The Responsibility Project^®. Exploring what it means to do the right thing

Life’s a Chore

165 Comments

September 30, 2008 by Kathy McManus

A new study has identified an emerging domestic threat that could be responsible for making future marriages teeter and prompting a decline in volunteerism and empathy.

The study is about children and chores.

University of Maryland Professor Sandra Hofferth—who is an expert on how children use their time—reports that 6 to 12 year-olds now spend an average of only 24 minutes a day doing household chores. That’s a 12% drop from 1997, and a 25% skid since 1981.

The chore-defying dive reflects “important behavioral and values shifts that will affect lives for years to come,” says Dr. Hofferth.

Doing household chores as a child turns out to be a major predictor of whether an individual does volunteer or community work as an adult, according to sociologists, who note that housework is an important teaching tool. And when it comes to domestic bliss, the distribution of domestic duties—grounded in childhood chores—can make or break a marriage.

According to experts, children’s chores are declining in part because they’re spending more time on reading, studying, and other activities. But even their parental role models are doing less work around the house, hiring help instead or simply letting chores chill.

Within days of the news that chore times had dropped like the Dow, a new website called NannysCircle.com began promoting itself as a novel solution to motivating kids by making a “virtual” game of chores. Instead of nagging Junior to feed the dog, parents log on and send a virtual note, which their child retrieves from his virtual room. In real life, the child supposedly feeds the dog, then emails his parents that the task has been completed.

But success may come at the expense of another domestic chore: parent-child communication. “You see the appeal,” wrote a reporter about the website. “Parenting, a messy series of weary battles that never seem to lead anywhere, becomes something that can be checked off and filed. No back talk. Just hit ‘send.’” 

Tell us what you think: Should children be responsible for doing more chores? Are chore-less children really responsible for failed marriages and fewer volunteers? As a responsible parent, would you turn over chore supervision to a computer?

165 Comments

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• October 1, 2008 by Kayla Robinson

  I think everyone in today's society is 'too busy' to focus on important issues like teaching our children about good work ethic. Along with the fact that our children are being expected to do more homework and more activities than that of former generations. This is causing we, as parents, to put important values like work ethic on the back burner. As a result we are seeing more and more 'lazy kids'. I believe we parents need to place more importance in instilling a good work ethic in our kids in order to secure their own futures. I think more responsibility is in order for our children.

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  • October 5, 2008 by Brooke

    It seems to me that if children are engaged in a sport or doing homework rather than chores than they aren't tending towards "laziness." What is the difference between doing the dishes and doing your sums? Neither is something a child would do for fun and both are important. If a child trades household chores for schoolwork is he trading work ethic for work ethic? The trouble comes, I would think, when children -- when people -- put off undesirable or important work for mindless, profitless exercises like watching television or surfing the internet.

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    • June 10, 2009 by Judy

      I agree that a child who is heavily involved in sports or homework is not lazy, simply because they don't do household chores. However, I still think they should be required to do household chores. Learning how to prioritize and utilize time management skills is very important. They should not grow up thinking household chores will magically do themselves, simply because they were busy doing other things. Just because I work, buy groceries, take my children to doctor's appointments, etc. doesn't mean I don't still have to come home and do the dishes and laundry. None of those things are fun, and it wouldn’t be my choice to do any one of them on a day off. But, they still have to be done. When our children become parents, who will do this stuff for them?

    • August 5, 2009 by Gina

      I believe that it is important for children to be given chores, not only does it instil responsibility but also some type of self esteem. Knowing that they can do a job that is important and helps out others. In a perfect world kids would do chores and not complain. Sending virtual email is the same as telling them to their face. The chores doesn't have to be desirable but it has to allow some flexability between school work and sports.

  • May 17, 2010 by Jenny1981

    I think it is getting hard for me with my children doing their chores. They think it take more than one hour to do chores. I think they needed to change their ways o thinking about life.

