Parenting or Spying: Who’s Watching The Kids?
If you electronically monitor every website your kids view, secretly read all their instant messages, filter their TV viewing, restrict their incoming and outgoing calls, and track their movements by GPS devices lurking in their backpacks and cell phones, are you parenting, or spying?
Spying, and proud of it, say parental proponents of stealth, who insist that protecting their children has no limits. “If I’m responsible for their actions, then I should be able to snoop,” says a mother in Tennessee. A Texas mom is point-blank: “I have made it perfectly clear there is no privacy in my house.”
And no difficulty violating it. Just a single piece of spy ware makes subterfuge simple, allowing parents to view everything their kid does online, including both sides of IM conversations. Parents who don’t like what they see can secretly shut down the kid’s computer by remote, then blame it on a mysterious network problem.
“I can see why some people worry that parents will become too controlling,” says a Texas father of five, “but I’ve found that technology actually lets you give kids more freedom.” By controlling what his kids do and see, he says, he hopes to “eliminate” the possibility that they’ll make bad decisions that could bring lasting harm.
Care or control? Insight or intrusion? The debate continues, especially in the increasingly popular grade-tracking programs that allow parents almost hourly access to their child’s progress in school, with the cooperation of teachers. Depending on the software, parents can check test and homework grades, disciplinary notices, attendance, missed assignments, and their child’s daily class ranking, on command.
A Georgia mother who used to incessantly check her child’s school progress by logging on each day at 6AM, has re-thought her dependence on electronically tracking every aspect of her daughter’s daily life. “It speaks to all your neuroses as a parent, all this need to control, that pressure to make sure everything is perfect,” she said. “How are these kids going to learn to be responsible adults?”
Tell us what you think: Should parents use technology to monitor their kids? Is it parenting, spying, responsible, or something else?
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Keep them safe!!
I personally think that monitoring your child is no bad thing! I use a site which tells me what my child has been doing online and I can now relax when he’s on his computer for hours!
Emily Flapton | 11 months ago
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I disagree
For some cases, if you are blind that “your” child will not do anything that might endanger them, or that could have lasting consequences, you go right ahead and be the freedom fighter I am reading here.
The other side of the story is quite plain. It is not a matter of “if” a child will make a really bad decision, but when. This technology lets you consistently determine if your child is wandering into something they should not.
In plain sight of my teenagers, I will read their incoming and outgoing texts. They know that crossing the line is not permitted, but it is constantly discussed. The end result is that I have one 25 year old who is happily making a life for himself and family, a 16 year old who tells me when his friends are doing questionable things and “wants” my advice on how to protect himself from the backlash, and a 15 year old daughter who has told her friends to change clothes and would not go out with them if they looked like hookers or sluts.
You think you are safe, but not with 21 million people signed up on MySpace. It isn’t possible.
I need this software for my nephew, who came to live with us at 16 (same age as my son), who admitted to wanting to “start over” with us because of former drug use, and who is building his trust little by little.
You decide, but don’t judge me when I am protecting myself and my children from the predators out there.
Michael | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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This is SICK!!!
There are no words to describe the way these parents are acting. There is absolutely no way that a child can learn and become adults if their parents are watching them as they do EVERYTHING. You can’t do that if you want them to be responsible and make good decisions. They will expect Mommy to do it for them. And, if they are smart. they will rebel. Go on the internet at their friends’ houses. Whatever you don’t let them do, they will do behind your back without you knowing, and they will be happy if you get mad, because that’s what they were aiming for. The sooner these parents leave their kids and GIVE THEM SOME PRIVACY, the sooner the kids become more mature and learn from mistakes.
Alexandra | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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Watch over your kids
A start for parents to know what’s going on with their children.
desiree lightfoot | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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Common sense
If anyone should be concerned of our overall rights, please stop listening to the media concerning “YOUR” rights as a citizen; be it privacy ,our kids future and the over all government slope to devastate our country’s morality. As far as our kids are concerned, today’s parent (all of us) has lost the ability to retreat back to “good old commonsense”. if we drive into our child’s mind that something is bad, without an explanation, curiosity will 99% of the time simply lead them to their own investigation; firearms being one of the issues that has caused more sadness than most. As a child, my parents made us very aware the dangers of guns at a very early age, but never dramatized issues, screamed negativity, stomped up and down. They secretly kept them locked away for no one to see. As a family of outdoor recreation, I as well as my sisters all had our own firearms from age 9 and up. These guns were kept on a gun rack in each of our rooms and it was NO BIG DEAL. We never dreamed of taking a gun to school and our friends came over to play. We knew the responsibility; we simply thought of it as another part of our lives.
