Kudos to Liberty Mutual

My wife I are the Marriage and Family Life team leaders at our church and give a lot of time to couples preparing for marriage or remarriage as well as helping couples work through conflict. We see many people like Helen who are struggling with broken relationships, loneliness and anger. Our job is twofold- give hope and help to folks mired in past failures and to help healthy families stay that way.

This film does a great job presenting several principles of healthy relationships and the tragic results for us and our families when we ignore them. Thank you for spear heading this project that calls our society back to a biblical view of right and wrong as defined by our Creator who has endowed us with certain “unalienable rights”. With rights comes responsibility as this project points out. Our choices will either produce opportunities or consequences. For some time now America has been heading down a path that has producing more consequences than opportunities. It’s time to change direction. I’m proud of my company who has clearly called America to that challenge through ‘The Responsibility Project”. I’ll be enthusiastically promoting this web site.
Carl Kindstedt
Liberty Mutual employee

Carl Kindstedt | 1 year, 10 months ago
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A negative point of view

I am the son of a man who abandoned his family. We knew where he was because my mother was friendly with his family and they, disgusted with what he did to us, kept us informed of his whereabouts.

At the urging of my sister (no need to state why here), I contacted him from time to time when I became an adult. He was a wretch before and continued to be a wretch later. I finally had enough and broke contact with him.

When my son graduated from college, he wanted to contact his grandfather. Decades of smoking had ravaged his lungs and he was ill with emphysema. I personally didn’t care if my father lived or died. I tried to dissuade my son from visiting his grandfather but to no avail. He went and came back really disturbed at how his grandfather acted towards him. When my father sickened from the emphysema, neither my son, my sister or myself lifted a finger to help him. He ended up in the charity ward of his local country hospital. When he died, the hospital personnel had to contact his brother to come and get the body. His brother did not contact either me or my sister about burying him since he knew what our response would be. I did not feel gratified or happy that he died. In fact, I didn’t care one way or the other. Neither did my son.

What do I perceive as my duty to my son in this situation? When he wanted to visit his grandfather, I tried to dissuade him because I knew how my father would act towards him and I did not want my son to have to deal with that. But I did not stand in his way. He was an adult and he would just have to experience it if this was his choice. What about my duty to my father? As far as I am concerned, I had none. He abandoned my mother, my sister and me when I was 10 and my sister 12. We were left in desperate financial straits as a result. He did not lift a finger to help us. We all experienced hunger first hand. As a young teen age boy, I had to make do with fairly shabby clothing. And so forth. When as an adult I contacted him, I had nothing but grief from him. In actuality, this man sired me; he was not a father to me. When he was dying, he was just another nasty old man who was dying. Someone is going to have to try really hard to convince me that I had any responsibility to a person who was so despicable towards my mother, my sister, my son and me. There are times albeit rare when honoring thy father and thy mother breaks down.

George Boole | 1 year, 6 months ago
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How do you go about forgiving?

I have been struggling for some time now with true forgiveness. I don’t know that you need to know all of the sad details; however, I will set the stage. I was born to young women (19) who were trying to find her. She did things that most teenage girls who don’t have much guidance at home would do to try and find their place in this world. Needless to say, I must have been in the 2nd grade when I realized that I was in many ways further along in “years mentally” than my mother. Pretty scary. I did not know my father and haven’t met him to this day. There was a man who stood in as “dad”, but he really had no business being around children.

My life has been trial and error, as I’m sure most are. I feel at times that it would be nice for a change to be able to look to someone that I respect and get guidance. Yes, I have friends and I respect them, but for the most part they are relatively close to my age. I do look to the Lord on many occasion, I speak with him daily. Though, I have always wanted to be able to pick someone’s brain about various issues such as the advice healthy and loving parents would give, without having to pull out the check book. My life now is a very blessed life. I am happy, I am safe, I laugh, I have a wonderful family of my own, and still, I at times feel lost. I want desperately to forgive my mother, and my father, I guess, I never knew him but, I suppose I need to let something go there. Not sure what that is. When one forgives, does that mean that you have to trust in pursuing a relationship with the individual, knowing that there is a good chance that you could be hurt and disappointed again? Do you write them and discuss this forgiveness with them? Do you forgive them in your heart and move on? I don’t want to carry this baggage with me any longer. The dysfunctional cycle stops with me and I want to guide our children in the right direction. I want to love, yet, be firm and stand my ground. If the one you forgive won’t respect your boundaries, what is the right thing to do? Please, give me some much needed advice so that in our own little way, we can raise healthy well adjusted children who can some day, some way, share their knowledge with others and get our America headed in the right direction.

Thanks.

Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
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Age 54 who walked that way from birth learned to F

Forgiveness does not mean that you have to establish relationship with unhealthy people. But forgiveness could mean that you do offer unhealthy people safe relationship while seeking healthy relationship for yourself and children from safe sources. You noticed that your mother was not mentally available as early as 2nd grade. This means that your mother was a vulnerable person. It could also mean that your father was not much further ahead in the whole matter.

