Fertility Treatments: For Convenience?
Motherhood—achieving it and surviving it—is a perennially popular topic of blog discussions. But rarely does one comment continue to draw responses years after first being posted, like the following one has from a woman who wanted to undergo IVF fertility treatments as a matter of convenience.
“I don’t have fertility problems,” she wrote, “but I would like IVF because it would be better for my career and lifestyle if I could give birth to multiples rather than prolong my family planning.” The woman then posed this question: “Is it immoral to want fertility treatments to become pregnant with more than one baby?”
That was in 2003, and the responses have continued since, some barbed, all blunt.
“Do you realize how insane and ridiculous you sound?”
“You are better off with a goldfish that doesn’t require your time.”
“Not only are you talking about something immoral, but something that’s just wrong!”
Many women wrote to tell their own stories of the difficulty and danger involved in multiple births, aghast at what they saw as a selfish quest for a “designer” family. “Putting your babies’ lives at risk for the sake of convenience is incredibly irresponsible,” one stated. A mother of triplets answered the original question head-on: “It’s not immoral to try fertility treatments when they’re unnecessary, but it is unethical.”
Others were less judgmental, like this mother who was pregnant with twins as she responded. “You have to do what’s right for you. If you want more than one child, then it’s your decision, no one else’s.” And another woman attempted to create room for discussion. “There are more of us out there that have had that same thought,” she wrote, “although some may not admit it.”
Tell us what you think: Is having unnecessary fertility treatments for career and lifestyle reasons immoral…irresponsible…acceptable?
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From A Mother of Twins
I agree you should be able to make your own decisions and have more than one child at a time if you want but I am not too sure that it will be that convenient for your life style. I have four children two of them are twins and they were my first and it was a handful trying to take care of them. For starters, when you only have one child you have one to take care of. Having two or more at a time you have to spend more time taking care of them and getting them ready and its more expensive for everything. I say try and get pregnant on your own and if it is meant to be ( like me ) you will have twins. You never know you might like the concept of having one in diapers at a time not 2 or 3 or more.
Anna | 1 year, 7 months ago
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I don’t agree you should leave it to God to decide if you should have twins or not. You save one maternity leave and then go back to work. It is not that easy you might end up on bed rest and not being able to work the whole pregnancy vs. having 2 maternity leaves that are only 6 weeks.
Anna | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Thoughts on Unnecessary Fertility
I guess my first thought is why would anyone without any fertility issues, choose to go through such an invasive process and also choose to have multiples which can be dangerous for both the mother and the child. As someone who struggled for years going through fertility treatments, it’s very hard for me to feel right about someone who mainly wants this procedure for convenience. I was lucky enough to finally get pregnant on my own, and now that I have one child, I feel very differently about IVF. I may go through that procedure the next time, b/c getting pregnant on my own was a miracle and I would like more children soon. However, I am taking a far more conservative approach with IVF the next time and will most likely implant only one embryo. I’m trying to REDUCE my risk of having multiples even though it will also reduce my chance of getting pregnant. I feel that one child requires so much time and attention and if I can avoid multiples I think it’s better for my son and any future children I have. Before I had my son, I was very open to having multiples through fertility b/c all I really wanted was a baby. But now that I know what it’s like with one, I just feel that actually choosing to have multiples for convenience is more of a selfish choice for yourself and I would never want to put my baby at risk for all the things that can be associated with having multiples. If it happens naturally than I feel it was meant to be, but planning for it I feel is irresponsible.
Jennifer W | 1 year, 7 months ago
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Have you thought of potential problems?
It seems that you have given some thought to this, but there are a number of factors to consider: you would like your child to have “a sibling”: what if fertility drugs cause you to conceive quadruplets? Will you be able to raise four babies at once, or will you “reduce” the number of embryos? To me, that am far worse than an ending an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy with an abortion—which itself is something that should never be done lightly. What if you or your husband should become seriously ill? What if one of the babies has a serious illness? Are children of different ages likelier to have different needs from their parents, rather than both competing for the same form of attention? It seems to me that there are too many variables in raising children that can’t be planned for in advance. You may be able to schedule one maternity leave, but after that, all bets are pretty much off.
