Good Parenting or Bad Spying?
Monitoring.
Blocking.
Filtering.
Tracking.
Parenting these days includes an arsenal of tools to find out what kids are up to online, on the street, on the phone, and everywhere else in between. Some say it’s about safety. Others say it’s about spying. And many question the boundaries of parental responsibility.
But should parenting go to the dogs?
Absolutely, according to a New Jersey-based company called Sniff Dogs. For $200 an hour, parents can rent a specially-trained Labrador Retriever that sniffs for drugs in their kids’ bedrooms. Heroin, crystal meth, cocaine. The dogs can even smell a marijuana seed from 15 feet away, as well as the lingering scent of the drug smoked days earlier. If contraband is detected, the pooch sits down, his handler marks the spot, and the parents take over the search from there.
The key, according to Sniff Dogs, is to conduct the search when children are not at home, and without their knowledge. That way, says Sniff Dogs co-owner Debra Stone, “the conversation is not, ‘Are you using drugs?’ but ‘We found the drugs.’” The stealth searches are legal, and Stone insists they don’t constitute snooping. “It’s not a violation of trust,” she said. “It’s what parents often do when monitoring other areas.”
Others disagree. “There are major repercussions for this type of intervention,” said a clinical psychologist. “When parents do this it erodes trust and goodwill.”
“As a parent, you worry,” counters a mother who hired a Sniff Dog to suss out her three kids’ rooms. Though no drugs were found, she says she’ll use the dogs again. “I trust my kids,” she said, “but you can only trust them so far.”
Tell us what you think: Is secretly using a drug-sniffing dog parental responsibility or parental snooping? Does a child’s personal safety ever justify her parents spying on her?
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Comments
Spy vs. Ostrich
Well, Sam, I personally know of a family who did not believe in “spying” on their children.
The children’s bedrooms were considered private and parents did not cross the threshold without being invited. Even when the housekeeper told them of the cloud of “pot smoke” and the needles in the waste baskets, they refused to intervene because they “trusted” their children. Twenty years later, broken marriages, dead children. Good job, Mom and Dad. I know it doesn’t always end this way; but why take the chance? You don’t have to be a spy, but you should never emulate the ostrich, either.
A White | 11 months ago
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Trust Issues
This has incredible repercussions for destroying the parent/child trust barrier. As children grow, it is normal and healthy for them to try and be more independent. They need to have lives separate from their parents…there’s going to be a lot of ill-adjusted kids in the next generation if this continues.
Knowledge_ | 11 months ago
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Snooping parents saved my life
When I was in high school, I hated myself, and I wanted to die. I went so far as to write a will, multiple suicide notes, and to create a plan. My parents knew something was wrong, but they didn’t know what was wrong. They decided to search my room when I was at school. They found all of the notes, and everything that I planned.
Their snooping saved my life.
If it were not for their intervention, I would’ve killed myself that weekend. Their love and acts of parents saved my life. It is a parent’s job to know what their child is doing, and this day in age, it is so much harder than it was 50 years ago. They need to do whatever is necessary to make sure their child is safe. They need to take responsibility for the person that they brought in this world.
As a parent you need to know that you are responsible for your child, and by doing what is right you may be saving their life…be it drugs, depression, or sex. You are responsible for the person that they become. I am so grateful and thankful that my parents searched my room that day.
Whatever your suspicions and fears, do not second guess yourself. You may be saving your child’s life.
Sincerely,
A Thankful Child
A Thankful Child | 11 months ago
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no such thing as being too intrusive.
My son is very young. Even though his teenage years are in a great distance, I can’t help but find myself wondering every once in a while; what will he be doing? Who will he be-friend? I don’t feel blaming parents saying “YOU didn’t do this”, or “YOU didn’t do that” gets anywhere.
Watch the news. If parents were more attentive and involved with their children, perhaps they would notice the kid leaving the house with weapons in their book bag. Unfortunately, we live in an “anything goes” society. Celebrity turmoil is glamorized, drugs, sex, etc are all glamorized, and since these kids are just plopped in front of the TV or computer to occupy their time, this is all they see.
