Mad Mom? Throwing the Kids Out of the Car
Going viral after going ballistic wasn’t on Madlyn Primoff’s mommy-do list.
But the story of the fed-up New York lawyer/mother who kicked her bickering daughters out of the car and onto the curb of a suburban street spread faster than flu, as parents around the world weighed in on whether the action was irresponsible—or irresistible.
“They had it coming. Give her a medal,” was typical of comments in support of Primoff, whose 12-year-old daughter managed to get back in the car, while her 10-year-old—in tears—was picked up by a stranger who bought her ice cream before calling the cops.
The family was three miles from home when Primoff made good on one of parenting’s most oft-repeated threats: Stop fighting or I’ll stop the car! “As a responsible parent, she gave her children a choice,” said another supporter, “and when they ignored her, she followed thru. I say good job!”
But the police said You’re under arrest. Primoff was jailed overnight and charged with endangering the welfare of a minor, an action many supported in online comments. “If the girls were acting up, then punish them when they get home,” wrote one. “You do not leave a child on the side of the road alone. Ever.” Another said, “It’s our job as parents to protect our children…Maybe she should put herself in time-out next time she has a mommy meltdown.”
There’s something larger going on, argued a prominent mom-blogger, who saw Primoff’s actions as a “mommy misdemeanor” and cautioned that her story “should not result in a free-for-all vilification of a mother-gone-bad.” Primoff made a bad choice, she continued, “but should she be condemned to wear a scarlet M? I’m not interested in judging her. I’m more interested in hoping that the public scrutiny fixated upon her will further expose motherhood for the truly complex job that it is.”
Tell us what you think: Were Madlyn Primoff’s actions irresponsible, irresistible, or something else? A “mommy misdemeanor” or a “mommy felony?” Does her right to decide how to deal with her squabbling kids have to conflict with the law?
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Yes, Mom was irresponsible!!!
The fact that the 10-year-old was picked by a “stranger” scares me to death. No matter how mad you are, you must think about your actions and the consequences of your decisions. That child probably had greater odds of being hurt or molested than being bought ice cream. This mom should feel very lucky that no harm came to her child at the hands of a stranger. The only harm that came to this child was at the hands of her own mother. Something is very wrong with this at so many different levels!
Carol | 8 months, 3 weeks ago
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School Bus Driver
I agree with you. Telling a child you are going to do something and then not follow through sends mixed messages. Whether the message is a positive or negative one. The same way you would tell a child that you are taking them somewhere special and then not do it…..tells a child that they cannot believe your word. If you tell a child that they will reap a certain punishment and not follow through tells them that there is no reason to believe your word is good also. I wish this mom hadn’t let her girls get to her so bad. Had she just pulled over and sat and cooled off waiting until she could talk to them rationally she may have gotten a lot farther with them. Then she would not have faced being arrested and the embarrassment that comes with it. Driving a school bus takes a lot of patience. I just pull over and sit quietly and the kids figure out that we aren’t moving until everyone quiets down. It doesn’t take them too long. I’ve gotten their attention without yelling or threatening them. If it continues and I have to pull over again, I tell them that we will return to the school and call all of the parents to come pick them up and that I’m sure their parents would not be happy about having to do that. It is dangerous enough without the added noise or misbehaving. We also play games or sing while traveling from school to home. Kids will push you, but as parents and adults we need to make sure they know that we are in control and certain behavior is unacceptable – whether it is theirs or ours.
Susan Hannah | 8 months, 3 weeks ago
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Mother of 7
I definitely think she did the right thing by pulling over. My concern though is leaving a 10 year old alone. The results: a stranger picked her up. Thank goodness this was a caring adult INSTEAD of a sexual predator! We can never be too careful and leaving your child alone 3 miles from home was a poor choice. I believe the entire family learned a very valuable lesson here. Kids must learn to respect parents and authority and each situation is different but we must always consider the safety of our children no matter how angry we are. I hope this family finds some way to be able to cope with negative behavior in a positive way so that all are safe and this family isn’t torn apart by child protective services.
gail holladay | 8 months, 2 weeks ago
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Scary but understandable
I can see how this mom would feel the need to let her kids out of the car after probably feeling so overwhelmed with I’m sure many things. Parents frequently are; when we are single, married, working and trying to do our best to care for our family. I think any mother or even father could put themselves in this woman’s shoes. However, I think that she definitely should have gone back for the other daughter after some time, what if she was kidnapped, murdered or raped? Then what? This day and age we must go to even further lengths to protest our children. There are lots of sick people in this world. In a moment of anger and being fed up, it is definitely understandable to me why this mother did what she did by throwing the girls out of the car, but she should have definitely went around the block or just down the street to scare her, not to abandon her in enough time for someone else to have the opportunity to come along and pick her up! This is the part of parenting where we learn to be better parents… we learn from our mistakes. We have no instruction booklet and it is the most challenging job above any, being a parent. We need to be more supportive as parents and community members rather than judgmental. Everyone is different in their approach, but we as parents are always open to trying or doing something new as long as it works!
