Good Parenting or Bad Spying?
Monitoring.
Blocking.
Filtering.
Tracking.
Parenting these days includes an arsenal of tools to find out what kids are up to online, on the street, on the phone, and everywhere else in between. Some say it’s about safety. Others say it’s about spying. And many question the boundaries of parental responsibility.
But should parenting go to the dogs?
Absolutely, according to a New Jersey-based company called Sniff Dogs. For $200 an hour, parents can rent a specially-trained Labrador Retriever that sniffs for drugs in their kids’ bedrooms. Heroin, crystal meth, cocaine. The dogs can even smell a marijuana seed from 15 feet away, as well as the lingering scent of the drug smoked days earlier. If contraband is detected, the pooch sits down, his handler marks the spot, and the parents take over the search from there.
The key, according to Sniff Dogs, is to conduct the search when children are not at home, and without their knowledge. That way, says Sniff Dogs co-owner Debra Stone, “the conversation is not, ‘Are you using drugs?’ but ‘We found the drugs.’” The stealth searches are legal, and Stone insists they don’t constitute snooping. “It’s not a violation of trust,” she said. “It’s what parents often do when monitoring other areas.”
Others disagree. “There are major repercussions for this type of intervention,” said a clinical psychologist. “When parents do this it erodes trust and goodwill.”
“As a parent, you worry,” counters a mother who hired a Sniff Dog to suss out her three kids’ rooms. Though no drugs were found, she says she’ll use the dogs again. “I trust my kids,” she said, “but you can only trust them so far.”
Tell us what you think: Is secretly using a drug-sniffing dog parental responsibility or parental snooping? Does a child’s personal safety ever justify her parents spying on her?
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What!!!!
Why would parents do such a thing!!!!!!! my parent wouldn’t. What is the matter with those parents, they’re just wasting their money. ummmm….Uou know there is a thing personal space!!!
Danaya Tashay Frank | 7 months ago
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Mrs
Children should start out being taught respect for self and others. That does not always happen because some parents don’t respect themselves so in return the children have no respect for self or others. As always, there are some parents who have been good parents and have raised their children right but they still go astray. I think that is peer pressure. Also, it is part of our government sticking their nose into our business and telling us how to raise our children. Now days any kind of discipline for a child is a no no. That is why we have children who are not brought right. Parents are afraid of being arrested if they ground a child or take their phone away. Not only that but their children will be taken from them and placed in foster homes. I raised two boys and they were disciplined and it did not hurt them. They were taught to respect their elders as well as their parents. They will tell you today that had they not of had discipline and structure in their life they might not be here or would be in big trouble. Abused they were not. I don’t believe in beating children. I also don’t believe in husbands and wives beating each other. Teach them and set a good example for them. A child will not do as you say but they will do as you do. So when you are getting high on pot or drunk on alcohol remember what they see you doing are what they will do. If you have a smart mouth with people and are disrespectful so will they be.
Dona Branden | 7 months ago
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Communication is best
I must say that if you’re snooping in your kid’s room and following them around, there is a much bigger problem. My oldest is an 18 yr. old daughter; freshman in college and one of the first things she told me was that the majority of the freshman acted like wild animals that had just been released from a cage for the first time. She thanked her dad and me for letting her make mistakes while at home so that we could redirect her goofs. My children aren’t perfect but I would rather them learn how to handle themselves and find better friends when they are living at home.
My children’s friends and acquaintances constantly come to our home to spend the night and amazingly I have sometimes sat up until wee hours of the morning listening to them talk about things that were shocking. I always told them that I would involve their parents if necessary but they would tell me anyway.
Communication is still the best policy!
Cynthia Glennon | 7 months ago
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i disagree.
ever hear of a kid who is so boxed in by parents who are stripping him/ her of their privacy that they get angry, and they know that their parent(s) are spying on them, what do they do? well i know that i would not go to my parents who are also spies. I have a friend who has this situation. he doesn’t like his dad because he assumes control over almost every aspect of his life. if you want to stalk your children then go ahead, I’m just saying that even doing good can have bad outcomes. don’t believe me? just look at our position in the war in iraq.
Nobody | 7 months ago
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Vulture culture
Regardless of whether this is a good parenting tactic or not, regardless of whether it is a valuable way to ensure the safety of kids and teens, this IS snooping and it IS a violation of trust, even if it is in the name of safety. To say otherwise is simply false.
Mel Til | 7 months ago
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Logically.
A kid spying on their parents is stupid. it’s not like the kid is going to find out the SSN of his dad and steal his identity or something but parents spying on kids is a different story, there is a way to avoid the spying right off the bat it’s called trust, building a bond, you are the parent, you must initiate it. Don’t spoil your kid(s) just bond with them. If the bond is strong enough, then it will have a great effect on the life of your child. But if you jump the gun and start monitoring, spying, etc, then eventually they will find out, and most if not all chances for trust will be lost. They will look at you (the parent) as a stranger, an outsider, peering in on their world. Privacy= safety even if you’re not in a bunker, if you take the privacy then u take their safety, or their idea of it. If they don’t feel safe then what happens, if they know you are spying on them, and they don’t feel safe, where do they go? Guidance counselors? Or people of their own age who they can relate too, they will take it into their own hands, and sometimes that can be spell disaster.
