America’s Worst Mom?
Mothering without smothering.
That’s the responsible balance Lenore Skenazy was seeking when she recently allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the New York City subway alone for the first time.
As a writer for the New York Sun newspaper, Skenazy penned a column about why she fully supported young Izzy’s desire to undertake his solo ride-of-passage. “Over-protectiveness is a danger in and of itself,” she wrote. “A child who thinks he can’t do anything on his own eventually can’t.”
Armed with a map, a subway fare card, and emergency cash but no cell phone, Izzy navigated the underground, transferred to a city bus, and arrived home, unescorted and unperturbed.
The kid was exhilarated.
The mother was excoriated.
“Sending your nine-year-old on the subway alone: child abuse?” begged a typical newspaper headline. A radio show caller wondered how Skenazy could give her son “a day of fun that would probably end in death.” And on the Today Show, an introduction to her was point-blank: “Is she an enlightened mom, or a really bad one?”
Bad or good, Skenazy had re-ignited an old debate about determining when a child is old enough to take on the world alone. In a follow-up newspaper column she titled “America’s Worst Mom?” Skenazy wrote, “People kept pulling me aside to say that they had been allowed to get around by themselves as kids.” But there was a dramatic generational twist. “In the next breath they admitted: They would never let their kids do the same.”
All of which prompted America’s worst mom to launch a blog called Free Range Kids, which she hopes will also launch a movement of “sane parenting.” Free Range’s mission statement gives a nod to protection—“We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts”—but also a wink to future solo subway-riding kids: “We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail.”
Tell us what you think: What’s the responsible way to take off the training wheels and let kids go solo into their everyday world?
Add Comment Share This
Comments
I don’t think i could every let my 9 year old go out to a New York subway on their own. It is was to dangerous in this day and age I would be too afraid of them not coming home to be it is not whether or not she is a bad parent, but come on now safety is supposedly to be the primary concern with our young ones. if you would like then let them “think” they are by themselves but either you or a very close trusted friend or family member should follow very close behind. Criminals prey on the young that are out there by themselves and she is very lucky that her son made it home unharmed or even made it home for that matter. There is a difference between being overprotective and protective. She needs to realize that a child’s safety should be her primary concern not whether or not he has the freedom to do what he wants by himself at 9, that is a little young. Maybe it can be considered at the age of 13 or 14 depending on how mature your child is. but not at the age of 9.
Anna | 1 year, 7 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Ravenna
Until my dying breath, I will spend my time, money, and use my vote to step on those people like a BUG. It is very common around here to send our five (5) year olds to the local (about 2 city blocks) covenant mart to buy some bread and milk. My parents are cool, respectable, and honorable people. They took care of my sister and me very well. One day there was something I wanted at the store and they told me no! They said make your own money and you can spend it as you wish. I was mowing people lawns by the age of 7 to make cash so I could spend it as I wished. I think if a 7 year old can have a business, why can’t some 9 year old ride the subway?
Thanks
Raymond Kelly McElhiney II | 1 year, 6 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Okay wow
I learned to go out on my own when I was 12 and it was not fun. Even at age 12 I was scared because my mother had been abducted and I was not planning to have the same happen. Since I felt so uncomfortable I told my mom. I think it should be up to the child because the parent wouldn’t know if the child is ready or not.
Angel Mims | 1 year, 6 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
It Shows How Times Have Changed
I read this article with personal interest. You see, when I was seven years old, I rode the New York City Subways alone. My parents were fine with this and it was not unusual for kids to be riding the subways alone. I was first taught how to handle a turnstile (It’s been so long, did I spell that correctly?), I was taught my directions and I was not allowed to do any of this until I had proven to my parents that I would not talk to strangers and would run to a policeman if I had any concerns. The big difference is that I am referring to another time and era. Today, in an era that regards the imposition of a prior standards of civil conduct as evil, it is most certainly an endangerment to the welfare of a minor to send them on the subway alone. With a map no less! No. Regardless of the motivation, the person who did this was irresponsible and perhaps criminally so.
