Parenting or Spying: Who’s Watching The Kids?
If you electronically monitor every website your kids view, secretly read all their instant messages, filter their TV viewing, restrict their incoming and outgoing calls, and track their movements by GPS devices lurking in their backpacks and cell phones, are you parenting, or spying?
Spying, and proud of it, say parental proponents of stealth, who insist that protecting their children has no limits. “If I’m responsible for their actions, then I should be able to snoop,” says a mother in Tennessee. A Texas mom is point-blank: “I have made it perfectly clear there is no privacy in my house.”
And no difficulty violating it. Just a single piece of spy ware makes subterfuge simple, allowing parents to view everything their kid does online, including both sides of IM conversations. Parents who don’t like what they see can secretly shut down the kid’s computer by remote, then blame it on a mysterious network problem.
“I can see why some people worry that parents will become too controlling,” says a Texas father of five, “but I’ve found that technology actually lets you give kids more freedom.” By controlling what his kids do and see, he says, he hopes to “eliminate” the possibility that they’ll make bad decisions that could bring lasting harm.
Care or control? Insight or intrusion? The debate continues, especially in the increasingly popular grade-tracking programs that allow parents almost hourly access to their child’s progress in school, with the cooperation of teachers. Depending on the software, parents can check test and homework grades, disciplinary notices, attendance, missed assignments, and their child’s daily class ranking, on command.
A Georgia mother who used to incessantly check her child’s school progress by logging on each day at 6AM, has re-thought her dependence on electronically tracking every aspect of her daughter’s daily life. “It speaks to all your neuroses as a parent, all this need to control, that pressure to make sure everything is perfect,” she said. “How are these kids going to learn to be responsible adults?”
Tell us what you think: Should parents use technology to monitor their kids? Is it parenting, spying, responsible, or something else?
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i agree
i really agree becuse if you spy on them so much and the dont know the aren’t going to trust you like they really did and they are going to go do the things you was spying on them for behind your back.
tequandra grace | 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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not call for
its plain wrong to spy on your kids.kids need their privacy just like us adults. and it wouldnt feel right to have your parents always around and you cant have your privacy every once in a while.
shaneka grace | 1 month, 4 weeks ago
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??!!!!!??NO??!!!!!??NO??!!!!!!??NO???!!!!!???!!!!!
you should know that the more you do all of that the more kids will do it so stop and talk to your kids about the age of 8-9 about doing it turst me I NO THAt THeRE IS SPELLING talk do NOT spy!!!!
taylojam | 1 month, 3 weeks ago
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That's a bit scary
So i’m 14. I found this while looking to see if it was possible to do such a thing. Apparently, it is. In my opinion, if my mom were to do that, I would be scared into not doing anything inappropriate (and I admit, I view ‘inappropriate’ websites on a daily basis because my mom has no ways of knowing). I think it’s an ok idea, so long as it’s not taken too far. There are MANY terrible things that can be seen on the internet, and if I had a kid, I wouldn’t want them to see/do harmful things. I would like them to have privacy, but I wouldn’t like them to do something that will harm them in some way. anyway, old article is old so my input probably doesn’t matter.
Piko | 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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love this
my child is having problems in math but she need to get on the computer and learn something.I been looking for her something ever since she was in 3rd grade but now she is in the 5th grade and when she was in the k 1st,and 2nd grade she was busting them hundreds but now something is wrong with her she got her mind on the wrong thing all she makes is ds and cs but i cnt find anything all i am asking is please help me find something please,please,please.please,please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shaerend hawlls | 4 weeks, 1 day ago
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Mom to a 15 year old angel
Here’s a thought, if you teach them… about how vital their word is than out of respect for you and their higher power the truth will come out. My kid has been through so much, however, she has managed to remain a virgin, not use drugs, be active in her community and aspire to make us proud. Most kids want and need their parents love and approval…so mistakes will be made by all parties. At the end of the day they will come to you for support. She knows her daddy and I always have her back! And I am married to a 37 year police veteran.
sandy Kesseler | 1 week, 6 days ago
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The Friend
I am the best friend of a 23 year old who is STILL being controlled by his parents. He is NOT allowed to have a job of his own, he works with his dad, was home schooled throughout high school, is not allowed to have friends or communicate with the outside world. He not allowed to access his OWN bank account. His keys are taken away and locked up upon returning home. His parents read every single IM, Text, Email, Letter and other forms of communication he receives. This is severely harming him. He is still the same little boy I met over 10 years ago. He still has the same mentality is he did in 8th grade. I have begged him and begged him for years to get out of his parents his as I can see what this is doing to him. And he refuses to listen to me because he is terrified of the outcome from his parents.
I have a daughter of my own. And I do not know everything about parenting, but what I do know if kids should have their own freedom, with some limitations. Yes, by all means know where your kids are going and who they will be with. This is a safety concern, but DON’T hover over your children. Don’t lie to them or worst yet undermined their knowledge of technology. I know there are bad people out there but you can’t teach your children to be scared of every little thing that goes bump in the night. The only thing this will teach them is to NEVER trust anyone. If they can’t trust you; their parents, who can they trust?????
Caitlin Gioia | 5 days, 8 hours ago
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