X variable. | 7 months ago
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Don't spy on your children
My name is Ethan, I am fourteen, and I legitimately and truly hate my father. Many people would think that this is just what most teenagers say, but I swear to you it is true. I am a prime example of what happens when parents spy.
Recently my father installed a program on my computer called “lowjack”. It is quite literally a tracking device, which will show me where my computer is, if it gets stolen. That is great and all, but what it also does, is it allows my dad to see and read every single thing I do and write on the computer. My dad confronted me one day, and told me all of my secrets. Have you ever had anyone randomly walk up to you and tell you ALL of YOUR secrets? If you have, you’ll know it is like getting the wind knocked out of you. You feel speechless and vulnerable. At that very moment, I lost all trust for that man, because he never even talked to me about my life, and I would have told him some things if he did. Instead he went straight on and took all of my secrets from me.
Some of you may relate, but many of you probably don’t know what it feels like to fear your dad coming home each night. I feel so afraid that he will use my secrets, or punish me again for them. It’s like when you were younger and everyone found out who you liked, and you got that horrible feeling in your gut. I know hate that man, I truly do. I am watched always, I feel like a bug under a microscope, and I certainly wouldn’t come to him for help or support like children should.
Many people here are saying they should spy because they worry and need to see what their children are doing, but all of this just makes me want to lash out and get back at him. Since he found out those secrets I have done many less than ideal things that I never would have done before. I am a totally different person and I can never fully trust anyone. If you can’t trust your parents who can you trust right?
I understand I’m just a kid and my opinion doesn’t matter to any of you, but everything i have said is true, and if you don’t believe me… go ahead and test it. Children can hate, parents can screw up. But if you want us to trust you, you need to trust us to do the right thing without having to do things like sniff for drugs with dogs. Before any of you do anything like my dad has, talk to your kids. I’m not saying they will open up after the first talk, but after a while real trust will be formed, as long as you are honest with them as well. I understand my voice will not be heard and what i say won’t stop you from spying on your children, but if i can stress one thing, it is this:
I truly hate my father, not an angsty teenager hate, but a hate you feel to someone who has betrayed your trust entirely.
I know you don’t want your children to hate you, so don’t make them. Don’t think just because you’re parents that your children will always love you like you love them, because we can lose that feeling.
Don’t spy on your children, for the sake of your trust bond and their love for you.
Ethan Goff | 7 months ago
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No, it leads to distrust
I’m a fourteen year old girl, and although my parents can be very flexible, sometimes they invade my privacy.
Now, I understand not being able to have a lock on my door, or have it closed when I have boys in my room. However, when my dad (my mom isn’t good with technology; he is) starts sifting through my computer files, reading my emails, etc., it crosses a line.
I have major problems trusting people, and having my dad randomly confront me about things on my laptop isn’t helping. He often tells me ‘oh you should be really happy, because I can go through all of your stuff from MY computer easily, but I don’t do it that often.’ Instead of making me feel like my parents are ‘looking out for me’, it just makes me resentful. I’m a teenager. I need some room to grow. Having someone constantly looking over your shoulder makes you want to do MORE bad things during the rare times you know you can get away with it. It’s like growing up with wine; having it as a regular part of life makes it so when you turn 18 (or 21) you don’t go out and binge, because it isn’t that big a deal.
If there is reason to be concerned, and there seems to be a subconscious cry for help, go ahead. But leave your children alone. They need their private thoughts.
AEW | 7 months ago
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Communication and action
I agree with the last post about communication with our kids. I talk to my own children about everything. However, sometimes that isn’t enough. I think all situations are unique, and in the end, the most responsible choice is to make the decision right for you and your child. I cannot justify reading my daughters diary, but a note between her and a friend left as garbage in my car, I read. I immediately talked to my girl about something in the note that concerned me instead of hiding from her that I read it. If I become worried that one of my kids are on drugs, I would tell them and I will tell them I will get them tested if my suspicion persists. I would never do it behind their backs; I believe that would hinder the trust I have worked so hard to build.
KD Morris | 7 months ago
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A tool
Drug sniffing dogs are like many things in this world. They are a tool. Whether the tool is appropriate depends totally on the person using them. If a child is trust- worthy, and has no abnormal changes in personality (a change is usually indicative of drug use) then there is no reason to use this particular tool. Rough handling of it will result in damage to the walls of relationships built between parent and children. However, the right tool in the right situation can change the relationships for the better, by strengthening weaknesses and breaking down unnecessary barriers.
Silent Dogood | 7 months ago
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