Mad Mom? Throwing the Kids Out of the Car
Going viral after going ballistic wasn’t on Madlyn Primoff’s mommy-do list.
But the story of the fed-up New York lawyer/mother who kicked her bickering daughters out of the car and onto the curb of a suburban street spread faster than flu, as parents around the world weighed in on whether the action was irresponsible—or irresistible.
“They had it coming. Give her a medal,” was typical of comments in support of Primoff, whose 12-year-old daughter managed to get back in the car, while her 10-year-old—in tears—was picked up by a stranger who bought her ice cream before calling the cops.
The family was three miles from home when Primoff made good on one of parenting’s most oft-repeated threats: Stop fighting or I’ll stop the car! “As a responsible parent, she gave her children a choice,” said another supporter, “and when they ignored her, she followed thru. I say good job!”
But the police said You’re under arrest. Primoff was jailed overnight and charged with endangering the welfare of a minor, an action many supported in online comments. “If the girls were acting up, then punish them when they get home,” wrote one. “You do not leave a child on the side of the road alone. Ever.” Another said, “It’s our job as parents to protect our children…Maybe she should put herself in time-out next time she has a mommy meltdown.”
There’s something larger going on, argued a prominent mom-blogger, who saw Primoff’s actions as a “mommy misdemeanor” and cautioned that her story “should not result in a free-for-all vilification of a mother-gone-bad.” Primoff made a bad choice, she continued, “but should she be condemned to wear a scarlet M? I’m not interested in judging her. I’m more interested in hoping that the public scrutiny fixated upon her will further expose motherhood for the truly complex job that it is.”
Tell us what you think: Were Madlyn Primoff’s actions irresponsible, irresistible, or something else? A “mommy misdemeanor” or a “mommy felony?” Does her right to decide how to deal with her squabbling kids have to conflict with the law?
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Mad Mom?
Just another thought – She could have truly made good on her threat. Stop the car,and sit there until they stopped their bickering. She could have even gotten out of the car herself, for a few minutes to gather her thoughts as to what the next step would be. But then, we can all guess at how she could have better handled the situation. Then again she is a lawyer, right? she knew the law.
Susan Cowan | 10 months ago
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Dear - M.S.
I absolutely 100% agree with you. Wonderful resolution to the problem.
Susan Cowan | 10 months ago
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More comment in favor
As a father of three and grandfather of six, I have been in the same situation. When my son was six, he was being particularly annoying in the back seat when his Mom told him to put his seat belt back on. He jumped up into her face, yelling at her. She put her hand on his chest and forced him into the seat, again telling him to put his seat belt back on and be quiet. He bounced back up and hit her on the forehead with the butt of his hand. I was going about 60 mph down the Interstate, when I hit the brakes, crossed to the outside shoulder and stopped the vehicle. I yanked him over the seat and, holding him at eye level, spanked him on the side of the road. All the while, cars were passing and I fully expected some liberal to call the police. He has never laid his hands on another female to my knowledge. He is twenty-seven. I’d do it again, even if I knew that I’d be jailed. Parents have a right to raise their children as they see fit as long as they don’t abuse them. A large part of our society’s problems are that people don’t keep a guiding hand on their kids, today.
Terry Byrd | 10 months ago
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How I feel about this.......
I don’t agree with turning the kids on the street like that, but I would have stopped the car for safety reasons. I would have then gotten out myself temporarily and called a relative if possible so that I could take them to a relative’s house and take an hour and go to a coffee shop and think about a good scenario for grounding the kids and making them do a few extra chores.
The only sympathy I have for this mom is the fact that the kids were acting up in the car to where the mom could have had an accident. I do not agree with letting a child go on a busy street where they could get mugged, raped, or God forbid, anything worse.
You might call me middle of the road. I believe in things like some consequence learning (within safe limits), time outs and if the behavior is extreme, a mild spanking.
Catherine Horn | 10 months ago
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90008
please dont treat your kids like that
cynthia hernandez | 10 months ago
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Searching
Hi, Everyone:
There are so many things going on that remind me of a newsletter I once received from The American Institute For Economic Research titled: “How Do We Know We Know Anything”? We often search for “ALL” the answers, when quite often we’re really only increasing our learning curve. There are so many sides taken regards this story that how do we absolutely know everything about how this should be handled and maybe we really don’t know/understand, until circumstances place us in the center of the conflict and then probably by hindsight? Thank God everyone is safe and sound; in order to learn another lesson as best we can as this short life unfolds. There is more to be said but let’s give this some thought first, as we continue to learn from this lady’s experience regarding her daughters and other lessons beyond.
