tell you that parents that get out of control can cause much more damage to the sport than the game is worth. I mean, seriously it’s a kids game! I could understand maybe at the high school level, college level, or obviously professional level. At that age there is something there. But at a seventh grade girls game- most leagues don’t even keep stats on the teams! I can also say as an older sibling to many younger kids, watching a ref make a bad call hurts. But addressing it the way that many parents have done, really only hurts the game, and shows your children that manners and respect have no place in our ‘real’ society. To those parents reading this: please consider what you are really doing every time you open up your mouth to complain about what you consider to be a ‘bad’ call – is it really worth it?
Aaron Steigelmann | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Putting our tax money in the wrong place.
I think we should go back to recess and physical education in school. There is too much emphasis put in sports. Our children are getting away from what education is all about. They are taught that winning is everything, but it isn’t. A good education is what our tax money is supposed to be paying for, not a bunch of uniforms and sports equipment. I’m sure sports equipment and gear is very costly. I think the money could be spent more wisely.
Thomas B. SARVER | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Right thing was done
A parent should be able to SAY bad call, but to be aggressive and rude and to yell at a child because their parent ticked them off it just childish immature behavior and so they should be punished like children, with time outs.
Michelle Buckingham | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Perfect for the kids
As a current AYSO referee, a coach and parent, this is great punishment. I argue with the referee only because I know so much about the game, but it is never abusive. The issue lies with the people who don’t know as much about the game as a referee does. Remember, the referee has taken at least 8 hours of class on the game and how to call the game. This is before they step foot onto the field to referee their first match. How many parents have spent 8 hours learning the laws of the game? In my experience, about 99% are having spent zero time learning the laws or even how to play the game. There is also an unwritten law to the game, “Right or wrong, the referee is always right”. In this case, the punishment is right.
Tim Kolacz | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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A time and a place
Being a hard core soccer (football) fan of an English club, it is part of the game and part of the atmosphere to shout abuse at the ref and chant, sing and so on. However, this is usually in front of the TV or in a full capacity stadium. When you are a parent at a match, the rules and attitudes are different and with good reason. Parents need to show by example. Acting that way only tells children that this is a good way to behave. And telling the referee’s child that his / her father should be fired, well, in a professional arena, that fan would have been banned for life from all matches. That parent should count themselves lucky they only got a two match ban. So please parents, we all support your passion, commitment, support, but use common sense, respect and above all responsibility. Not for your sake; for the children’s.
Gavin | 9 months, 1 week ago
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Mr.
It scares me to think that anyone would believe that the parents’ actions were appropriate. You simply do not bring that type of behavior to a children’s sporting event. You use the actions of the ref as a “positive” teaching opportunity once the child returns home.
Expectations for parents should be set before the season begins and when the boundaries are crossed then everyone understands and have agreed to the consequences.
Pat Nichols | 9 months, 1 week ago
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Soccer referee
Passion in a game is one thing. Unruly behavior is another. The referee has to make a decision in a split second and may make a mistake. However, the parents have a responsibility to demonstrate respect for the rules of the game and the referee represents those rules. A player in soccer (football) can be sent off for arguing with a referee. A referee that continually makes bad decisions can be, and quite normally, are disciplined by the league and/or the governing association. What kind of example are these kids being taught when their parents misbehave in this manner? In the professional game, fans are banned from the stadium for unruly behavior. Yelling, screaming and singing are the excepted behaviors, obscenities and throwing things into the pitch are not. Any fan caught doing any of those is not only kicked out of that game, but banned from attending any game for life. So these parents got off lightly. As a referee I have had unruly parents removed from the environment quite frequently, either by suggestion or by the use of law enforcement.
Wendell Berry | 9 months ago
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In that setting?
If you’re going to cheer, then by all means cheer! If you want to dispute, then it is time to ask yourself, how serious IS this?
We all know that a game includes not only skill but a measure of chance and opportunity. The referee must be human, one bad call here balances one bad call there. It all works out for the best if you stay humble. The players work hard, the crowd is amused, and the best team wins.
KimberlyAnne | 9 months ago
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