I think a child’s friends are the bottom line determining factor in what they will or will not do. (In most cases). Kids (especially in the teenage years) are incredibly impressionable, and may do things completely out of their character to feel accepted by their peers. I have known families with many kids— in the same family you have the academic achiever, good in sports, well rounded kid— and another child of the same family causing problems and getting into trouble constantly. These kids are raised under the same roof by the same parents.
Like the old saying goes, “Birds of a feather, flock together.”
Jill | 11 months ago
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Mrs.
Kids live in our homes, owned by us and we as parents have the right to spy or anything else to keep our children safe. We need to know what our children may be doing that might hurt them before it goes to far. Hooray for the sniffing dogs.
Marilyn Castellano | 11 months ago
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Wow
I can’t believe someone would do this to their kid. Honestly this sounds like something my guardians would do my parents thought I didn’t “talk” to them too much so they decided to search my computer and found something they weren’t too happy about.
The thing is kids talk differently to their friends then they would to their parents I mean don’t expect your teenagers to tell you everything it just doesn’t work that way! And if you go searching through their room then they sure won’t ever tell you anything, they will resent you, not trust you and probably hate you searching a kid’s room, their personal space that’s the biggest way to pretty much ask your kids to never trust you and be astonished by your behavior.
If my parents were searching my room with a drug dog I would walk out or the house and never come back. If someone’s going to betray your trust like that then why stay?
anomyous | 11 months ago
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Mr.
Psh. If a kid really has something they want to hide on their computer the parents would hardly be able to access it. Parents should be able to tell if their kid is on drugs. If they can’t, well they aren’t very bright since it is pretty easy to tell if someone is on drugs. I know I can easily tell and I’m a kid. My parents have always given me freedom with the computer and know that I may look up “inappropriate” material, but as long as it’s not hurting anyone, they don’t invade. And the fact that I have triple password protection on my laptop may affect that ability to snoop. So basically, if a kid really wants to hide something, the parents will never find it unless they get professional people to snoop, which will kinda be obvious when the computer is no longer in the room.
Jeremy R. Kelso | 11 months ago
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Trust
Honestly it makes me wonder what has happened to the ideal of parenting and a healthy relationship between parents and kids. I was raised in a very religious military household, raised with respect and good common sense and decency, things I see in sorry lack amongst others nowadays.
I was not a religious person, and my parents had the respect to allow me that. I disagreed with them politically, and they allowed me that. They allowed me many freedoms on a system of trust, because they knew they had raised me so that it would never be a question.
Whenever the question arose of “do you drugs?” My honest answer was always “No.” And they believed me, and our relationship was healthy, and there was trust plentiful between us. It’s a matter of forming the right kind of relationship, of raising your kids to be better than that.
It should never have to come to this. If you haven’t raised them to be sensible then it’s your own fault, but go right ahead, they’ve betrayed your trust. But don’t be the one to betray their trust without good reason, because then you become the villain in that relationship.
A healthy relationship between a parent and child is two way; you cannot think that you can wrong your child in a way they might to you without some repercussion. It’s this “I am the parent, I am almighty and powerful,” idea that is as harmful as neglect.
Ryan Enos | 11 months ago
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Trust between me and my parents
I’m glad I don’t have some of you as parents. I know my parents fully trust me. They know I would never get into something like drugs or alcohol, since I’m like totally against it. If my parents went as far as getting dogs to sniff around my room, I would hate them. If you raised your kids right, you should be able to trust them.
Keandre Holeman | 11 months ago
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umm.....IDK?
IDK bout this!? Isn’t it invading our kid’s privacy?I think that this is dumb and that we shouldn’t have dogs get our children if there using drugs!! It is invading privacy and I wouldn’t like it if my mom did that to me…So why should I do that to my child?
Patty Cuny | 11 months ago
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