Murder, He Wrote
If you can’t kill a man, forgive him instead.
That was the mind-boggling moral journey undertaken by a writer named David Holthouse, who, along the way, was forced to define and redefine his views of personal responsibility.
At age 7, Holthouse was sexually assaulted by a high school football player. He wrote about the attack in his diary but told no one—not even his parents, who were close friends of the assailant’s parents.
For 25 years, Holthouse kept the awful secret. Then he learned that his attacker had moved to the Denver area, the same place Holthouse—by then a journalist—had moved to work for a local newspaper.
First he fixated on the memory.
Then he fixated on murder.
“I arrived at a point in my mind,” Holthouse said, “where it seemed to me that murder was entirely rational, justifiable and even a morally responsible course of action.”
With a gun, a silencer, and a plan, Holthouse staked out the man’s house and followed him to and from work. But before he could lure him to an out-of-the-way baseball field—“a good place for a killing”—his mother inadvertently foiled the plot. She happened upon the old diary, read about the assault, and informed the assailant’s parents.
So the murder Holthouse planned became the murder he wrote. In a remarkable newspaper article, he divulged the chilling details of his intent to kill, but not his would-be victim’s name. And he arranged a different kind of meeting with his attacker. Instead of shooting the man—who apologized—David Holthouse forgave him, choosing redemption over revenge.
His story has become an oft-sited primer about the power of forgiveness, but some readers say Holthouse did the wrong thing by not naming his assailant, saying that statistically the man is likely to abuse other children. “The victim is WRONG! He should have revealed the rapist’s name,” wrote one critic. “He condemned untold others to being victims of sexual crimes!”
Tell us what you think: Should David Holthouse have responded differently? Would it have been more responsible to reveal his abuser’s name?
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Maybe it is luck ...
Maybe it is luck that I came to this site. Maybe it is fate. My family is being torn apart over the theft of an extensive estate following my father’s death. The pain of this process for the past two years is unbearable. I am plotting revenge. The perpetrators hurt me and my family members to steal my father’s money and business. They psychologically abused a man dying of cancer to affect their evil objectives. Like Holthous my planning is detailed. Unlike Holthous, I am a professional soldier whose skills were perfected in battle. So, killing is easy for me. But, the morale issues confuse me. Yes, these people are evil. They hurt and continue to hurt my family members. So, I ask myself, and now the readers here, is Murder every justified? I seek revenge for what they have done. I understand the Christian way is to forgive. But, my Sicilian genes scream out for a Sicilian solution. If I act, no doubt I will be successful, but I will leave behind a wife and son.
When families are harmed, and justice is either inadequate or non-existent, do we just look the other way? Why can’t we extract justice to end the pain?
Anonymous | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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He should have forgave
i feel that he did the right thing by letting david apogloize because in the end that’s all people really need is to just here people say they are sorry and he should have told because it could have been dealt with the by the law and i could defenilty can understand where he was coming from
superwoman | 4 months, 3 weeks ago
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forgiveness?
I was also sexually assaulted and was also married to someone accused of doing the same to a family member of mine. Forgiveness? I’m not there yet even after all these years. Murder has never crossed my mind, as I believe the day will come when he they pay for their crimes. However, I think there might be a law against accusing someone that has not been tried and convicted in a newspaper. Correct me if I’m wrong though cause I’m not sure. If this man did this, he will pay for it in the end. I would definitely consider other courses of action if he can not see his way past this. Journal writing is what I do as well and God help these people if they ever had to read the anger in my journals. One tip a therapist gave me was instead of simply writing in a diary, write a letter directly to the person with name and all and then you choose what you do with it. I’m glad this person was not killed by the hands of the victim here because it would be a shame for him to spend the rest of his life in prison for being the victim of a violent crime. Use what you have been through to help others. Maybe instead of newspaper articles…write a BOOK!
Elizabeth Myers | 3 months, 1 week ago
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Ms.
I’ve read David’s story and can’t say yea or nay he did the right thing by not naming his assailant and chose to forgive him instead of murdering him as he had planned. I guess once he actually confronted the man several years later, his true feelings surfaced about the past injury he had suffered and the impact it had had on his overall life was lessened. Who knows why David forgave this man; maybe he hated him for walking out on him after he had seduced him into an act of intimacy at such an impressionable age and he was seeking closure of this chapter of his life to end the recurring memory. One more thing, if this man had turned out to be a repeat offender, David most certainly would have found out and then he would not be writing about a murder but rather he would have committed one. “All’s well that ends well”.
Joan-Arthur Commissiong nee Salfarlie | 2 months, 3 weeks ago
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a responsibility
Unfortunately, what we should do and we do is often not the same. It is great that he could forgive. In my opinion, by not naming his assailant, he is possibly letting others face the same fate, that is incredibly selfish and irresponsible.
ami low | 2 months, 3 weeks ago
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Probable not just possible
Based on the history of the crime of child molestation it is not just POSSIBLE that others will face the same fate it is almost a certainty that the offender will reoffend until he is caught, tried, and incarcerated.
U. S. Army (Military Police (ret))
chuck | 2 months, 1 week ago
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what i think he should have done in a situation li
Hello my name is Talitha i am here to tell you that i know people that are like that. Who have had experiences like that and have had a hard time telling someone or anyone about this dier emergancy that could mess up a persons life for the rest of their life. but if i were in your shoes what i would do is speak to a therapist or maybe even a conserlor but even if you could not turn to one of those individuals then it is always and always will be someone close enough in your family to be able to talk to and explain just how you feel that will understand you even if family or friends didn’t then i know that it was a close girlfriend they masy not be able to tell you what you would like to hear but they can keep you from doing stupid things or maybe even thinking stupid things you just have to be open and let someone know sometimes and await the results!!!!
Talitha McFadden | 2 months, 1 week ago
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sirtfs
David should forgive him. That is his acceptance of what happened, and also what kind of man raped him. David should also report the name to the police, by doing so the police may be able to link to other victims of the same criminal. Society has taken on a warped viewpoint of what forgiveness should be.
I too am a victim of sexual abuse. I do forive my abuser, he is sick and needed help. I accept what happened, the memory lessons in time. I also removed myself, with the help of friends from the church/ enviroment. And yes I did report it. The church wasn’t too happy, but police had other cases linked to a very sick man.
Thomas F. Smith | 1 month ago
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