Dr. David Wilkes | 1 year, 5 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
to an extent
I am a mother of 4 small children they range in age form 5 to 10 months. 3 girls and 1 boy. I would never let them go out by their selves. Their is safety in numbers these days. You have sick freaks out there they do prey on children and sometimes it is the ones they dont know that they hurt. When my children are older they may be allowed to go out when I think they are mature enough but it wont be alone. Whether it be with an older cousin or a friend that I know is mature enough. You can allow them to have freedom without just throwing them out in the world to figure it out on their own. She sent him out and didn’t even send a cell with him what if he wasn’t back when he was supposed to be. I know I would want a way to call him to see if he was okay. I remember walking to school by myself as young as 7 but Ii wouldn’t allow my kids to do the same. It is just to dangerous. My kids know about responsiblity. They don’t play video games or sit and watch tv all the time they would much rather be outside playing and riding their bikes then inside. My 2 oldest help with laundry and doing dishes. They all are in charge of keeping their rooms clean and the 2 oldest one can all but give themselves a bath with no help. Just because you protect your children form the potential harm that is out there in this day and time doesn’t mean they are going to grow up and not be able to make it on their own. I have complete confidence that my kids will do just fine as teenagers and adults but you have to know that they are safe. If and when I let my kids go out by their self it will be with others that are responsible enough and they will have a phone so I can keep in contact with them to make sure they are safe. You can allow your children to have freedom but you have to teach them that freedom doesn’t come free they have to earn it and prove that they are ready for it an as their parent you are responsible to make sure they stay safe. Maybe the 9 year old was ready but he shouldn’t have been out there by himself with no phone. She should have at least gave him a phone. It is not bad parenting to know where your kids are at all times it is just responsible to know.
Anna | 1 year, 5 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
ready
I don’t think that’s child abuse cause if he is responsible, you can trust him. Me, I can trust my 6 year old cousin to walk by himself down the street and to stay out of the road and watch for traffic.
charles david sellars 3rd | 1 year, 4 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Raising independent kids ...
There are several programs available which provide independent decision making and survival experience for youngsters all under the close supervision of trained professionals. I have no problem with that type of training and with the minimized but ever present risk that goes with it. I’m more than a little skeptical about putting a 9 year old in the subway without a walk through and a little advice and counseling first. There are a lot of don’ts to avoid that many an adult has had to learn the hard way.
In short, while I am a strong proponent of independent behavior and responsibility as early as possible, I have an equally strong awareness of the risk involved in premature encounter with potential danger. I believe in preparedness, training and discussion for youngsters prior to their setting sail on their own independent voyages.
Pasquale Bottiglieri | 1 year, 4 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Every step of the way
I’m from the old school. When I was a child, my mother would let me think I was doing something all by myself but she was actually behind me. I had 8 blocks to walk to school. My mother told me you go ahead after she showed me the way. Then she secretly followed me just in case.
As much menace as there is out in this world. I don’t think I could trust my son or daughter to ride a subway by themselves. I might just have to make other arrangements.
belinda mello | 1 year, 3 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
Know your Kids
Nine’s young for these adventures, perhaps. I remember one day my kids, girls aged about 7 & 5, wanted to go to the corner in Center City Philly to get something or other. They knew the drill about crossing the street, holding hands, and that; we pointed out the way, and they went for it.
They hadn’t returned half an hour later. We called the cops, went on the street ourselves, looking. After about an hour they turned up, escorted by a deeply kind shopkeeper, both of them panicked and teary as were we. They’d had the sense to ask for help from a florist, a wise and sophisticated choice, now that I think of it. Better’n your typical newsstand dude in Philly.
The moral? Seven’s too young for mot kids to go on this kind of adventure alone, if they haven’t lived on the street with a gang of buddies. My daughters were visiting from out of town, not street smart yet, obviously. Simple disorientation did for their adventure.
This kid? Who knows? Nine’s getting there; I’d rather wait till 12 or so, other things being equal. A history of getting home from school would make a big difference. In this case, by the way, a cell phone might have been fatally useless, a builder of false confidence, since it’ll never work on a subway.
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
She knows her child better than anybody. Some 9 year olds couldn’t do it, but maybe hers is really savvy.
Anonymous | 1 year, 2 months ago
Add Comment | Post Reply
« First < 3 4 5 6 7 > Last » (9 pages)