Mad Mom? Throwing the Kids Out of the Car
Going viral after going ballistic wasn’t on Madlyn Primoff’s mommy-do list.
But the story of the fed-up New York lawyer/mother who kicked her bickering daughters out of the car and onto the curb of a suburban street spread faster than flu, as parents around the world weighed in on whether the action was irresponsible—or irresistible.
“They had it coming. Give her a medal,” was typical of comments in support of Primoff, whose 12-year-old daughter managed to get back in the car, while her 10-year-old—in tears—was picked up by a stranger who bought her ice cream before calling the cops.
The family was three miles from home when Primoff made good on one of parenting’s most oft-repeated threats: Stop fighting or I’ll stop the car! “As a responsible parent, she gave her children a choice,” said another supporter, “and when they ignored her, she followed thru. I say good job!”
But the police said You’re under arrest. Primoff was jailed overnight and charged with endangering the welfare of a minor, an action many supported in online comments. “If the girls were acting up, then punish them when they get home,” wrote one. “You do not leave a child on the side of the road alone. Ever.” Another said, “It’s our job as parents to protect our children…Maybe she should put herself in time-out next time she has a mommy meltdown.”
There’s something larger going on, argued a prominent mom-blogger, who saw Primoff’s actions as a “mommy misdemeanor” and cautioned that her story “should not result in a free-for-all vilification of a mother-gone-bad.” Primoff made a bad choice, she continued, “but should she be condemned to wear a scarlet M? I’m not interested in judging her. I’m more interested in hoping that the public scrutiny fixated upon her will further expose motherhood for the truly complex job that it is.”
Tell us what you think: Were Madlyn Primoff’s actions irresponsible, irresistible, or something else? A “mommy misdemeanor” or a “mommy felony?” Does her right to decide how to deal with her squabbling kids have to conflict with the law?
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The only mistake she made was.... Not leaving the
It is legal to leave a 12 year old alone in the state of New York, though it is not advised they be responsible for others; it doesn’t say it is not legal for them to be. So from my point of view the only mistake she made was not making the 12 ear old get back out of the car. I would much rather have a person remove children and make them walk than to have that parent be distracted and hit me head on or something. The children should be talked to by the juvenile division as their actions were criminal as well, and they probably now have the idea if mom or dad punish me in a way I don’t like all I have to do is cry and have someone call the cops on them. Shame on the 10 year old for going with a stranger; they are old enough to know better.
Anggie | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Sidewalks?
Shouldn’t we consider our neighborhoods safe enough for 10 and 12 year old children to walk home?
Lugh Komesaruk | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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retired bank owner
A lot of parents don’t have the luxury of affording transportation for school-age kids (school, malls, extra curricular activities, etc) because the failure of our governments and businesses have forced both parents to work. This detail-less article does not give the time of day when this episode took place so we aren’t able to give our full suggestions as to remedy, or right from wrong, but it is clear that Mom did in fact endanger the 10 year old’s life. A stranger picked her up and bought ice cream, then called the cops. This was the correct thing to do, call the cops, dropping the girl off was not. Mom needs to sort out her remedies in the future in order to deal with this particular problem. She’s lucky she got her child back alive or at all as CPS & child abusers could have had it their way with the10 year old. If Mom needs help raising her kids then she should seek that help, but if Mom is at issue with other problems and letting those problems get to her that she is taking it out on her kids or not, but just not making the right calls on how to handle normal girls etc, then she needs to address these specific personal and/or professional matters elsewhere, not out on the road.
peter giannini | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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No judgment
I think what she did was appropriate at first. Leaving the 10 year old on the side of the road was not a wise idea, though. I’ve done it but made them jog home. I’ve waited until we are fairly close to home to do so, and I trail them. I will not allow them to go it alone. Too much left to chance with strangers. But overall, I understand the anger, and feeling of “what do I do now?” feeling. Everyone should back off, take a look at themselves as parents, and honestly look inside for understanding, and back off. For those that do not have children should not comment, because they have no frame of reference!
Steph | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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I'm stopping this car!
Look I am not going to judge this woman, honestly, it is no joke being a parent, is she a single mother? Who knows what was going on for this mom, as a mother to a child who likes to question everything you tell him to do it can get to you.
I believe this mother loves her children but just could not take the constant bickering she did not kill her child she just said get out. I’ll never forget not long ago we were close to our neighborhood park and I let my son out in the park because he was being disrespectful to the point it was just too much after that he has been a better child.
Sometime we judge people who are not abusive they just need some help. Especially single mothers, they go thru a lot I hope this mother is doing fine. I know how hard it can be although I’m married, the children are with the mom most each day so a lot of weight falls on mom.
marvetta enge | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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World Awareness
It was a moment of mommy frustration and meltdown. Sometimes you have to have an example set in front of you to learn from it. I’m sure the Mom and the daughters both learned a lesson. I remember a time when my sister, brother and I were shopping with our Mother. Her golden rule, stay with her, keep up with her. Albeit, times were different then. My sister strayed from us. Mom looked for her for a short period of time (we were in a store in what today is called a strip mall) So the 3 of us went to the car and got in and my Mom drove off. Actually she just moved from the parking space to another a couple of rows over so that she could see the empty spot she just left and the front door of the store. When my sister came out and saw the car was gone she was shocked and I’m sure afraid. My mother let her stand there for a few minutes and then pulled up to the curb and told her to get in. My sister was the oldest so I guess probably about 10 years old. You can bet she never had a problem again with any of us losing sight of her while on a shopping trip!
CK Francis | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Never
I would never do that to my children. I don’t care if they were bickering when I asked them to stop. My thoughts on parenting is that you don’t do what is convenient for you, you put your kids first. If the bickering was bothering her enough that she made them get out of the car, whose convenience was she thinking of? Sure, she felt she needed to discipline them, but that was wrong wrong wrong! A STRANGER picked her daughter up.
Can you imagine what would have happened if that stranger was not a good Samaritan? I shudder to think of any parent putting their child in danger like that.
acoatu | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Go Mom
I can’t understand the issue here. The NY State Department of Education wouldn’t have provided busing for the girls so why should Mom. Were the police trying to say that rich kids aren’t supposed to be treated like poor kids? Seems rather hypocritical on the part of the police.
From the NY State Dept of Education:
Education Law section 3635 authorizes school districts to provide pupil transportation services to distance eligible resident pupils. It provides that school districts transport pupils to both public and nonpublic schools and provides a minimum eligibility distance of two miles for k through 8th grade and 3 miles for 9 through 12th grades. Education Law 3602 (7) provides for the payment of transportation aid for pupil transported 1.5 miles out to a maximum distance of 15 miles from their home to the school they attend.
Thomas Rood | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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USA
Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this issue, so thanks for posting. I’ll definitely be coming back to your site.
AndrewBoldman | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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concerned parent
I agree with many of the comments mentioned about this story. I believe we need to turn always to the Lord for guidance when we don’t know what to do or how to handle difficult situations. The Lord makes a difference. One time my granddaughter was being difficult so we stopped the car and waited until she calmed down. I couldn’t just stop the car and leave her.
Mary Russell | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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