Calling the Cops on Your Kids: Parenting vs. Policing
Should you—would you—ever call the cops on your kids?
Two scenarios about the travails of raising kids are currently highlighting the issue of parental responsibility versus police intervention. And once again, parents are struggling with the question, What would you do?
A reader of The New York Times’ Motherlode blog wrote that she “asked the police for help” after she discovered her 17-year-old daughter had stolen her ATM card more than once. To “demonstrate the seriousness” of the girl’s actions, the mother allowed a police officer to handcuff her daughter in the back of a squad car while explaining the consequences of a felony.
Readers of the mother’s story offered kudos—“she made her decision with the best intentions”—and criticism: “I think the police should only be called when there is an issue of safety.”
A related story drew similar attention on momlogic.com, where readers were asked if they thought a mother was too tough on her son for insisting that police also charge him with car theft after he was stopped for DUI. The mother advocated that the teen should spend the weekend in Juvenile Hall “while the seriousness of his actions” set in.
Again, readers were divided about pressing charges. “If an arrest and taking responsibility makes that teen think before getting in the car drunk again, then yes, it’s worth it,” wrote one. But another said, “I would never press charges on my son. I think this is just taking it too far.”
Tell us what you think: Should discipline by parents ever involve the police? Where do you draw the line between parenting and policing?
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thank you for your piece on police involvement
I read what you have written. I am currently in the middle of a teenage melt down. My 14 year old step daughter who has a history of mental health issues, had the worst anger outburst I have ever seen in my life. It all started over homework. She became violent and started punching her father. I attempted to restain her in in effort to keep the sitution from exculating out of hand (any more than she had already made it). No sucess on my part after all she stands 6 inches higher and over 100 lbs heavier than me. Long story short this got to the point she threatened a seven month pregnant friend to kick her butt and that is when I had enough. I no longer felt safe or that my other 4 children where safe and removed us from the home. I instructed my husband to call the police to get her in an ambulance. The end result, he did not. There was a domestic abuse case opened at school the next day and an investigation lead to us being found not to have caused abuse but we could have charged her. We went to her Doctor after wards. She instructed us to up her meds and take her to St. Cloud Hospital. They concluded that she was not at risk for mental health inpatient hostpitalization. The hostpital doctor concluded it was behavioral and if her anger continued to call the police. It did in fact continue her profanity and verbal abuse started to exculate in the car. Her father instructed her that she could go straight to her room once home to calm down. She choose to run away as soon as the vehicle stopped. The police were contacted. We were to wait until 10 to file a report if she did not return. She was found just before than and brought home by the police. Someone had reported her sleeping in a business lawn. Nothing has been discussed with her further yet, but I don’t even know how to deal with this. My concern is for my safety and my childrens safety. If she can’t control her anger what options do I have?
Kadey | 5 months, 1 week ago
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Courage to Parent
I have had to ask the police to arrest my child for stealing my car repeatedly also. The car was safe in the driveway and no injury had happened, yet I knew that he would continue to take it when ever possible. When I traveled, I had to hide the car at a friends house. This child was 15 with no drivers license. When their are no consequences for wrong behavior, why would the child ever change wrong behavior? He has a history of theft from the age of 6, stealing bill money from my purse, and jewlery and selling it. He even got on line and paid personal bills from my account without me even knowing. He helped me set the account up! I could go on and on! The police did nothing due to their business. We have a huge hole in society. Some kids are going to go bad with parents that didn’t care, and then some of us care deeply and want help to help teens stop having a spirit of entitlement and instead suffer life experiences for their actions to shape them into responsible adults, not prison inmates!
Carol Martin | 5 months ago
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Yes i agree
I think that police should be involved because if they are not involved in the household some stuff can get out of hand. when i was younger i was a bit of a trouble maker and i made alot of problems. But one day my mom said she is going to call the cops on me if im dont striaghten up my act. it actually freaked me out. i was very scared cause i have heard so many stoires about how muhc trouble you get into if you get into trouble with the law. after that day i changed my act all around and i made better choices for my life.
Poliece should only get involved with issues that are on going and parents cant do anything about it. if you have a daughter that doesnt listen to you steals money from you and you have no way to stop her and she is constantly causeing trouble what can you do? call the poliece teach her a lesson show her what she needs to do. But if a parent calls the poliece on a kid because she/he cannot control him then you need to learn how to be a better parent. The poliece is here to help us make our community better if we waste then on petti calls like “oh my son wont clean his room” what kind of call is that? Does that prove you a good parent?
My final response is, police should be involved for important needs thats why they are here.
Jason Kieth tyler quinn | 4 months, 4 weeks ago
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you both can sit down and talk about it
you both can sit down and talk about it he needs to learn to sit down and talk about problems then call the cops on people i hope things go well
sidney kubesch | 4 months, 3 weeks ago
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some things must be done
i think that it should be right for parents to call the police on there childern because kids are starting to get out of control because they are starting ot fight back and the parents dont know what else to do with them but if its something stuipd like you cant deal with them that’s then you take matters in to your own hands and show them who boss and who the child and who the parent
superwoman | 4 months, 3 weeks ago
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That's Important
The most significant fact here is that the son returned the STOP sign.
Miriam Pia | 4 months, 2 weeks ago
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Public Service
In my experience with my “then” 13 year old son, the local police department was more than happy to have a sit down talk with him. His “wrongful act” was copying someone else’s credit card information and keeping it hidden. This was the last straw of several similar and recent acts. Bringing him down to the “station” was VERY hard to do as a parent but I felt that it was needed since other, more traditional punishments had not worked.
The police department considers this an investment in their community. They are aiding in the reduction of possible future and more serious offenses which are handled outside of parental control.
The “interogation” actually led to the discovery that his “not living at home” mom had actually had a part in his “wrong doing.” This is was an important part of the puzzle that way not have been discovered without police involvement. As parents of teenagers, we quickly learn that there is usually more to the story.
Mark | 4 months, 1 week ago
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Netherland
Thanx for your useful post. But I had difficult time navigating around your web site as I kept getting 502 bad gateway error. Just thought to let you know.
Matt Call | 4 months ago
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you haft to know when enough is enough.
my brothers lil boy hit a girl at school and gave her a black eye.now hes only in the second grade but still he ant starting right if you know what i mean..my brother told me to do the disaplinning well i askedhim why and he said cause i cant get on to him when i’ve hit a womnen before now i disagree i cant stand a women beater…so when the school called me and told me he was exspelled tell other wise i was overly pissed..so i wooped him from the time we step out of the class room door tell we got to the car andthen when we got to my house then i made him write her an appoligy a two hunred page essay.my brother and other family thought i was too rough but i dont think it was enough cause two weeks later he did it again so what to do with a 9 year old…
helen malynn trees | 4 months ago
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USA
,<>..] www.responsibilityproject.com is other relavant source of information on this issue,<>..]
Trackback - Free Internation Call >> How to make f | 4 months ago
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