Good Parenting or Bad Spying?
Monitoring.
Blocking.
Filtering.
Tracking.
Parenting these days includes an arsenal of tools to find out what kids are up to online, on the street, on the phone, and everywhere else in between. Some say it’s about safety. Others say it’s about spying. And many question the boundaries of parental responsibility.
But should parenting go to the dogs?
Absolutely, according to a New Jersey-based company called Sniff Dogs. For $200 an hour, parents can rent a specially-trained Labrador Retriever that sniffs for drugs in their kids’ bedrooms. Heroin, crystal meth, cocaine. The dogs can even smell a marijuana seed from 15 feet away, as well as the lingering scent of the drug smoked days earlier. If contraband is detected, the pooch sits down, his handler marks the spot, and the parents take over the search from there.
The key, according to Sniff Dogs, is to conduct the search when children are not at home, and without their knowledge. That way, says Sniff Dogs co-owner Debra Stone, “the conversation is not, ‘Are you using drugs?’ but ‘We found the drugs.’” The stealth searches are legal, and Stone insists they don’t constitute snooping. “It’s not a violation of trust,” she said. “It’s what parents often do when monitoring other areas.”
Others disagree. “There are major repercussions for this type of intervention,” said a clinical psychologist. “When parents do this it erodes trust and goodwill.”
“As a parent, you worry,” counters a mother who hired a Sniff Dog to suss out her three kids’ rooms. Though no drugs were found, she says she’ll use the dogs again. “I trust my kids,” she said, “but you can only trust them so far.”
Tell us what you think: Is secretly using a drug-sniffing dog parental responsibility or parental snooping? Does a child’s personal safety ever justify her parents spying on her?
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good parenting or bad spying
I believe that if my children are doing something that may hurt them, I would spy on them to try to help them, before is too late.
Parents have the responsibility to make sure their children are safe, and some times it takes action. If spying is my only way to know, I would do it, the consequence of loosing my childrens’ trust, is a small price to pay, considering that if I don’t find out what they are doing, I would not be able to know if they need to be helped or not.
loli coker | 11 months ago
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Kids & Teens should have no privacy.
My parents used to spy on me all the time when I was a teenager and I still got away with a lot of things. They heard my conversations on the phone, they read my diary, they followed me, they searched my room, etc. I felt like a prisoner. Now I am 29 years old with two kids (6-3) and I would do the same or more.
As “loli coker” said, is our responsibility to know and help them before is too late. Just as an example, I was 16 when I smoked weed for the first time, and I had a conversation about it over the phone with a friend, of course my mom was on the other side of the phone and heard everything. Well, now I am glad she did, I stayed away from trouble during those difficult years.
I also practice sports wich helped me A LOT to stay busy and away from parties and not such good friends.
SO THUMBS UP FOR PARENTING SPYING
Maria Brown | 11 months ago
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Bravo!
Bravo to parents! Safety is never a negotiable issue with your kids! For those who say nay! to the dogs, try talking to your kids about such things open communication lines have lifetime benefits.
Capt. Bravo | 11 months ago
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Wow...
You people are doing whatever I can to control your kids lives. It is crazy. My parents would monitor our laptops, sniff around our room for cigarettes, pot, snow, and whatever else we managed to get in, but if you are really stupid enough to hide your drugs in your room, then your parents should be smart enough to know that they raised you wrong. And if that happens, parents, by the time they hit 18, have fun, because coming from a psychologist, you are not going to change them by now. If your kid is messed up, obese, anorexic, pompous, addicted to something: you messed up during the years that were critical. It’s their lives now, when one person does something wrong, I think that it is time for someone else to step in, and obviously, that person should be the child themselves. Parents today need to realize that it is not YOUR life, it is the kids. Leave them alone! They like it! I am all for knowing where they are going, asking who they are friends with (which is key when kids are growing up because their friends have a bigger influence than you as parents do), and etc. Your snooping means that you already realize there is a problem and you are only making it worse. Get them to tell you about it and don’t get all upset because if you can talk to them that are the best parent of a teenager I’ve ever seen. A good parents is one whose kid doesn’t say “I hate you” daily.
Tressie Osmun | 11 months ago
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Trusting son
I would hate to be the kids of the parents who posted above. I’ve lived my life knowing that my parents trust me and that has given me the ability to trust in others. I’m 20 years old now, the Climbing Director at a local YMCA camp. What I strive to teach my campers every day is our mantra at the climbing wall, “If you can’t trust, you can’t be trusted.” More and more I’m finding kids who cannot or will not put their trust in others. I believe this is a direct result of parents and adults in general approaching any young person with a prejudice of mistrust and paranoia.
