Having a Third Child
Pamela Paul wants a third child.
Writing in the Washington Post about her desire to have a “sprawling” family like the one she grew up in—“with seven brothers, real and step”—Paul mused about the high cost of raising a child these days: $204,060 according to a new federal estimate.
In many expensive American cities and suburbs, Paul noted, a third child has become “an ostentatious display of good fortune,” on behalf of the decreasing number of parents who can afford to feed, clothe, and educate the “luxury good” known as baby number three.
But while Paul considered the economic impact of having a third child, some irate readers excoriated her about what they say is the environmental impact of a bigger family.
“The oceans are dying, the oil is almost gone,” wrote one reader. “Large families are criminally irresponsible in such a desperate time.”
“More than two kids per couple means you are not just replacing yourself on the planet,” wrote another. “You are claiming more of the Earth’s resources for your family simply because it will be ‘fun.’”
Selfish…stupid…killing the planet with your overproduction of children. The baby shower of criticism stunned Paul, who wondered in a follow-up article why she—who viewed herself as a responsible mother who recycled, conserved water, and didn’t even have a car—was being accused of “destroying” another mother: Earth. “Golly,” Paul wrote. “I’m not even pregnant yet.”
“The days of big families should be over,” responded a critic. “Get a dog from an animal shelter instead.”
Tell us what you think: Do you believe that having a third child brings the pitter-patter of little feet, or the destructive carbon footprint of the future? When it comes to having more children, is three an irresponsible crowd?
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The refrigerator's hum
I grew up as an only child living with my aunt (whom I called mom), grandmother and father after my 20-yr old mother flew the coop (I was merely a toddler). Attending Catholic school in a very Irish-Italian-German neighborhood where the average family was three or four and hearing classmates commenting about siblings and teachers reminiscing about siblings made me extremely singled out. I didn’t enjoy coming home to a house where I could hear the hum of my refrigerator, while my grandmother either watched her novellas or read celebrity Spanish magazines.
Selfishly speaking, I am now relishing in my third (planned) pregnancy, while enjoying the noise, mess and chaos of my precocious little girls. The company that they provide one another is priceless. Sure we do the best to recycle, save money and by no means are we rich. We know that tough financial times are ahead, but having that third child is an expression of what we lacked as children (my husband is an only child as well). My eyes well up in tears of joy, disbelief and gratitude when I look at the family that I have now. This is far beyond anything I have ever imagined. Call it selfish, eco-hostile, extravagant, you name it. But to be rest assured that someday, when my husband and I are gone, they will have someone to turn to in times of need. Their newborns will have biological godmothers when they are baptized. Nothing else matters to me. Like I said to my husband before conceiving number one, “think it through, because I am NOT raising an only child! Better to be child free.”
Zbaby | 1 year, 7 months ago
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i agree with phillipa
I agree with Phillipa. Just because other people are not environmentally friendly doesn’t give you an excuse to have a large amount of kids. I also agree with the vegetarian thing. I just
sadlydon’t have the willpower to be vegetarian. I don’t understand why people can’t recycle, use public transportation, etc. and have only one kid. I have no problem with abortion, if a kid has no memories or consciousness, it isn’t a human being. If the baby is unwanted then killing it isn’t hurting anyone. The environmental- carbon footprint- isn’t the only issue. Its just irresponsible to have a lot of kids. One is enough! you shouldn’t have a lot of kids unless you work on a farm… It’s pretty obvious that an only child will turn out better; more personal time with parents; more money for braces, college; if your worried about your kid’s social skills then make sure they have friends; if you have 4 kids- can you always spend time with them? How often do you have to work? Do you have time for yourself? Can you remember every child’s name?? Seriously, if you have 5 kid’s do you know there hobbies? Likes and dislikes? What they want to be when the grow up? Is one of them a druggie and you don’t even know it? is one of them failing science class? Is one of them suicidal because they feel alone and have no parents to realize they need help? Come on, if you have a lot of kids then you’re either a stupid person or a secretly selfish person.I don’t agree with in vitro, just adopt for god’s sake! I’m a 14 year old and I’ve figured this stuff out. Why hasn’t everybody?
Dustin Sherwood | 1 year, 7 months ago
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I am the youngest of nine children. My father died when I was 2 and my mother raised us all by herself. She now has 34 grand children and she knows each ones name, hobbies, favorite books, and foods not to mention all her own children’s likes and dislikes. She worked her tail off teaching us about God, how to take care of the earth, and live healthy happy lives. I’m 21 years old and married with a newborn baby girl, and I will continue in my mothers footsteps. If anyone thinks this is irresponsible please tell me why you think so.