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  • June 9, 2010 by Doris Fitch

    At what age do you start teaching your kids? My mother had me make my bed and clean my room every morning before breakfast and school. We alternated washing dishes. I think I was 9 when she started but I remember it from early in my child hood. I have done the same with mine. My question is my spouse and I have started a foster home and the kids we get have no idea what a chore is and hygiene had to be taught too. How would you start when the child is 10 and has never even made a bed. The kids we have are high risk too and require a lot of structure and consistency. I find what has worked is a routine, starting with bed time rituals, prayer, lying clothes out for the next day and a linen basket in the room. The room is maintained through out the day and never left dirty at bedtime. Its not perfect yet I find once a week I still have to deep clean the room. There are times that I call a point of no return. That takes most of the day to clean and some.

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    • July 22, 2010 by Rhonda Walling

      I understand your dilemna. My husband and I adopted an almost 7 yr old boy who came from a home with no rules, no responsibilites, no desire to learn them, and it was VERY difficult! He learned to block out uncomfortable situations, and unfortunately carried that through even now, 3 years later. If he is being told to do a chore, the glazed eyes appear and the ears close. If it's not something he WANTS to do, he doesn't hear it! Rewards never helped either. He worked for the reward, but then once he got it, he reverted back to the old behavior. It turned out that he just needed some self motivation that didn't involve mom or dad griping or "nagging" at him to always get busy and do something that we wanted done. We made him a chore chart for every part of his day. Morning Routine, After School Routine, Bed Time Routine, and for the summer we modified it to just include all of the activities we wanted him to accomplish throughout every day. He is responsible for checking it off, and at the end of the day we review it together. He has learned a sense of responsibility, though not always without coaching. Self sufficiency helps the troubled child to feel independent.

• October 1, 2008 by Matthew

  I think chores are very important for our children. They need to learn that things don't come for free. You have to work to get the desired things you want. Chores will help teach them responsibility. Of course at that age, you don't realize that your parents are teaching you valuable lessons.

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• October 1, 2008 by Brandylynn

  Being a single mother who was once married to an irresponsible, lazy human being, I give my children quite a bit of responsibility. Nothing I find is too extreme and still less than what I had at their ages. I have been told by a health care provide, a teacher and a vice principal (obviously I am active in their lives and close to the other adults that they interact with.) that some of these things are not the responsibility of my children! WHAT! This article confirms my opinion on this matter. Thank you for putting it out there.

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  • July 2, 2009 by Catherine

    Brandylynn, I'm now 34 years old and my parents started my brother and I doing chores- ALL the household chores- at about ages 5 and 6. This includes all the indoor chores like vacuuming, dusting, cleaning windows, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning bedrooms, straightening the coffee table, setting the dinner table, clearing the table, doing the dishes, making our own breakfasts and lunches, doing our own laundry, mopping the kitchen floors and the outdoor chores: mowing the lawn, edging, weeding, picking up fallen fruit, trimming the ornamentals, trimming the 15' ficus hedge. And OH YES! We went to school, studied, did our homework, were in sports and were required to have a part time job at ALL times from the age of 13 (legal at that time in FL). The mantra was THE WORK COMES FIRST. We were not allowed to spend more than 25% of our meager salary as the rest had to be saved. We had no time for friends. My brother and I don't love our parents. I think it should be "everything in moderation" where everyone shares the household chores. The extreme my brother and I experienced was nothing short of servitude. We were called "the dwarves" and my parents laughed when they said it. I feel very strongly about childhood chores. Kids should have chores but they should be fair and age-appropriate. Brandylynn, take a good look at what your peers deem inappropriate for your kids. Maybe it is. The adults have responsibilities too. Your kids could end up hating you for the rest of their/your lives for making the work more important than them. Think about it.

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• October 3, 2008 by Margaret Virtue

  I think it's extremely important for children to have chores that must be completed first, before anything else happens. Many kids my son's age (14) don't really have any chores, mostly because they're done by people outside the home. That to me is short-changing their values system, and makes many of them incapable as adults to "put in an honest day's work."