CHEERS,
RUSS
Calif.
Russ Smith | 10 months ago
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Happily retired
As a mother, step-mother, grandmother, and former Girl and Boy Scout Leader, I have stopped the car many times. However, kicking them out of the car in anger was not good judgment. I do understand the frustration and the temptation she felt. In addition, squabbling kids in a car are a dangerous distraction. I’ve been there many times and I found a tension breaking solution.
Calmly pull the car over in a safe area (parking lot, curb, etc), stop, turn off the engine and sit quietly (doing everything you can to stay calm!) without saying a word. When you have their attention (believe me, you will have all their attention!), calmly explain how dangerous a distraction they were and you don’t want have an accident. Then ask them if they are ready to sit quietly while you drive. I rarely had to repeat this action on any given trip, but keep in mind: they are young; they will forget; and they won’t appreciate you and all you do until they have children of their own. At which time you are allowed to laugh hysterically before you give advice. And never, never say I told you so!
Carol Ruby | 10 months ago
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Yes and no...
I understand her desire to punish the girls but; unless she was in a neighborhood where she absolutely without a shadow of doubt, knew that the child could find her way home without being abducted by a stranger, raped, murdered, and her tiny body left dumped on the side of the road somewhere to rot; then she should have punished the child when they arrived home.
One moment of anger, almost cost her an eternity of anguish.
dail f melton | 10 months ago
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Out of Sight
When these situations receive the full view of the media, it is easy to jump to a clear judgment with a public trial. I tend to hesitate, knowing I don’t have all the facts. Based on what I am reading it is clear that a child could be endangered by simply driving off. However, what is going on behind this incident? Was the mother feeling ill, just laid off, or simply not up to managing all the balls in the air that day? Were the kids feeling they were not getting attention, always act like this, or simply hungry? Everyone has a breaking point and the trick is to have tools, so as mothers, we don’t reach these extremes, but sometimes that perfect storm comes together and extremes happen to good people. I can only imagine the emotional mess of the mother and the girls after this meltdown and the ensuing events.
Therefore, let this story serve as a lesson to us to have a backup plan of who to call or what to do if we are about to emotionally crash. A go to person we can call or show-up unannounced to gain perspective, vent or have a private moment. Sometimes we just have to take a few of the balls in the air away and let it go, breathe, and move on. This is hard to do if you have not given yourself permission ahead of time to scale back at a moments notice. As parents we have enormous pressure to do it all. At the end of the day it is only our choices that define us and indicate where our priorities are. There are unavoidable tough choices for all of us to achieve that elusive “Balance” factor in life.
In the process of protecting our children above all else and taking responsibility for our real priorities and choices as parents, I think we must also be gentle enough and wise enough to give ourselves permission to do things differently. Simplify our environment, ask for help or give help when someone clearly is cracking, and learn to set clear parameters for our kids to feel safe and bump up against as they grow. It is a profound opportunity to extend a hand when everyone else is throwing a stone.
MJ Saavedra | 10 months ago
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Discipline Problem
I agree with some of the comments made here, she did follow through on her discipline and I think that is what most parents don’t do. But she missed the golden rule, never make a statement that you are not able to (or should) follow through on. How many times have we said things to our kids we don’t mean hoping the shock of the comment will set them straight? But kids are smarter than we give them credit for and they see through us. They have learned from living with us for years that we are mostly talk and little action. If they just sit through our tirade then they can go back to cell phones, playing video games, or whatever it is they want to do.
This story also illustrates what I believe is the biggest problem with our families today; we let our children get away with so much. A little bit here and there, and all the while we are telling ourselves to pick our battles. Meanwhile we are getting closer and closer to our boiling point. Then one small misstep and we overreact. We should stop this behavior from the first time it shows up and not allow our children to abuse anyone, and that includes siblings and parents. Children are unformed, and if parents don’t form them properly then the world will. Bosses. Police officers. Judges. Or we might blow our top at the wrong time and put our kids in danger, just like this story shows.
Eric Stenstrom | 10 months ago
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