Sally G | 1 year, 7 months ago
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New Rochelle
The idea of ‘the will of God” must be horribly antiquated these days, with so much medical and technological equipment and knowledge. Where is the fine line, exactly? Well you can rest assured as we continue to progress the understanding might be something like this: the babies are born perfectly healthy and normal? Yes, or at the least we hope. The person who felt this was a better choice for reasons A,B,and C, is willing to pay, and is willing to acknowledge she might even end up with maybe one or two other children that she didn’t anticipate. How would that work out? On the flip side, lets say, we are going to go with God, and let life play it’s part as it surely will. You get pregnant, and slowly have baby number 2, and number 3, but in 6-8 years deciding on the timing, family planning?
This is a highly gray area, many couples may not always be happy to hear one spouses answer versus another. One spouse may welcome another mouth to feed and plan for, another may be thinking, this is really going to throw a monkey wrench in our plans to travel, buy a new car, or just plan to do as we please without any interruption.
We are a people of many choices, all complex and personal, that are either working, struggling, hurting, or making decisions. Those decisions are made easier by acceptance on both parties to either absorb why one feels that a child will be too costly at a particular time. It depends, in my eyes, on how the couple is seeing their dilemma. Have they sat down and spoken to a doctor about their choice? Are they sure that they will only have a set number, lets say 2 children — what should happen if it’s triplets or quads? I would like to instill in people a sense that God is a supreme power, but in philosophical debate to be completely unbiased, it is best to leave the choice up to those that must live with their decision.
Gloria Ehrlich | 1 year, 7 months ago
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As a father who
As a father who “loves his child more than anything else in the world”, how dare you speak about people who can’t bear their own children. Maybe if for one second you had to feel the unbearable pain of infertility you wouldn’t judge so quickly. You said yourself that you would do anything to provide for your child, what is the difference between providing for your child and using fertility treatments to provide a child? And as to spending everything you have, or tens of thousands, it’s equally expensive to adopt. The waiting list to adopt can be years. So, maybe next time before spouting off about something you know nothing about, you will just count your many blessings, and not be so judgmental. Speaking as a person who has had many needy children stay in my home, and also someone who has undergone fertility treatments I can assure you that if I were to become pregnant w/ multiples I would be overjoyed! The risk of multiples is small, and the risk of more than triplets is really small. If I had to have all my children in one pregnancy, so is it…what’s the difference to you?
ziggy | 1 year, 6 months ago
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As a father who loves his children
As a father who loves his children, it’s surprising how little compassion you have for those with physical issues that have prevented them from becoming naturally pregnant. And to lay the blame on God (by assuming he might want them to do something else) is appalling. If someone has cancer, would you suggest that they not accept medical treatment because perhaps God wants them to die? Infertility is a medical problem — and one that has some very good treatments available. If you have a medical problem — any medical problem — and treatment is available, you should avail yourself of it if you so wish.
You’ve also clearly no idea of the adoption process and the expenses often involved. If you did, you probably wouldn’t be so quick to suggest it: It’s not uncommon for it to cost $25-40,000 per child. As a foster parent, adoptive parent and biological parent, I find it really sad to read comments like yours. This post is about a woman seeking multiples for convenience and you made it about infertility. I can assure you that infertility (and the treatments that go with it) is in no way convenient: they can be painful, stressful, and very scary.
heavensabvus | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Thank God for a child
I had tried fertility drugs for both of my pregnancies and I was happy. I only had one kid with each pregnancy. I wanted to have twins but it did not work out that way. I thank God for my two kids because I could not have children without the pills. If your cycles are not normal you can try clomid or another type of fertility drug in order to get pregnant.
gertha atis | 1 year, 2 months ago
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unexpected issues w having mutiplies/ ppl don't re
I never expected that having twins would be so hard, especially after, your body has changed over the months being pregnant, and after the birth your body isn’t the same physically but other issues can happen, my hormones were so out of whack
I had to have my appendix taken out and I now have gull Stones ( never having any history of before), My hormones are still bouncing off the walls, it can cause issues of irregular menstrual bleeding! Man what a change my body has had!
It’s cool to have twins, amazing, naturally a blessing, but people who are planning that on purpose aren’t aware of what can happen because of it, the risk I rather not take. I was blessed naturally and am proud to have identical twin girls now a year, and am also an identical twin my self. Yes I have an identical twin sister, amazing what was the odds have identical twins my self.
But research it it’s not as easy as it seems, not to mention when they are born early and have issues at birth! THINK ABOUT IT DON’T BE SELFISH, think of their development and your health!
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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Fertility drugs?
Which fertility supplements are known for the purpose of multiple births?
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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