Good Parenting or Bad Spying?
Monitoring.
Blocking.
Filtering.
Tracking.
Parenting these days includes an arsenal of tools to find out what kids are up to online, on the street, on the phone, and everywhere else in between. Some say it’s about safety. Others say it’s about spying. And many question the boundaries of parental responsibility.
But should parenting go to the dogs?
Absolutely, according to a New Jersey-based company called Sniff Dogs. For $200 an hour, parents can rent a specially-trained Labrador Retriever that sniffs for drugs in their kids’ bedrooms. Heroin, crystal meth, cocaine. The dogs can even smell a marijuana seed from 15 feet away, as well as the lingering scent of the drug smoked days earlier. If contraband is detected, the pooch sits down, his handler marks the spot, and the parents take over the search from there.
The key, according to Sniff Dogs, is to conduct the search when children are not at home, and without their knowledge. That way, says Sniff Dogs co-owner Debra Stone, “the conversation is not, ‘Are you using drugs?’ but ‘We found the drugs.’” The stealth searches are legal, and Stone insists they don’t constitute snooping. “It’s not a violation of trust,” she said. “It’s what parents often do when monitoring other areas.”
Others disagree. “There are major repercussions for this type of intervention,” said a clinical psychologist. “When parents do this it erodes trust and goodwill.”
“As a parent, you worry,” counters a mother who hired a Sniff Dog to suss out her three kids’ rooms. Though no drugs were found, she says she’ll use the dogs again. “I trust my kids,” she said, “but you can only trust them so far.”
Tell us what you think: Is secretly using a drug-sniffing dog parental responsibility or parental snooping? Does a child’s personal safety ever justify her parents spying on her?
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Good Parent 2
My mother is a great parent and tried her best to take of all her children. And when we are in need she never hesitates to given a hand . Thanks Mother.
latoya Brown | 11 months ago
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Sniff Dogs? Heh...
Sooner or later parents will realize something that they all seem to foolishly forget when they get older. Short of locking their children in a room with no exits, they have no control over what their children do or the choices they make. All they can do is find out what they’re doing after the fact.
Kids are human beings. Not robots. You can’t “program” them to do the right thing and then they must obey. You teach them values and keep your fingers crossed that they’ll listen, but no matter how “good” your kids are, ALL kids do things their parents don’t know about and sometimes – that’s best for the parents.
You know how the saying goes. Don’t go looking for the truth. You might find it.
Think about all of the things you’ve all done that your parents didn’t know about. Now think of how many of those things actually had a negative impact on the way your life turned out. Most of them probably didn’t, but imagine how much of a strain it would have put on your relationship with your parents if they HAD known?
Parents need to pick their battles. If your kid is out there raping/killing people, shooting up so much heroin their heart stops, starving themselves to the point of being skeletal, or sleeping around for money or worse – to be liked – contracting all kinds of STDs or getting pregnant and repeatedly having abortions behind your back, be worried and intervene.
But stop trying to keep kids from doing all of the things that kids are naturally going to do and always WILL do because they’re a part of growing up, puberty, self-discovery, and developing maturity. You can’t. It’s not possible.
Kids are going to try a cigarette or try alcohol or have sex or watch ####. They’re going to go to that party with the older people you told them not to or wear that somewhat revealing outfit to school that they hid in their backpack or spray paint the wall of the school to be cool or whatever. That’s what makes them kids. That’s a part of their learning process and the way they begin to identify themselves and their OWN value systems.
You can catch them all you want, they’ll just be more careful next time.
Kids are VERY good at lying, their friends are VERY good at helping, and they’re VERY good at keeping their secrets until they turn 40. Just be happy when your child comes home happy and healthy each night.
If that’s not enough for you and you must know everything going on in their lives, fine, just be prepared for the reality that you can’t change what you discover and trying too hard to do so is probably why you had to snoop to find out anything about your child’s life to begin with.