Sarah | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Exceptions to every rule
It’s a wonderful she didn’t die of stress. It’s great she was able to raise you all well. What was the point in it? Are you trying to out breed intelligent people? I am absolutely confused. I still think that the majority of people could not pull it off. Give me one reason why anyone would NEED that many kids. World is over populated and it will level off someday. But what will level it off? Disease? Starvation? Just plain running out of room? What about the world as it is? National parks, rainforests, etc. Or are you one of those people who believe in an apocalypse? I don’t understand the point.
Dustin Sherwood | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Another question
With that many kids, did you guys eat macaroni and cheese for dinner every night? How about peanut butter jelly sandwiches for every meal? I’m sure your diet was as healthy and varied as orphanages daily rations. I still don’t see why you NEED that many kids. I keep hearing reasons for why people shouldn’t or about how it’s not that bad. I just don’t see why you would even want to have that many kids. Let alone see the purpose.
Dustin Sherwood | 1 year, 7 months ago
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well at the age of 14 you really no room to talk. I happen to know everything there is to know about my 4 kids. i know their names, Ii know what they like and dislike and i know where they are all at at every second of every day. Maybe you have see irresponsible parenting in your life, but there I don’t think I would want to go back and grow up all alone. A child needs humans their own age around, it really helps. My four children have their very best of friends at home with them thus i have no worries where they are at, and what they are doing , I manage to work a 40 hour work week and still have time to go home and spend with them and catch up on their day. That is why we work when they are in school and we are at home with them when they get out, or very shortly after. My kids don’t go without my time and they are very conservative in what they do and what they see.
Anna | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Impersonal view
Could we look at this impersonally for just a couple minutes?
First, let’s focus on the future and not blame any poster on this board for his or her viewpoint.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau the current U.S. population exceeds 304 million. If population growth continues at the current rate, the will be more than 439 million U.S. residents by 2050.
Yes, the need for conservation must be addressed but no matter how conscientious posters on these boards are, they cannot parent every child in the nation.
Cecily | 1 year, 7 months ago
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It's about choices
I had three children. I tell folks I had to change husbands to get the girl I always wanted! When my 2nd hubby and I were first married, he said he wanted six kids. I told him, fine, I’ve had the first three, go nuts. He changed his mind.
We were poor. No, we were DIRT poor. Our combined income the first year of marriage was $9000. At no time in our lives did we hold less than one job apiece, usually two. We raised our kids to believe in themselves, to rely on each other, to educate themselves, and to be a thinking, responsive participant in the world around them. We eschewed Welfare and grew a garden, harvested and canned produce, and raised our own chickens. We had our own backyard weather station that we built. We went to museums and spelunking, and camping, on our vacations.
Now all adults, our children do not want to have children. and that is perfectly all right with me – I have no drive to be a doting grandmother. Our children remember what it was like to be poor, to hang out clothes, to work twice as hard as anyone to get as far. They put themselves through college while working full-time jobs. They are tough and independent, responsible and hardworking, and all want different things out of life – careers, good solid stable home environments, and enough food to eat and money to pay the bills. Hooray for them.
Hubby and I just retired to a farm, a big old farmhouse where we can invest in the things we love; organic gardening, his small engine repair shop, lots of land for cattle and chickens again. Around the corner from us is a family of seven. They are angry at us for buying this property, because they wanted it but could not afford it. Their house is much smaller and two children sleep on the porch with a space heater. Their church supplies them with enough food to last them through the end of the month… mother is a stay-at-home Mom, and dad holds one job.
My point is simply this – as long as you are aware of the consequences of the choices you make, and are willing to accept them, then have as many children as you can support. It isn’t anyone else’s business if you have twenty or twelve or two or none. Your choices are your responsibility.
I am so tired of hearing about people being responsible for everything from global warming to carbon footprints. When will folks stop talking as if a “consensus of opinion” were real factual, provable science? Scientists who prate about global warming can’t explain a sudden cooling spike in the eighties, but everyone with common sense can – Mt St Helens erupted, which caused ash to be deposited in the upper atmosphere and caused global temperatures to cool the following year. There are more things causing the changes in the earth’s temperature than the human occupancy – and many of those are uncontrollable by man. To blindly point fingers at parents and say that they are the cause is as foolish as saying that Al Gore invented the Internet. We are in the end of a mini-Ice-Age – and there isn’t anything that the Mormon with 12 kids in Utah can do about that.
As long as a parent is fully cognizant of the expenses, problems, joys and sorrows that having another child (and another, and another!) bring, it is no one else’s business. Mind your own business.
Bea Jones | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Lots of two or fewers
When demographers calculate fertility rates, they usually consider only biological children.
In 2004 the Census Bureau ran a side-study of women 40-44 years old (therefore most would have completed childbearing,)
Slightly more than 71% had given birth to two or fewer children (including zero).
That’s a big voting block.
Cecily | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Thank you.
I now have a slight bit of faith in human kind. Thank you Cecily for showing that not everyone in the world is absolutely dense.
Dustin Sherwood | 1 year, 7 months ago
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