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  • April 29, 2010 by tdfh

    OK OK OK.

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• October 3, 2008 by James Allard

  Failure to perform assigned tasks is an acceptable reason for dismissal from any company within the United States, as well it should be. One should have regular tasks at home, as well as work. I, myself, do the majority of the cooking, dishes, and do my fair share of the housework, and laundry. My children were expected to do their assigned tasks, first among them their studies and homework. Once those tasks were completed, they were also expected to do other chores around the home. My oldest graduated from college, got a job and got married, and finds her stunned by the total lack of commitment others show in the workplace. My second child is now a US Marine, and I know how he feels about those who shirk their duty. Our youngest is attending college locally and lives at home, and he is still expected to do homework and studying first and his chores second. Like both me and my wife, the task that needs to be done is done BEFORE "play" time begins.

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• October 4, 2008 by Krstafer Pinkerton

  Children being responsible for doing more chores goes against everything they currently know these days since many working professional parents feel guilty about the lack of time they spend with their kids and let them be disrespectful and lazy, refusing to do chores and then the parents are hard pressed to enforce normal rules. Yes, I would assume that chore-fewer children might be responsible for the failures in their life. As a parent I will admit that the chores have taken a back seat to the computer and I have to remind my kids to get off the computer and go outside and do their chores. Living in the city or suburbs limit outside chores kids can do. In my time, I had to split wood, feed the horses, cattle, chickens, and stack the front porch with firewood before I got to eat. Most kids today have no idea what hard chores are!

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• October 8, 2008 by Nicole

  A 25% difference really isn't that huge when you take into account things that make chores easier nowadays like dishwashers and cleaning solutions that don't require any elbow grease. The need and sense of entitlement for immediate gratification is a problem for our society, but I argue that chore-less children are not the cause, but merely another symptom. As for turning over chore supervision to a computer... I would not do that completely. But if my child grows up to use the computer often, I will use it partially. I can see it now - she's watching a show on her computer, then a little pop up note comes up - she clicks on it then my voice kindly reminds her to get off her tush and weed the garden. I don't see anything wrong with using the tools that reach out to our children. But of course, I would be there to make sure she followed through. I would like to see a study on how much homework kids have now in comparison to 1981. I am guessing they have a lot more than before! Life is a lot less physically demanding for our kids than before, but it is more demanding for them now in other ways.

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  • February 24, 2009 by Mark

    I totally agree with everything you communicated in your post.

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• October 8, 2008 by G'Ma Margie

  Being a child of the 50's I don't find there is more homework these days for school kids. I had to go to the library or other sources for information relative to my homework assignments. Even reading the newspaper to be able to respond to questions my teachers might ask us about what was going on in the world from day to day. I grew up in a small city (Fairfield) of Alabama. Both parents worked so the kids had to pitch in and help keep the house clean, the yard clear and look out for each other. My grandkids get on the computer copy and paste and have what few assignments given them done in minutes.Even taking the ACT with a calculator. Critical thinking and deductive reasoning are lost arts for most. That's how they have so much time to do nothing. Their minds are busy so if their hands are not busy doing responsible things they will be busy doing irresponsible things (Alcohol, drugs, sex).I don't like the fact that taking responsibility for one's actions is no longer considered a moral obligation.

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  • May 2, 2009 by nikki cooper

    You wrote: “Critical thinking and deductive reasoning are lost arts for most. That’s how they have so much time to do nothing. Their minds are busy so if their hands are not busy doing responsible things they will be busy doing irresponsible things (Alcohol, drugs, sex).I don’t like the fact that taking responsibility for one’s actions is no longer considered a moral obligation.” I don't know who you are but God loves your outlook, I can tell you that. Thank you for speaking truth. More people need to hear it!

