Boomerangers: Back to Mom and Dad
In Australia they’re known as “kippers”—Kids in Parents’ Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings.
In America they’re called “boomerangers”—adult offspring who return to live with their parents, sometimes bringing a spouse and children, unable to financially make it on their own.
Everywhere they have been the stuff of sitcoms and punch lines: irresponsible losers adding to the sofa’s sag while subtracting from the kitchen cupboards.
But the freeloader image may be inadvertently falling away, a welcome casualty of the ongoing recession, which, in some cases, is helping reshape what it means to be a responsible American family in an era of mounting crises.
A married Utah couple who could no longer make ends meet moved into his parents’ basement. “Staying close to your family in times of need, that’s the most important thing in the economic crises,” the husband said. His wife added, “It’s sad that people feel like they can’t turn to their families for help, or they feel like there’s something bad in doing that.”
Boomerangers are now more likely to help than loaf, splitting the costs of food and shelter in their parents’ homes and sharing domestic responsibilities. “As Americans face tougher economic conditions, we’ll likely see more of this,” said a vice president for AARP, which recently analyzed census data and recognized some new changes in families. In the past year, more than a third of retirees have had to help their offspring pay bills. More adult children are living with their parents, continuing an upward trend since 2000. And the number of multi-generational households has increased from 5 million in 2000 to 6.2 million in 2008.
“Kin is becoming the safety net of last resort,” wrote one reporter, “in part because overwhelmed social service agencies are reaching their giving limits.” A social services expert added, “Families, friends and social networks are becoming more important ways that people are coping.”
Tell us what you think: Is it still parents’ responsibility to launch self-sufficient adult children into the world? What would you do if your adult kids wanted to move in and be bailed out?
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Bible?
I don’t see the point of interpreting a 1700 year old book to decide on the righteousness of today’s facts. They didn’t write the book thinking “there will be a recession in 1700 years,” but they wrote it to deal with ancient problems.
Josh K | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Business Owner/operator
I have mixed feelings. Although I don’t want my son to move out (I will suffer from empty nest syndrome), I want him to have the life that he wants. I hope that time will come for him. He doesn’t want to leave us, because HE is helping US. He may be renting a small apartment in our home. It is hard to find a tenant right now. The economy is bad, he’s working, and it’s so hard for him to save. He was hired at minimum wage and there are increase freezes. He gets reduced rent; we have a tenant we can trust. It seems all good, but he’s giving up education and opportunity he could have in a larger city. I feel angry about the people who were living large while so many of us have to give up so very much and are merely surviving.
Mariah Nelson | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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Parenting Never Ends
My children will be my children forever and being a parent never ends. Our son has recently graduated from college. He did it in 4 years even after changing his major. We are encouraging him to move home, work, and save some money. He needs a new vehicle. I would rather him live at home (there’s no one upstairs anyway) and drive a new truck. He has a large bedroom, his own bathroom, and a game room upstairs. I think it’s crazy for him to pay rent and utilities right now. He cuts the grass for us and does the weed eating. That is a huge help to us. He’s also fun to be around. My husband and I both feel it is our responsibility to help him get established in the “real world”. He wants to go to grad school so living at home would be the perfect way to save money. We can definitely house him, feed him, and wash his clothes. We do want him to move out on his own eventually, but we want him to have some money in the bank when he does so.
Lindy Marshall | 9 months, 3 weeks ago
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ME
I recently married (we have grown children). Two weeks after we married, his daughter and 2 grandchildren moved in. The daughter left her spouse (again). This time he filed for divorce. She is 20, and the kids are 2 years and 5 months. Her dad wants her to live with us get an education and not work, study from allied school. She has been in our home 5 months so far and no end in sight. Perhaps I am selfish, but I do not want her here. We totally support her and kids. My spouse and she are home together all the time. I work. They stay home. I feel she needs to get a job and support herself. Her dad says no. He is raising the kids she just puts them on him. He does not see she is a user. I feel we have done our part now she needs to go forth and do great things on her own. She still has 1.5 years left of allied schooling.
Diane | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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I should also state ...
I should also state, my youngest son (age 28) is homeless and my spouse will not let me help him. His stance is he is a man there fore he needs to support himself. We have a trailer that is vacant and he will not let him stay there and pay lot rent and utilities. We pay them. Why not let him stay and pay them? This would help us, too. DOUBLE STANDARD!!
me | 9 months, 2 weeks ago
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Boomerang or Freeloader?
