America’s Worst Mom?
Mothering without smothering.
That’s the responsible balance Lenore Skenazy was seeking when she recently allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the New York City subway alone for the first time.
As a writer for the New York Sun newspaper, Skenazy penned a column about why she fully supported young Izzy’s desire to undertake his solo ride-of-passage. “Over-protectiveness is a danger in and of itself,” she wrote. “A child who thinks he can’t do anything on his own eventually can’t.”
Armed with a map, a subway fare card, and emergency cash but no cell phone, Izzy navigated the underground, transferred to a city bus, and arrived home, unescorted and unperturbed.
The kid was exhilarated.
The mother was excoriated.
“Sending your nine-year-old on the subway alone: child abuse?” begged a typical newspaper headline. A radio show caller wondered how Skenazy could give her son “a day of fun that would probably end in death.” And on the Today Show, an introduction to her was point-blank: “Is she an enlightened mom, or a really bad one?”
Bad or good, Skenazy had re-ignited an old debate about determining when a child is old enough to take on the world alone. In a follow-up newspaper column she titled “America’s Worst Mom?” Skenazy wrote, “People kept pulling me aside to say that they had been allowed to get around by themselves as kids.” But there was a dramatic generational twist. “In the next breath they admitted: They would never let their kids do the same.”
All of which prompted America’s worst mom to launch a blog called Free Range Kids, which she hopes will also launch a movement of “sane parenting.” Free Range’s mission statement gives a nod to protection—“We believe in helmets, car seats and safety belts”—but also a wink to future solo subway-riding kids: “We do NOT believe that every time school age children go outside, they need a security detail.”
Tell us what you think: What’s the responsible way to take off the training wheels and let kids go solo into their everyday world?
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Fontana
She’s a writer and in my opinion she’s just getting the attention she needs. Second her “over-protection” blurb and “a child who thinks he can’t do anything” blurb, well they are very poor excuses. She just should of said, “ I just wanted to see if my son could do this” or something simple. She also forgot to arm him with pepper spray in case he needed it. Personally I think he had help which I would want to help him along his way if I could. Point being, she wanted attention and got it. This story just doesn’t do anything for me. She can send her child out on a round trip around the world for all I care; this story doesn’t need the attention.
Kina Barnum | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Single moms and bad moms
Teaching kids the right way and communicating with them is important: not trying to be buddies, but setting rules and morals. That’s why parents, usually single ones, are accused of abuse. I’m a single mom and have had similar situation. I couldn’t be at work and at home with my boys making sure they were protected, or paying daycare or family, etc. Single parents, I anyway, can’t do it all! She was trying to teach kid to be responsible enough so she could cope. I live in town where we are judged all time. I’m not the Beaver Cleaver mother. I’m pulling my hair out. But, I feel I’ve done right with my boys. I’ve lived by the golden rule and have tried to teach them that. When everybody is telling them I’m bad because I don’t take them to movies or playgroups, then what do you do? Just keep on doing. I believe in myself and I know what is right and wrong. Sometimes life is the pits and I go day by day. I applaud the mom for teaching what she knows she must do to survive.
andrea maetschke | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Fontana
The woman is a writer for the New York Sun paper, she’s looking for attention, probably that of a boss. Plain and simple, she used her son. I don’t care that she was teaching him something. She used him for publicity.
Kina Barnum | 1 year, 6 months ago
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5 steps behind...
I would have been 5 steps behind my child at all times because too many things could happen… If he was older and with a friend, it wouldn’t be so bad to let him go on the adventure (with a cell phone) for a short time. It’s an exaggeration to call her the world’s worst mom, but it’s also horrible that she exploited the experience in the newspaper like that.
Joyce B. | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Lucky
That woman is just lucky (and so is her son) that he came home safe. He was only 9 years old. Much too young and defenseless for the situation he was put into. The ending to that story could have tragically gone the other way.
Moonstone | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Douglasville
I think there are 2 issues here. The first is the event in question. I think it’s quite obvious to most that it was a publicity stunt, and I don’t wish to engage it. The second issue is the idea that people (not just parents) think that blanket policies work for all children. We love creating “Zero Intelligence” (aka: “Zero Tolerance”) to compensate for ineptitude in those with responsibility. It is impossible to decide whether “some nine year old” is capable of riding a subway alone. There are plenty of nine year olds who can handle the responsibility. Most probably cannot and should not, but you must not use the least common denominator as your indicator. I know people who are geniuses at programming, but do not possess the social prowess to handle a solo subway ride. The only thing that can result from casting judgment on children you have never met is mediocrity. Well, that’s if anybody listens to you. Most likely you will just end up angry and frustrated.
RichardBronosky | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Fontana
Kudos Richard, on your comment.
Kina Barnum | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Safety
All in all, if it was in the middle of the day even in New York City, the kid was pretty safe. People in general look out for each other. And people especially look out for kids. If he had gotten in trouble, someone would have helped him. As long as he’s old enough to know to stick to the travel system and not go down any alleys, he’ll be fine. The people who hurt other people, especially the people who hurt children, are a small minority in this society. We focus so much attention on them that it seems that our children are always in danger when really it’s the other way around.
Jenett Tillotson | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Context is all Important
Lenore Skenazy has a special kid and she’s a special mom. She recognized that her son was ready, kept her ‘mothering instinct’ in check and had the skills to share her experience. Kudos to Lenore and to her adventurous son. Maybe he’ll pick up where Howard Roark & John Galt left off —
We let son travel alone on AMTRAK (VA-to-NC and return) but would be cautious about turning him loose as a 9 year old alone on the NYC subway given that he grew up in the relatively benign Virginia.
Bill L | 1 year, 6 months ago
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Just concerned for his safety
I wasn’t making a judgment on whether 9 year olds are clever or not. I’m just saying (in my own personal opinion) that he was too young, and physically not big enough to get himself out of a potentially dangerous situation. Yes, there are a lot of good people out there, but there are enough stories in the news that indicate that there are a lot of people that do not have good intentions. Better safe than sorry. Bottom line, I’m glad his adventure ended well.
Moonstone | 1 year, 6 months ago
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