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• October 8, 2008 by Jennifer

  Children need chores - and early. I was shocked to visit a friend’s house and see it a total mess. There were 3 adults and no children and their house looked like a tornado had been through it. I know for a fact that her mom did most all of the cleaning for her, even her laundry, until she left home. I was responsible for my room, my clothes, and shared responsibility for the rest of the home with my siblings. My children at 2 and 4 know to wipe up their spills, put dirty laundry in the washer, and pick up their messes. It’s hard to encourage them all the time and stay positive, and we do slack sometimes, but I know it is important for their future. They NEED responsibility and accountability and it needs to be taught young. No matter your homework, you should still be responsible in some way for your surroundings and keeping them clean. Children need to learn to cook (or they will be fast food adults), clean, and take care of their stuff. They don’t learn it from watching mom do it - they learn by doing it WITH mom.

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• October 10, 2008 by shantel bessette

  I have a 10 and 13 year old. It is so important to implement chores/work ethic into our kids lives. Working equals earning, and I think today's society for the most part, is slacking in the area of teaching our kids what it means to earn the things you want in life. Possessions don't just get handed to you. The reality is you need to work hard and well to get the things you want out of life. No matter how much effort and reminders we as parents need to give our kids to do chores...and no matter how much complaining we hear from them, the truth is, it's best for the kids to gain these skills. It builds character, it provides knowledge, and teaches appreciation. All of those things are so important for their future. Let's not forget that they are our future.

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• October 28, 2008 by Brenda D.Koplan

  Chores are VITAL to the development of a healthy image of oneself. If you can remember your own childhood, and hopefully it was filled with chores, you can remember how good it felt to complete your work, see the results of your work, receive attention, and feel proud of your contribution to the family. Yes, you may have complained, whined, played games to get out of doing your chores (hid the laundry I was to iron ) and generally acted "like the child" you were, BUT if your parent was responsible in having you do chores, you gained invaluable lessons: perseverance, pride in a good well done, self-discipline, skills (cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, baby-sitting, pet care, on and on, as well as, respect for your family and your place in the family. I am a family counselor, and I see one of the most important lacks in families today is the lack of cooperative behavior in doing the work of the family. Parent's expectations of their children have changed, and along with this change, has come a change in values. The good old-fashioned values mentioned above are still relevant and vital today in making strong families, and building healthy, and emotionally strong children.

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  • March 14, 2009 by Linda Montgomery

    I agree with you on the appreciation and pride issues. I was raised in a home with no expectations, school included, just behave and stay out of trouble; just when something bothered the parents and then dealt with in anger and never appreciated. I would go out of my way for approval of outside adults, cleaning and babysitting etc. It, I believe left me as a young adult to pick up the pieces of not learned skills, and fear of follow through (what if it don't work). I, in turn, have raised my boys to be productive and not to fear to express their needs or wants. I have always received compliments about what good workers and responsible boys they are, and have been, they all picked up jobs since they were 12 years old. They all have graduated from college now and working in their chosen careers. I am very proud of them, mostly because they are the responsible people I wish I had been earlier. One of the things I have noticed a lot lately is expectations are being placed higher on girls now, which is good and important, and boys are assumed to just know what to do, and limited expectation is placed on them. Is anyone else seeing this? Family issues here, help me justify my feeling on this.

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• November 1, 2008 by Bonnie Bruce

  Having been a child and now as a parent I know that chores are an integral part of growing up, providing opportunities for children to gain in many ways, including and especially character, something which is highly overlooked these days. Having chores provides children the vehicle to gain mastery over skills necessary to become well-adjusted adults - learning responsibility, taking care of their pets and/or belongings and the self-esteem from a job well-done and the confidence that brings. It also engenders a 'team' spirit in the family and that everyone has a part to play and the importance of what they do as an individual and as being part of the larger whole. This translates into understanding the importance of retaining their individuality and still being a healthy contributing member of the community as an adult. It also encompasses communication and time spent with parents - working together and creating an environment for everyone to feel satisfaction and cohesiveness. Life is not a passive experience - and those who are taught to expect that it is will have many struggles and difficulties that could have been overcome by providing chores as the stepping stones and the arena where many of life's concepts could be formed and nurtured to prepare children properly for their future.

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