Why is it so difficult to trust in your kids? If you’ve raised them correctly and instilled good enough values for them to make good decisions, there should be no room for the kind of severe distrust that would drive you to search their rooms with drug-sniffing dogs as if they were criminals.
Let me tell you something, coming from the son of truly trusting parents. Violating the privacy of your children will not make them more trusting and open with you. It will lead them to resent you and act out because of this resentment. Because you exert unfair pressures on them due to your lack of trust, they are more likely to test the limits and act out.
If you search your kid’s room with a drug dog without reasonable suspicion or coming to them first, I would not be at all surprised if they walk out the front door the next day and never come back. It is definitely what I would have done.
Evan Hockenberger | 11 months ago
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What?
If any parent can question their child using drugs (excluding pot, a “drug” used by dying cancer patients, and has NO evidence of any health hazard) they themselves must question their ability to parent. If a you have to question whether or not your child is high on heroin maybe you should get off it yourself, any hard drug use is more than obvious and can be handled in the household, if you have to call the cops on YOUR child YOUR the only one to blame. The act of spy can only lead to a disconnection between the parents and a child, do you want your kids looking throw your sock drawer and finding your “skin magz” and “adult toys”.
The testimony of an 18 year old, white, male, middle class
“I’m in high school, just made the A honor roll, hold two jobs, pay gas and insurance, and not only have enough money to spend on other necessities but wants and desires too. So when I buy pot I know the money that I spend on it is disposable income, that’s what a disposable income is, money to spend. When I smoke pot I don’t worry, not because I’m “baked”, but because I smoke pot in my friends basement and play video games for hours, I don’t go anywhere or put anyone in danger but myself, but the only danger is . . . um . . . well there isn’t besides inhaling plant matter, like a cigarette but cigarettes are grown with radio-active fertilizer and that’s where that little cancer thing comes from. I smoke pot on daily, DAILY, bases, when I’m done with my homework or while I do my homework, it’s easier to express myself when boundaries are removed. My mom expressed her views on the issue, we had MANY disagreements, me as a legal adult chose to differ her opinion, which was invalid. I’ve been smoking pot for 4 years and if it was really a harmful “drug” wouldn’t I have something to show for it? . . . I understand the risks and consequences involved in smoking pot and they don’t nearly outweigh benefits. Idea, if it’s LEGAL other places why not here. Most of all, it’s just pot.”
-Ale I, MN
People have lifestyle CHOICES. NOBODY said that you HAD TO invade, trespass, or intrude on your child’s life, they might hate you, and they might not.
Alek | 11 months ago
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Spying
As my daddy taught me, trust everybody but always cut the cards. Growing up my parents trusted my sisters and I but by the same token, we did not close doors in our house unless dressing. We were not allowed to have visitors in our room after a certain age and our parents told us that at any time they might be in our room looking around. It is a parents duty to protect their children, it is NOT your duty to be their friend or best buddy. If you suspect your child is lying about drugs or guns then you have a right to go in to any room in YOUR house and look around. Parents are in charge not the child, be a parent not the buddy.
Kevin White | 11 months ago
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The all compassing parent
Whatever parents apply to parenting children there would always be challenges. As a child that was fortunate to have had both christian and loving parents, I pushed the envelope. I tried marijuana just for the fun of it. I tried alcohol just for the fun if it, I skipped church just for the fun of it and disobeyed my parents just because I thought they could not have all ‘that’ been right. The above did me well, because I was able to use my experiences to help other kids on the whole from negative or destructive behavior. I was one of the fortunate ones who did not descend into the abyss. Thanks to vigilant but caring parents. Forceful but attentive, loving but straightforward, thoughtful, but even handed. And, most of all God centered. With parents like these what else can one desire.
Clauidus Phillips | 11 months ago
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Kids
Teach your children properly from birth and allow them to make the right decision. Remember no matter how old they are they do watch you and listen to you so set a good example. Behind closed doors the most horrible things happen no matter what kind of neighborhood you live in. Most abuse occurs in upscale neighborhoods, not in poverty ridden neighborhoods.
silk n roses | 11 months ago
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Communication first
Drugs are one of a myriad of behavioral proble4ms faced by parents of teenagers. The best way to minimize the effects of peer pressure is to talk to your children and their friends. Let them know they can come to your if they’re in trouble. Make you own attitudes toward drugs, alcohol and social responsibility clear. Unless you have good reason, do not ever invade their privacy. This is about the personal security of your kids. Would feel secure if the police came in for no special reason and searched your home.? Home should be, above all things, a safe place. Take an active interest in your kids activities, but don’t make them feel as if their space is being invaded. I raised 4 teenagers and believe it or not, they are peopleThe old saying goes that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. If you give your children respect, they are more likely to respect you and your point of view. If they do get into trouble you want to be the first one they call for help.
Nancy DellaVecchia | 11 months ago
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