All that being said, if we continue to explain how BAD something is and our kids do not have knowledge as to why, and then their findings will be based on peer pressure. The liberal media and an educational system that we are swiftly losing to a moralistic society in today’s environment have led us all to become private investigators. We have to!!! corruption has invaded almost every path our children will follow into adulthood, i.e. teachers, priest, pastors, neighbors, boy and girl scouts, sports, spring breaks, and sadly, a mere simple walk or bike ride alone(that they have done thousands of times) when in a matter of only seconds, they are ripped from our very soul. I know that is harsh, but we must, as parents, never lose sight of our children’s curiosity. Don’t be afraid to be “called out” as a goofy parent: ask those questions and watch for the tale-tale signs – spend the effort.
I used to pick my daughter up from school impersonating their so called fads. Lol, uh, she hated it but her friends always said “your dads a nut, but wish mine would lighten up”. Make them laugh, listen when they cry – show them how we know that they know. We know they are smarter than us parents. Tell them all (well maybe not all) the highs and lows you went through at their age.
In today’s rat race we tend to place our jobs, our advancements, and our social standings above and beyond the very reason we strive to get there. If political concerns involve your children, please, in depth search and educate yourselves on some of the current bills trying to be passed without tons of media coverage. The G.I.V.E. program for starters: the classroom media and books that are currently exposing our children to the normalcy of issues they should “NOT” have to study as criteria for a normal education. I’m not an activist nor am I an extremist. I am simply a parent that is watching our country being driven by a arrogant, unconcerned, immoral, no longer god fearing government (yes, republicans, democrats, etc.) towards a one world, one government, one nation, global free for all. That if not stopped, will surely have our children years from now asking “WHY”. As a parent, NEVER will an identity such as A.C.O.R.N or A.M.E.R.I.C.O. have any say in my child’s future. Always remember, when a society is weary of their government and is deceived and/or convinced there is nothing “THEY” can do as citizens, this is called TYRANNY. When a government is weary of its citizens and realizes there is nothing “THEY” can do without “OUR” approval…this is called “LIBERTY”. Please let our children at least inherit the liberty we all have fought to preserve; WE THE PEOPLE…not WE THE GOVERNMENT. God bless.
mac mccallister | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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Mrs
I think it s very good to protect a kid because the kids are the future.
tamize mervilus | 10 months, 3 weeks ago
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Giving them space works
Maybe instead of trying to control your kids all the time, you should let them fall once in a while and then be there to help them up. Kids aren’t dumb, we know what happened when the computer mysteriously crashed or the internet won’t work for some unexplained reason. I really think that most of the kids today aren’t mature enough to handle everyday life and situations when they get in the real world because mommy and daddy aren’t there to break their every fall. I know from personal experience that I have made mistakes but since my one parent allowed me to make them and learn from them, I respect them more than I would have if they had just gone behind my back and been a “helicopter” parent. If you aren’t secure enough with your relationship with your child, maybe it’s your own fault for not giving them room to grow. In all actuality, the more you try to keep them from ever experiencing their own mistakes, the more you push them away by being an overpowering, over-protective shadow that looms in their every action and sometimes causes them to make poor choices out of defiance.
andi | 9 months, 4 weeks ago
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What do you think?
Honestly, if a parent has to check on their child 24/7 there are over protective. I think a parent has every right to know where there child is going or what they are doing, but they should gain trust in their child and be able to rely on what their child is telling them. I think it is insane that parents would put cameras in their child’s room. That is a total disrespect of privacy even if it is your child. Do not put your child under a microscope. They will just try and keep things from you if they feel you do not trust them.
Honestly??? | 9 months, 4 weeks ago
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I agree too
It’s kind of a bad habit to spy on what your kids are up to, but sometimes parents have to do that, and I understand that because if I had kids I would do the same thing. But some parents are just ridiculous. I DO NOT agree that the parents should be overprotective. By age 14, parents should just let their kids have some freedom. But unfortunately, I’m one of them. I always stay home my mom doesn’t let me go to parties that often. But come on!!! It’s just parties; people have to enjoy life we didn’t come to earth just to be bored. Life normal with freedom but don’t go too crazy on the freedom part and everything is going to be OK. It’s not like we teenagers don’t know how to take care of ourselves. Because I think we are a little grown up for parents not letting us have fun.
nicole | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Mom
This thing about parental control is interesting. What we need to remember:
– It’s great we have these options to babysit our kids. Heaven knows some of us need it: working moms, dads, etc.
– Kids are very individual and some may need more babysitting than others because of maturity levels or more mature (or immature) peer groups.
My daughter is nine and only beginning to blossom out into the bigger world. I, of course, keep my own eyes, not tech ones, on her. But isn’t it our job to help them transition into a role of making good choices. That means a period of supervision but eventually allowing them to fly. I feel sorry for the kids who have earned the right to some privacy and respect by making good choices, being trustworthy, and being honest. These kids will develop confidence when their parents, who presumably know them best, give their vote of confidence by no longer (or at least less frequently) babysitting their kids!
kimberly | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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