Parents who trust their kids enough to make their own decisions and react reasonably when they make the wrong ones have better relationships with their children and know more about their children’s lives because their kids CHOOSE to come to them more than kids whose parents act like maniac wardens who tell you that you’re not intelligent enough to make your own choices and treat you like a criminal when you make a mistake.
Balance is everything.
Observer | 11 months ago
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Do any responsibe parents honestly think ...
I look at these comments and I can’t help feeling very bad for the families that decide to bring this service into their homes. Your children are individuals and deserve your respect no matter what. If these parents truly think that this will solve problems rather than create them, perhaps they need an elementary lesson human nature. When you toss aside anyone’s privacy, not to mention a stressed teenager, they are not going to react proactively. Odds are your child will be pushed farther away from you, or, you could inadvertently push them farther into the drugs; either by them trying to rebel against their “oppressive” parents, or by them just trying to get away from that kind of household.
I think huge problems could arise from using this service and I strongly recommend that you find a more understanding and PARENT-LIKE way to talk to your kids about drugs.
Trust is the best way to know what your kids are doing in my opinion and it’s your job as a parent to NOT use this service and show them that you trust them and you care. I’m not saying don’t worry about drugs; I’m saying that when the problem comes up deal with it like a family, not like a corporation.
These are just my opinions and I mean no disrespect to any parents or the company providing this service. In some situations it may be appropriate, but I feel it could be destructive to family chemistry and structure and to the children that are affected by it.
Thank you.
brian gaede | 11 months ago
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Let your kid be a kid
Let your kid be a kid. They will make their own decisions and find out what’s bad and what’s not. Simple as that.
steven | 11 months ago
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Go ahead
Here’s what I learned from my parents prying:
The nerd table is good for clean urine.
Head shops sell great detox drinks.
Pills leave the body fast.
LSD doesn’t show on a home test.
Set pass codes on everything.
The delete button is wonderful.
Visine is your best friend.
Hide nothing in your own room; be creative around the house.
Go ahead and pry but if your kids can get into drugs and have access to them, YOU LOST! I found my way around phone calls, drug tests, room searches, odors, etc. – and so will your kids.
sean wilber | 11 months ago
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Reality
Until they are independent, they still depend on you to guide them.
LEE O'STEEN | 11 months ago
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Mom
I don’t believe using a drug dog or spying on your kids if you have a gut feeling is wrong. If you find drug abuse, alcohol abuse, then aren’t the kids already breaking the “trust” issue? Parents need to be cautious these days, with teenage abductions, rape, drug use ect. It used to be we only worried about them sneaking cigarettes. Now it’s everything and more for us to worry about. It’s not wrong if you love your children.
Stephanie Miersch | 11 months ago
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444
You do what you have to do these days to teach your kids good moral and standards in this life. Bottom line a safe, loving home.
Kay | 11 months ago
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Are you an idiot...
The comments from “wow” are typical of someone who just doesn’t get it and must have quit in the 4th grade. If you are a parent then we are all in trouble to know that your little hell’s angels will be out in society someday. If you are not a parent yet then you couldn’t possible know the pain and devastation that selfishness causes. There are lots of parents that raise their kids right, have a stable home life and do all the right things and the kid decides to not only mess up their own life, but take their family on the ride as well. Parents have the right to do whatever they have to do to keep them out of trouble. From spyware on the computer to tracking devices on their cell phone and/or car. The reality is the kid better get used to the spying because I don’t know any companies out there that don’t use it to their full advantage.
Leslie Warren | 11 months ago
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For their own good
Parents are to be parents and as parents, they cannot be their childrens’ buddies. Therefore, they must sometimes spy and somehow find out what activities their children are involved in and people they are with, This must be done with or without the child’s consent. Most children are too immature to determine what is or is not necessary for sharing with their parents and some of them come under negative influence from sources outside of the home. Parents must spy and base their actions on their findings if the child is to survive and to thrive safely and the parents are to have any meaningful influence in his or her life.
Beatrice Y. Rice | 11 months ago
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