How would you like to be treated if this were you as one of the vulnerable human beings? Treat them in the same manner. Acknowledge them as parents in your own heart. You are a beautiful soul. There was some good. Mother did not abort you. Your parents’ vulnerability opened you up to some goodness in life such that today you are able to care for your own children.

Go ahead and thank God. All things do work for good to them that love God to those who are the called according to His purposes. Learn all you can learn about the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is first for our own benefit. Forgiveness frees our own soul from the grip of evil and harm. Extend the forgiveness to others that we would love to receive from others. Just focus on what we would love to have if we were the ones who erred.

There are healthy people available to help us along. You do not always have to open the checkbook. What you could do is start by having sound things to share with others. Observe someone around you who needs some wisdom that you can offer freely. We are all alike and all of us do need each other as desperately as we feel that we do need others. We all have blind spots in our lives. Observe others in their blind spots. Share with them life from your view.

Most of us who grew up in conditions as you are describing make safe friends for other people. Our ingrained caution makes it easier to relate without becoming too close with others. This way we protect ourselves as well as others from unsafe encounters.

Do not feel bad if those first times that you share others do not receive from you. Cultivate the manner of forgiveness and willingness to share. It has done me well over the years. I am willing to share more with you if you are blessed with this type of sharing. Others helped me along.

Anonymous | 1 year, 1 month ago
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Hit the spot

Father’s Day reminds me of my 2 Daughters and 1 Son refusing to have anything to do with me (I’m The Mother). My oldest Daughter was abused sexually, I knew about the 1 time and it was not supposed to happen any more, but she said it went on for a year, but she never told me about the other times . I regret my blindness to fact that it happened. But it also happened to me at 9 years of age and my mother blamed me for what happened to me. We did get past it all. I loved my mother with all my heart. My children will not forgive me. Now the oldest Daughter is dealing with colon cancer, liver cancer, and leukemia. She doesn’t want anything to do with me even though she might die.So here I am trying to deal with all the hate and unforgivness that probably will never change.

Anonymous | 1 year, 1 month ago
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RE: Hit the spot

I don’t really know what to say to someone like you. The story fathers day “hit the spot” with me to. But not as much as your little comment.I can’t believe that you admit that you knew one of the times that your daughter was abused and you kept her in the same house and available to the same pedophile for over year. This is selfish of you .For you to stay with a person that has hurt you child in such a way tells me that you did not want to see, or it did not serve you to see. Maybe you would say you didn’t have the financial ability to leave this person. Or maybe your just stupid Enos to believe the predator in your bed. You are not the first. I don’t get it. Did you come to a forgiveness site to get sympathy from people who have been hurt by sick people and people like you? You don’t need forgiveness you need to go and apologize to your kids your self. Your kids will not forgive you. Your daughter will not get better. You need to take responsibility for your hand in where your daughter’s emotional state of mind is. She can’t forgive you. You won’t let her. Your still messedd up. How do you forgive someone who doesn’t take blame to the actions that you are supposed to forgive them for?

Anonymous | 1 year, 1 month ago
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Time moves on

I was abused by both my step father when he was drunk and my step mother when she got mean (can’t even blame it on alcohol). The abuse went on for about eight years. I was also sexually abused once by a boyfriend of a family member. My mom tried to buffer against my stepdad and me even stepping between me and him and I with a knife one night. This helped little because he wanted complete obedience, and I was an angry rebellious teen. My dad refused to admit there was a problem between my stepmom and me; he only questioned; he ever asked was ‘what do you want me to do, choose between my wife and daughter?’ as an adult I know he should have protected me. I have a good relationship if somewhat distant with my mother, and no relationship with my father. He had other children with the ‘new wife’, and gave up his ‘old kids’ to keep the peace with her. He is divorced again, and living alone living his life in a train wreck taking my half brothers with him. I am so angry with him for not learning from his past behavior with us and at least becoming a better father. He is ruining their lives as much as he ruined ours. I try to be there for them when I can. I understand that my father is irresponsible, was distant with me and my older siblings and that I will never get the love and acceptance from him that I so badly needed then and to a point want even now. What is it that makes us still want acceptance sometimes from those who hurt us? I have stopped trying to contact him. Ironically, I do have a good, somewhat decent relationship with my stepdad now. I won’t leave my kids alone with him due to his tendency to lash out in anger verbally when things aren’t going his way. He has hurt my nieces’ feelings for that reason before,but at least I know he loves me,and has supported me when I have made my own bad choices. I try to do better for my children. I married a man who was selfish and also sought his own comfort first, but I did not see it at the time. He could be a part of my children’s lives if he wanted, but chooses to take the easy road. I re-married recently,and my husband has adopted my kids. My ex has stopped contacting the kids completely. Unfortunately I married my father the first time. Fortunately for me, my husband loves the kids and has no problem being dad for good and bad. Unfortunately, I have a hard time letting him be effective due to the fear that the kids will get hurt. I am still working in that one too. I do not know when forgiveness will come,but at least the hurt is less now.

Ginny S | 1 year, 1 month ago
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