Elizabeth Catania | 8 months, 2 weeks ago
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Just wrong
There are many ways in which you can handle issues like this with you children and throwing them out of the car teaches them what lesson? None. I do not agree with the minor children, but who’s the adult here?
Courtney Burns | 8 months, 1 week ago
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She cannot justify her actions
I’ve raised two daughters and I know how tense things can get, but frankly there is no excuse for her actions. None. If her daughters were young adults in college and behaving this way then she would be justified, but kicking a 12 and 10 year old out of the car indicates that her behavior was more out of control than both of the children. There is absolutely no excuse. We’ve all had mommy-melt downs but this was a bit over the top.
Lisa | 8 months, 1 week ago
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The line needs to be drawn somewhere
The line needs to be drawn somewhere and she drew it. Obey means do as you are told. To \obey biblically is to do what you are told with a good attitude.
The children were told to do something and they didn’t obey, so they ought to pay the consequences. I believe that parents ought to be able to discipline their children appropriately, as God would have them do.
She (the mother) drew the line and the children disobeyed. We live in a backwards society, where if the parents discipline their children, they (the parents) go to jail for child abuse. Now maybe that may not of been an ideal way to discipline, however the line needed to be drawn & the children were given a choice, which put themselves in that insecure situation.
I believe a lot of it is the fault of society and how they’ve told the children they do not need to obey their parents. And so it is assumed by the children: that they do not have to obey, nor give the parent(s) honor or respect to their parents. Biblically, speaking the children is a heritage of the lords and the children are given parents, so they’d teach the children the difference between right and wrong.
The child raised with today’s society/world’s rules/laws, will rebel and soon, it will not be a mental bull-dozer that runs the parents over, but a physical one. It is no wonder that children are killing their parents: for they are taught by society to disrespect them.
I’ve all too often seen where some of these rules/laws lead, in regards to allowing your child to have everything and do anything they want. I’ve seen children who have no guidance, no rules, hit their parents in the store and the parent(s) just sit there and take it. What next, a gun to the parents head?
I’m glad that I do not have a child in today’s world/society, for I wouldn’t want my child corrupted by the government’s rules/laws, etc; that claim that discipline is abuse.
Cyndi Waldmann | 8 months, 1 week ago
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dear susan cowan
Referring to your letter to You Go Moms,
I am new to this forum and new to this whole blogging thing in general, so I hate that I may be setting my fate here before I even begin, but I have to admit that I am so incredibly tired of people like you who sound so self righteous and pious about how the way you raise your kids and that you think your ways are so much better. Besides I don’t buy any of it. Do you realize how incredibly “Brady Bunch” you sound? I have 5 kids of my own and have tried all the methods; your way just doesn’t work, sorry. Not if you really want kids that learn respect and self discipline and consequences. At least it hasn’t worked for me or any of the people I ever see around me who use that method. Maybe you’re one of the few who has the magic potion, so I shouldn’t be so harsh, but in general, I wouldn’t lecture to people to use a method that so obviously doesn’t work for people in the real world.
julie walker | 8 months ago
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Officer
The fact that she let them out of the car in the city is dangerous and definitely qualifies as endangering the child. If she is capable of this on the city streets, who knows what else may be going on in the home! She deserves what she got and more. Anger management would seem appropriate. I wonder what the other contributors and the world press would have to say if this had been a man. Would they have reacted any differently?
Rolando D Castenelli | 8 months ago
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Parenting skills
I would have to agree with Stephen R.: if she didn’t endanger her kids by letting them out in a dangerous neighborhood then what’s the problem. I’ve worked with kids in the pass. Kids will test you and see how much they can get away with. If you keep warning them but never take action then your words are meaningless to the child and he/she/ they will continue misbehaving. But if the parent takes action then that will definitely get the kid’s attention and makes the child rethink the error of their ways.
Also, I’m a parent of two grown children. I’ve observed both of my children interacting with their children and see some of the parenting techniques I’ve used on them being utilized by my children on their children.
Alan Yamauchi | 8 months ago
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