We let our two daughters aged 25 and 22 move back home after graduating college this year. We sat down with them a week ago to talk about them contributing to expenses, paying for special trips into town (30 minutes) for work, assisting at the house with chores and the younger two children. Both of them looked at us like we were nuts…how dare we try and ‘take” their hard-earned money (both work at a fast food restaurant, one works a second job at a bookstore, and the other works a second job at a travel store – neither of them are making 40 hours per week even with combined hours). We did not ask them for rent, we simply asked for $75 per month towards expenses like heat/air conditioning, internet access (they both have laptops that they ‘live’ on when they aren’t working), food and other living necessities, garbage pickup, etc. We also asked that since we have two vans, and one has 231K miles on it and is ready to fail, they help by paying $5 per special trip into town when we would not already have been going in. Today my oldest told my husband that we are “using her” to finance our vehicle (we pay a car payment and insurance, all maintenance, registration, licensing, repair, etc. on both cars). She said that she didn’t have the money to give us the $5. This is someone who purchased a $600 poodle in November, has run up $2K in medical bills due to not dealing with an injury when it happened, who took all her graduation money and spent it on a trip to NYC, visits her boyfriend in DC every spare moment, and who sleeps till noon when she isn’t working. The other daughter told us she would “eat less”, so she didn’t have to pay for expenses, and that her paying ‘rent’ essentially is slowing her down from getting her life started….then she booked a flight to GA in two weeks to spend 5 days with her boyfriend, but never asked off work first…just took the time off and told them ‘tough’. (Note: We didn’t ask for ‘rent’, just help with the expenses).
I also believed all my life that I should help my children and do what I could to get them off on a good foot. Their father left when they were 2 and 5 ,and at times I worked 3 jobs to take care of them. My husband has raised them since they were 4 and 8, and his mother has paid more than $80,000 to finance both both of their private college educations…his sister took the younger daughter to China, all expenses paid, when she adopted her child, since my daughter was interested in other countries. In many ways my heart has been broken by my daughters’ attitudes…they are both college educated, very beautiful, and have been given every advantage that a middle class family can give, and much more in some cases due to generous relatives (step-relatives!). When they tell me I’m using them, taking their hard-earned money (I work from home as a bookkeeper with 4 clients in between running them to and from their jobs, which has cut into my own hours severely), it hurts deeply. From the moment I turned 18, I paid my parents rent, worked a 4o hour week, and paid car insurance on myself. I had a curfew, and had to help out with the younger siblings. It wasn’t a choice. So, I don’t agree with any of the comments I’ve read above….I am living a very different story and am very angry and bitter. Tonight when they get home from work at midnight, I’m tiling them they have 2 weeks to leave…I don’t care anymore if they don’t have vehicles, money for an apartment, etc. When their dad left me at age 25, I didn’t have those things either, and I still have two extra mouths to feed…and I’m done feeding them now. Walk a mile in my shoes and you’ll understand. They are ungrateful, selfish young woman, and it’s time they learned about real life, like I had to. I’m sorry I ever allowed them to move back home.
Lisa Peterson | 9 months, 1 week ago
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Offer to move back home
I am married and have a 9 month old daughter. My mother and step father have just offered for my family to move in with them for a year to get more financially stable and caught up. We have been in our own apartment for two years and have recently found it increasingly difficult to keep up with the bills not to mention how we fell behind because of me being on maternity leave.
I don’t know what to think about it. I feel grateful and we really could use the help but I kind of feel bad moving back in. I have been raised with a really strong work ethic and we are not the type to take advantage or “freeload”. We are still trying to reach a decision but ultimately it matters what is best for our daughter. We want to get rid of our debt, better our credit and save for a house ourselves and our little girl. Moving back with my parents will definitely get us closer to our goals more quickly.
Rachel Rutledge | 8 months, 3 weeks ago
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Hardluck Boomeranger
It wasn’t my choice to move to my father’s house, or my sister’s choice to my mother’s house. We were both raised to take care of ourselves, take responsibility for our actions and were well grown and married over the age of 40 when life snatched us by our ankles, turned us upside down, shook us up and down and slung us to the ground leaving us wondering in “how did we get here”. We both had varying extenuating circumstances in our experiences, but nonetheless, we were both forced to make big time life changes that meant we could move in with a parent (our parents are divorced) or be out in the street..and I mean that literally.
I am hoping that I/she will be able to provide a comfortable home for our kids as our parents have done for us in the unfortunate event that they are ‘smacked up, flipped and rubbed around in life as we have been.
18 is not the magic number that everyone thinks it is.
Scorpiobaby | 8 months, 1 week ago
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Adult step daughter won't work and now has to move
My step-daughter has to move back home with us because she can not pay her rent or utilities and we have paid them several times for her, she can not keep a job more than a few months because she gets tired of getting up and going to work and then gets laid off so no one will hire her now and she has two children and a boyfriend that doesn’t work. What am I to do and since my husband won’t do anything about this I understand she is not working and the children have to have a place to live but she is not working because she doesn’t try she is 32. Any suggestions………Please help.
Malinda Patton | 7 months, 2 weeks ago
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aaron keith hausley | 5 months ago
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